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2006 -- September's journal I've been fannying about since coming back from Brighton getting all my software onto my new computer. She's an HP, so her name is The Saucy One. Very original, I'm sure. I'm still doing it now, after finishing at midnight last night. Gotta take a break from it, it's driving me bonkers. You'd think there'd be an easier way... Am feeling so great at the mo. STILL!!! Me and Evie are having a fab time, and we're off bramble picking when she wakes up... thought I'd make a big juice out of them. Lovely. Gotta go -- a million things to do and really no time, coz my special girl takes it all, which is great, coz that's what I want her to do. The Saucy One isn't anywhere near as cute. Or messy. Public service announcement FESTIVAL OF LIFE!!! This year joins with THE LONDON VEGAN FESTIVAL KENSINGTON TOWN HALL, HORNTON STREET, LONDON W8 7NX SUNDAY 10TH SEPT | 10am to 10pm | Entrance: £1.50 / under 16s free Celebrating Sustainable, Compassionate, Raw/Live-Food and Holistic Lifestyles With over 30 free talks including Shazzie, Paradox, Steve Charter Jocelyn Chaplin and Venus workshops, free entertainment and over 90 stalls covering: Organic, Gourmet Foods ( Rainforest Cuisine) & Juice Bars Veggie Power (VEG OIL CAR) ~ Hemp Building and Nutrition Permaculture ~ Healing Therapies Area ~ Nature Cures Meditation Yoga ~ Natural Parenting ~ Children's Area and much more! 7-10pm Live music from Rhythms of Resistance Gaynor O'Flynn Praying for the Rain and DJ Loveland www.festivaloflife.net | 0870 7344 888 | www.londonveganfestival.org We love it raw We like it raw is a great web site run by Dhrumil, raw food god in the US. I often visit his site to get inspired, to get news, and to get motivated. Even when you've been doing the raw thang for years, you still need to feel inspired, coz there ain't that many of us in the world *yet*! This is the web site that "does it for me big time"! Great links to other great sites, too. Wonderful! Being a mummy I just realised today that being a full-time mummy means you become several people all at once. This is probably the biggest reason that daddys are rarely mummys -- we're programmed to multi-task, men aren't. When I'm with Evie, I have to make food, entertain, play, clean, teach, clean, play, talk, repeat, reaffirm, clean, make food, love, snuggle, breastfeed, feed, water, work, clean, talk on phone, think, manifest, drive, affirm, clean etc. Then she goes off to tatas for a bit and I suddenly switch into Managing Director (CEO) mode, and work like bonkers and then as soon as I hear "Eeek" I'm all fluffy and snuggly again with her. Then at night, the same thing happens. I'm many people, and that's lovely. I am actaully really enjoying being a mummy, so much more than I thought I would, and so much more than before when I was too trauatised to really relax into it and enjoy it. oooh, it's lovely and fluffy in Shazzieland at the moment! Look at this Now, we're in the last month of booking for David Wolfe's only UK appearance in three years. If you are serious about having raw cacao fun, about transforming in front of your very eyes, and about meeting wonderful people like you (yeah, you know you are) then get booking today. We can no longer promise you'll get exactly the room you require, but we'll do our best to make you ecstatic at all times. Love it, you have to. Really. Anyway. I want to meet you! You're amazing, you read me all the time (coz you tell me so) and I want to meet you! Who is he? Who is he? Etc... Again... Daniel Aaron billed for the retreat is formerly known as Shekhar, our favourite raw yoga teacher, who we're flying in all the way off of Bali. You asked. Now you know. And most of you know our Mike -- Mike Nash -- Mike can do no wrong in our eyes. One flex of those raw muscles and we just have to do as he says! Blimey, I can't type on The Saucy One yet. Must improve, otherwise new book will have no more words and many typos. Love For a few months now, I've been working on LOVE. Working on my heart, my feelings, my hurts, my emotions. Many personal things have happened to me this year to assist me in this process, and it's all culminated to make me feel LOVE almost all of the time. I say almost because I am still in a human body, and just as I girl-punched Matt the other day and shouted at some woman with yappy dogs when Evie was dropping off today, I appreciate that I still have some way to go before I'm truly 100% peaceful in my heart. But this is all art in progress, as is life. My heart has been battered and bruised much more than most of you know in my lifetime, and it's been the longest process to come out the other side with a smiley heart, rather than a sad heart. My goodness, I could have caved in at least a thousand times -- there's no doubt that life is hard and painful at times. The thing that helped me the most was this thought... that we can choose to see any experiences as a help or a hindrence. For years, I wore my heartbattlescars wide open for all to see, and for me to emotionally bleed from. I simply didn't know what else to do. Then I realised that my heartbattlescars were actually badges of honour -- they were there to show me how strong, capable and resilient I was. In fact, the more my heart was punished, the more I bounced back. Then, very recently, after doing this heart work on myself, I realised that it can no longer be bruised. The last time it was bruised was nearly three years ago, by two different people almost at the same time. The crying, the pain, the suffering, the "what did I do to deserve this?" all ensued. Yet the bruising came at a crucial time -- a time of massive transformation for me as I was becoming a birthing goddess. The masses of hormones that spewed forth didn't help me, but after the calm, after I felt shipwrecked and alone with just some prepacked coconut juice for company, I realised that this bruising was just an experience to make me grow stronger, just like all the other years of bruising. I realised that I didn't need any more bruising at that moment, as I'm just about as strong as I can be now. I did think for a while that I wasn't strong, especially when someone recently told me I was! I thought that I'm just "having to get on with it" but then I got to think about what I'd got on with -- you aren't NOT strong if you're: A single mother, an MD, an author, a loving friend, a writer of three life-changing books, a raw cacao revolutionary, a vegan, a raw foodist, a yogini, a suberbeing, a loving child and sibling, and an inspiration to millions! Where does that come from, that I thought I wasn't strong? It comes from a deep place, a place that felt years of heart hurt. But now that heart hurt has gone. All I have now are the good things. I don't feel the pain that came before, though I'll probably always remember it like an old black and white film with subtitles and funny fast walks. Now, I just feel the love of the present. I feel the beauty of all the people who touch my life -- and there are many. I feel the innocence and goddess vibe unfold each day in my child, and the optimism of the future as more people like her are birthed every minute into a world that's soon to become normalised and natural again. I feel love. I feel total love, and you know what? I feel amazing! Feminine energy Oooh, there's a lot of it flying about at the moment, we're all in oestrogen overload. We've a new member of staff -- our marketing warrioress has joined us finally. She had the longest notice period ever from her last job. Glad she's with us now, though. Hope she's glad, too. Great... love having staff... employing people who are as passionate as I am about everything. God... am I getting annoying being so positive? Do you want me to go back to being all grumpy about things? And guess what? We've got another two job openings for you! Check these out... Employment opportunity Chocolatier wanted to create Shazzie's Naked Chocolates We urgently need a wonderfully talented raw chocolatier to work two days a week in Great Yarmouth, Norfolk, UK. Actually, the only experience you need is a bit of common sense and lots of love. We've a handbook for how to make the chocolates! However, if you have the talent and the love for making raw chocolates, there is the opportunity for this to become a full time job quite quickly -- it all depends on you! If you would like to work for Detox Your World, to make Shazzie's naked Chocolates, then please email Denise now, with your CV and a covering letter. New things and twinning It must be something in the air. Joe's juts bought a new laptop and digi SLR. So has Jessie. So have I. Bet they're not getting a new car next week though! Am going to stop being materialistic. Wonder why we all did it at the same time? Me and Jessie bought our last laptops at the same time, too. Bless us all. When we all went out for lunch in the summer me and Joe were telling her how much we twin each other and me and Jessie were telling Joe how much people mistake us, even though we don't look alike. Were Tribeings, we are. Goji berry hype 5th September -- So since Tesco decided to sell goji berries, the media has had a feeding frenzy! The BBC have reported this. Sarah Cox has been banging on about them. Tesco put them in their magazine. And we're almost sold out, though we import tonnes at a time and wholesale to most of the UK goji berry suppliers. Luckily our new shipment is coming soon, so there should be enough gojis to satisfy everyone! My poor staff are working overtime to fulfil orders (partly due to the knock on effect of people finding our web site and buying anything as we have the top listing on Google for goji berries). Well, kiddos, if it gets people happy, it's great!!! And we know what's next, right... raw cacao!! Yey! Juice! Now, Evie has this thing. It's called only drinking booboo or coconut juice. As I ran out of coconut juice two days ago and Jennie's been too goji-well busy to send me some more, Evie's got a bit thirsty. I do give her water, but she's a princess (don't know where she gets that from!!), and just quenches her thirst, but doesn't actually give it a good suck. So the last couple of nights, we've not slept, as she's been too thirsty. She sucks my booboos dry, then keeps sucking, and she won't take water. Oooh, the pain! And to make it worse, having no juice makes her unable to poo, so she can't sleep coz she needs to poo. Now, I've plenty of coconut milk in, but the princess doesn't like that, even when I water it down and put it in the other carton in that "I'll trick you, you're just a toddler and don't know much" way of mothers. Hm... remember my mum hiding gross baked beans under my Yorkshire Pudding when I a kid at Auntie Barbara's house. Wasn't happy, and wondered why she thought I'd not notice. Evie's probably thinking the same. And it's frustrating, coz we have pallates of the stuff in the office, just not here. Now, I've a junk box in my office that Evie's been a bit too interested in over the past couple of days, and she's been routing round in it, throwing things out and messing my floor up. I've been constantly putting things back, and she's constantly been doing the opposite. So, today, Skippy came over. We're downloading piccies from my new camera and checking them out. Evie's routing around in the box, stuff's going everywhere. "Oooh, that's a good one" we exclaim at some of the pictures. Suddenly, from the corner of the room, triumphant and holding her prize up for all to see, Evie shouts "Juice!". And guess what? There was one carton of juice in the bottom of the box, that she'd obviously been sniffing out, and she'd found it! Oh, my booboos. Such relief followed as Evie drank half of it in one go and then did a poo. Bless her, she's now -- finally -- asleep. And so am I zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Rainbow child Anyway, so Evie's defo a rainbow child, as I've been looking up the obviousness of them. Her psychic "I know where there's a juice" abilities, (yeah, she brings pressies to people when they visit that they've bought her before, how does she know that? And once, she went to the cupboard and got Jessie's Clear Skin book out, and I opened it where it mentioned Your Body's Many Cries For Water, and she then got that book out! Out of all my 100s of books!), her obssesion with other people's "Ows" especially on the feet (signs of being a healer), her tidiness and cleanliness obesssion with clothes (now she could have just got that from Matt, defo not from me!), her love of organising and her analytical independent helpful nature all point to being a rainbow child. Yey, a psychic kiddie!!! And do you know what? I think Evie is becoming so beautiful recently. Obviously I'm obsessed and biassed, but just look at her radiance! This is a 100% raw vegan child -- from conception -- and doesn't it show? She's amazing. I think I love her! SUKER -- new web site launched We've recently launched a really exciting little web site that aims to protect consumers when buying superfoods. Some companies claim theirs are organic, some claim very odd things indeed. A few of us who specialise in superfoods got together to ensure that customers buying from us would be assured of the best superfoods in the UK. This is particularly necessary with the recent goji berry explosion, as we've seen some really poor quality 2 year old shrivelled tasteless berries for sale. Eugh! Who wants to eat them? So check out SUKER, and the press release. The logo will be on lots of superfood packaging soon... SUKER. Rhymes with “super.” Superfoods UK Enterprise Ring. A mark of premium quality superfoods to help you become a superbeing. Well done, Jess Just want to give Jess Michael, The Raw Lifestyle Coach (the only raw coach I recommend in the UK, because she's authentic and the real deal) a big pat on the back. She's had a hand in the world's first ever superfood perfume! Made with cacao and AFA algae, it'll be created under the Jo Malone brand. Well done, Gorjess. Goodness, I've written tonnes today. Am off for a quick sauna tomorrow, been on a detox all week (yeah, even I do them still!), and my skin's a right sorry state. Still wish I could fast but am not even going there when breastfeeding and toddler guarding! Trouble at mill 11th October -- Still having issues breaking keyboard in so scuse me if words don't fall out right on page. Gosh... what a week. After all that detox I've been on, and after all the efty workload created by new members of staff and massive goji berry media hype, I finally gave in. I cried at Vera's wheel (yes, I've still got her, Lottie will be with me in a week, so I'm promised). Evie's in her chair next to me, mutha's poured into the back and we're on the way back from my office. That week, I'd been on my detox. I'd got rid of my cleaners (who actually turned up and cleaned) in favour of a housekeeper as I needed more than just cleaners. She lasted three hours. I got the "I'm not coming any more" by text. Oh, the youth of today. That was last Monday. Matt came over Wednesday. I'd just been standing in my kitchen, looking at the mess, saying to myself "I'm not doing it! I do enough!" Then realising that if I didn't, no-one else will (which has become a common theme of late). So me and Matt purge my house while Evie plays with us. I appreciate the help. I then get in the car and drive to my office. Tired, I roll into bed at my mum's at midnight. No sleep later, Evie gets up (read I get up). I get to the office, happy that new marketing woman would be there and we could finally get our newsletters out. Marketing woman rings up. She can't come in, she's scared that she's not up to the job. I'm suprisingy calm. I'd waited over two month for her, and she can't come in. Both my last two marketing managers had left, then this. What's my marketing karma? I convince her to come in. She's OK. She's not OK. The next day's awful. We have The Talk. No more marketing manager. I've decided to train one of my other staff up. It seems easier! So two staff down, and no sleep for weeks, and I'm truly exhausted. My detox had caused a billion spots to appear. Jen goes "You look like you've got measles". I've got a talk to do on Sunday in London. I have to get back to Cambridge Saturday night. Thank goddess Mutha was with me. It was seconds, just seconds after getting in the car. "I can't handle the responisibility! Evie, the business, being single, not having anyone to be there for me. Blah. Blah. Blah." About an hour later, after all the tears had come out, we were laughing at me, and saying about it being a valve to let of steam. But I know I'm overworking, overburdened, overwhelmed. And I knew there was a bit more steam... Planes, trains and automobiles It's three years since my last panic attack. It was on the way to Dubai, when they made me stay in security for over two hours, then made me run for the plane. I collapsed, hyperventillating. I've not flown since having Evie, and am glad... Me, mum and Evie get to Cambridge train station for 9am on Sunday to get to the London vegan festie where I'm doing a talk. There's no train to London. We have to go to Hitchin, get a bus, get another train. I can't tell you. Am not even gonna go into it, but I have a panic attack on the bus. I could feel it coming on. No air, can't breathe. Head between legs to try to control it. Scrambling about for a bag to breathe into. But it happened anyway. Poor Evie, don't know what happened to her. Mum tried to help me while some girls looked after her. The driver's thinking I'm puking (coz head's in bag) and trying to throw me off. Someone offers me an inhaler. I'm barely conscious. Thankfully, I know how to control it, even when it's in full swing and I did the breathing that stops it. A few minutes later all's well. I know now that there's no more steam. But I then think. I've got to speak to people. Tell them about health! Sometimes, when things like this happen you think you're a fraud, coz healthy people don't get ill! But healthy people do get ill, we all still get stressed from time to time. Not may people could do all I do and remain humourous about it!! So I think I'm speaking to a small group as I'm in the "small hall". Turns out the small hall holds 200 people and it's nearly full. I get on stage and do my bit. I send thanks to the great British railway system for causing a 60 mile journey to last 3.5 hours and I talk about Love Life and Liberty. And my spots. Then I just want to look round, find Jess and Kate and natter but we have to have a BurgerQueen burger then say a few hellos then rush off coz poor Mutha's gotta get home and pack for her holiday. Only, when we get to Cambridge train station, when we think we're sussed with all the travel, there's no train to Norwich. We ask. Engineering works again. She'd get home about 22.30. Wasn't having that. Drove to The Egg at Thetford, Fath drove from their house to The Egg (war memorial that looks like a big boiled egg on the A11) and I handed Muth over to Fath like a baton in a race. Me and Evie somehow drove home, had a bath, Evie pooed in the bath, we then fell asleep on the bed. And none of it mattered, because I was just thinking "Tommorrow is just another day." And it is. Today's great and I'm gonna take an hour off to sunbathe, too. Even though house is a tip. Patience... 12th September -- I am a really patient person. I believe it pays to be patient. The panic I felt the other day was so "out of character" (but obviously me!), yet I've been breathing through it ever since. Today and yesterday, I've received some of the most beautiful CVs ever! People want to do it all, get it all going, work for me, my company and get it going! Even a lovely lady that we interviewed last time for the marketing job has popped up to say she's still available if we want her! Wow. Now, see what's gonna happen -- we'll get all our staff as we were supposed to and Shazziehead will be pink and fluffy again. Just how I like it. Nattered to Jess for hours last night on the phone while I cleaned my house. Actually really enjoyed it, and house looked lovely. Cleaning my house isn't that hard! I think housekeeper of 3 hours freaked out coz of the stuff that's in my house... to the untrained eye it could look like I'm in some kind of odd religion I guess! Hm, or maybe I look like a health obsessive? Prayerbook Many people ask me to send prayers to loved ones in need. I created this prayerbook today so you can write your prayers there. Anyone wanting to give prayers and ask for prayers can write in it. I promise to read it regularly and add the people to my personal list. Carlos Our wonderful organic raw cacao, maca, olives, yacon, mesquite etc supplier from Peru came to visit us last week in our offices. Carlos and his wife Jean told us all about their plans to work with those in need -- to provide children worldwide with superfoods that will strengthen them. Jean is one of the most humble, amazing women I've ever met. I could have talked to her for hours more than we had. Carlos is also a wonderful being. We talked in Spanish (oooh, it's been a while, and I'm still terrible at it), and I showed him what people we supply had been doing with his products, which he was really excited about. He's got loads more new products coming up and is very happy to be working with us. We're happy, too. We're so happy that we work with such ethical, life-changing people. Every single person we work with does masses to change lives, to enhance the planet, to make it easier for humans and animals. Wow. What a job I landed myself! So here's the gang: Carlos, Jean, me, Mum and Dad. The ringing cedar tree A few years ago, I came upon two pieces of ringing cedar. A few weeks before I'd perchanced upon the book Anastasia. When I was organising my mediation and yoga room, I found my ringing cedar. I also found a lovely thin piece of red ribbon, which threaded perfectly through the hole of one of the pieces, and is the perfect length for my neck. It now sits nicely behind my love angel (my other necklace). Ringing cedar, Anastasia and the other books -- if you don't know about them, please check them out. They're beautiful in every way. Snow Patrol A couple of months ago I bought the anthemic album by The Killers, Hot Fuss. Blimey, I don't know why to took me so long to get it, it's gobsmackingly great. And I also bought, a bit hesitatingly, Snow Patrol's Eyes Open. I hesitated coz I like the music but find it a bit depressing (that's something I don't easily invite into my life). Wow... I've played it almost every day since I got it. My fave was Chasing Cars, then I kept listening to Set The Fire To The Third Bar - sung with Martha Wainwright, and I just cry and shiver and do all those emotional things when I hear it. For me, it's defo the song of the year. Totally wonderful, genius lyrics. A perfect song in every way. Public service announcement BE AN INSPIRATION IN 2007 Would you like to inspire people to go raw throughout 2007? If you've got a great raw story and would love to tell it on a calender with a lovely piccie of yourself, then contact Matt Leffler now ;-) Back to life, back to reality 14th September -- Oh, all's well that ends well. A lovely lady that I interviewed for the marketing job last time round has come to rescue and is starting in a month. Phew. Also, got the possibility of a new PA and a new housekeeper. Bless -- even someone offered to come and clean my house from Birmingham just for some chocolate... how sweet is that?? I'm astounded by all the love you guys show me, you're fab. We've also got a temp at the moment who's a veggie and is probably going to go full time so I've promoted Angel as she's so amazingly efficient and willing and all-round lovely. It's all perception, but the world looks easier to deal with today than it did two days ago. I did totally feel like I was personally accountable and responsible for everything that ever went on! Now I don't, and I'm much happier with that. I've been trying to send some chocolates out to my mates recently, as we've nearly got the full range, but there are never enough -- we literally can't keep up with the demand and so desperately need someone to make the chocolate... one of my remaining wishes for my business is to get that sorted in an efficient way... Lala popple So me and Evie, last night had a salad for tea round at grandma's house. As normal, she sat with me while I made it (hint for parents of picky eaters, have child with food prep, they eat everything!). Then we went out in the garden. "Lala", Evie says. She means Llama. Muth and fath have llamas in the field adjoining their house. I get some apples off the ground and talk to the llamas, asking if they want apples. Evie then goes "lala. Popple." Oh, how sweet to hear the words tumbling out of her mouth now. I love the stuff that comes out, all different from grown up talk and everso cute and adorable. So today we get home to grandma's and Evie goes in the fridge. There are some of grandma's apples in there. "Lala. Popple." She says. And we go feed the lalas with popples again. Aw. Popple, what a cute word. Am bessoted with said child. Spot the culprit So Jennie goes to me that she's got spots, too. She never gets them. Angel says she's got them. Oh. It dawned on us. Well, it dawned on Jen first. We've all been sampling a new product, me for two months, and my skin's just got worse and worse so I'vebeen using more and more of this new product to "clear it up". Honestly! So am back to trusty old MSM soap and coconut oil... new cleansers -- just say no, guys ;-) Now we've figured out what's caused this, I'm hoping we'll all have radiant skin again very very soon. New raw cafe As Triyoga closes its raw food cafe doors, Raw Magic opens its doors. Based in Brighton, our Kate has created a little yet fully functioning raw cafe where you can try her famous raw cakes, cuppoteas (herbal) and superfood snacks and bites. It's in the indoor market, towards the back. Lovely little space, and I've already reserved a seat there... And raw chocolate goes musical My mate Rochelle is a singer and she loves raw chocolate so much. She recently was a guest chef in a magazine, so of course gave a recipe for Raw Chocolate Rocket Fuel. It's a good one, too! Watch out for her music (Product.O1), she's gonna be bigbigbig... Chaos and calm 17th September -- My house is a wreck but I'm not that concerned. Am slowly getting it and the situation sorted. Stuart, my gardener has been amazing. You guys, offering to help have all warmed my heart. Some new opportunties have come from the panic I shared. I've had a couple of long chats with Kate and I'm feeling so safe, loved and secure. Yeah, the same old same old goes on every now and then inside me about being single, but I am so loved by my mates and family and Evie... so I'm focussing on being grateful for all that. I've just promoted Angel, made mutha go to four days a week so she can breathe more, employed a great lass called Lucy, and yeah, we call her Juicy Lucy! Jo's got more hours, Jen's doing the same, and my new marketing lady starts at the end of October. All's great. Still to find someone to make chocolates but I've an idea forming...! Potential new PA sounds fab, can't wait to meet her to see what's poss with us. And Matt's got Evie, as I went out last night (oooh, the 5th time in 2 years!), so he stayed over and is giving me a break for the morning (read, I've been casually tidying up to nice music and enjoying not having to do things). We're off to Mrs Lisa Renny's for tea tonight. I made some sauerkraut and it's bubbling in the airing cupboard. Loving this Sunday. Loving you. Loving your prayers. Loving the change I'm feeling. Loving the funny things that have happened this week but I can't write about. Oh, how I laugh! Jo Malone perfume launch party 19th September -- So Jess has got Kate and me an invite to the Blue agave and cacao perfume launch party in London. The thing is, Jess worked with them on the product and they used Naked Chocolate massively in their research and PR. Kate, well, Kate's the raw cacao goddess that's getting it all going on all over the UK, so she just had to be there, too! It's an A-list affair, so am manifesting bumping into my Robbie and love muscle Russell Brand. I could get Russell into the raw cacao revolution and I could make Robbie stop smoking. All in one evening. Er, the thing is, it's the evening before my retreat... so balls and juggling spring to mind...! Oooh, we're gonna have a great time! Listen to what they say about the perfume: "Inspired by Latin rhythm and vibrancy, Blue Agava & Cacao has its own natural momentum of call and response. Delicious accords are intertwined with the distinct fragrance of the Blue Agava flower and Cacao seeds, which in contradiction, seamlessly flow together. The combination of fresh and sparkling lime and grapefruit, heightened through the additional sea salt , make Blue Agava & Cacao effortlessly modern. These citrus fruits contrast beautifully with the dark, rich and raw Cacao that envelope the senses. Blue Agava & Cacao’s lingering aroma evokes sensuality and sophistication, a luxurious liquid that’s sexy, edgy and persuasive." I don't know why they're calling it agava and not agave, though... Little kiddies 20th September -- I got my copy of The Mother through yesterday. Great as ever, it gets better every issue. I write a column in there, and the editor, Veronika is a wonderful mate of mine -- she's so sharp, funny and right with everything! Over the past few days, various people have been telling me what a "god little girl" Evie is. People with children her age can't believe how helpful she is, how she doesn't have tantrums, how she's affectionate, caring and sharing -- they especially can't believe how she shares her food. But of course she would, as we eat from the same plate most of the time -- we share. Children learn by example, not by being trained "Sit still and eat your dinner" doesn't work in our house. I sit down at Evie's table and start to eat. She then starts to feed me or just tucks right in. We feed each other, we get up for a bit, we get back to the table. I don't try to control her. Feeding time takes forever but at the end of it I have a very happy very satiated little girl -- and there's been no trauma or discipline. This to me is the beauty of natural mothering. Being with your child, being conscious and present with your child, as much as possible. My compromise (Evie in nursery for two afternoons a week) hasn't compromised her way of being. I'm happy. Evie's happy. We woke up at 4am today. Another of her Secret Mornings. She must get these from Uncle Joe. He does the same. In fact, the last few weeks she's been rummaging through my photo box (a big box of unfiled nowhere-to-go pictures) and finding "Daddy" and "Joe" and "Shaz" as she now calls me. I can't wait for her to see Uncle Joe when he next comes back to England. I digress... 4am, Evie clearly needs a poo, which is why she can't sleep. She's been clamped to my booboo for hours and I'm in a bit of mild pain. We get up, we eat romaine stuffed with avocado, Crystal Manna, kale and olives. Evie drinks coconut water. We attempt bed. Evie gets up, it's 5.30, and I'm really tired. We eat more food, I can't remember what, I was so spun out. Evie was saying "Ow" to her tummy ache, but didn't poo. Eventually we fall asleep, off the booboo, in each others arms at about 8am. We woke up at 9.44. That's 44 minutes later than we were supposed to be on the road to the office for a few days. Rush rush rush, get washing on line, teach Jen how to do a label on phone, collect food, clothes, nappies, computer... forget whole dehydrator full of biscuits made the night before (the best ever, I have to say)... drive to the office. Am hoping biscuits will survive. Am hoping Evie will survive without biscuits. Eventually, gone midday, Evie pooed and all was well and easy again. How is pooing such a trauma for a child? I've never in my life been unable to sleep because I needed a poo! But maybe as a child I did... I don't remember. So Evie sleeps very little in comparison to most kids. Eating a raw food diet gives you at least two hours more a day, and don't I know it. I couldn't eat cooked food all the time even if I wanted to! How do cooked parents cope with energetic children? Maybe that's why the telly's so popular? A mate of mine today told me that kids as young as two and a half in the USA are being diagnosed as depressed and put on Prozac. Er... what do I not get here? 1) Do they have a Prozac deficiency? 2) What are their parents not doing to allow a child to become depressed? 3) Why is this even legal? Answers: 1) No, so they don't need Prozac to get better. Prozac has only ever and will only ever suppress the symptoms, and not cure the cause. 2) They're probably so disempowered themselves that they don't know how to bring their own kids up happily and healthily. More on this in a mo... 3) We know the answer to this: humans are conditioned to believe all they are told. The white coat is a powerful symbol that's embedded deeply into our psyche and it's abused to the max in many circumstances. Doctors do not always know best, but they are paid bonuses by the big pharm companies if they get a good quota of patients onto their drugs (this happens with vaxes, too, which is why mothers are pestered to the point of insanity if they choose not to poison their children). Prozac is legal for one reason only: Because people allow themselves to be disempowered. Humans are the only animals in the whole world who go to someone else for medical advice!!!! Read that again! No monkey, lion, dog, cat or mouse goes to another and says "What ails me? What potions do you have?" They all, without exception and without fail self-medicate! And my goddess, for us, it's sooooo easy to self-medicate -- especially with all the free information on the Internet. Why would you do anything else? Why? Fear? Fear is the opposite of love, guys -- love yourself, love others and fear absolutely nothing. NOTHING. Self medication So I practice what I preach (on and off the soapbox). Amongst all the other billions of things I'm doing right now, I'm getting rid of a mole on my back. You can do this in a variety of ways. You can get sliced from a doctor (lots of NHS money, big waiting list, sure scar, handing over responsibility), you can use simple vitamin C (protocol on the internet), you can use a treatment that burns it off, or you can use a herbal treatment that creates an immune response in the body which attacks the mole and makes it fall off. Clearly I chose the latter and am having great fun. I'm on day 3, the mole will drop off in a day or two and will leave a crater. That will fill in in about 10 days, then it'll go the correct colour over a few months, maybe leaving a tiny scar. Why am I doing this? It's a fair sized mole, and it's altered in shape, and has started tingling. Signs of skin cancer. Like I'd let a doctor near me for something like this!!! The stuff is from no-moles, and is black walnut hull (a known anti-carcinogen) and a few other things. It removes skin tags (the one on my ear is getting treated), warts (including the downstairs variety), moles and skin cancer. It's great, and I'd sell it if it wasn't for the fact that our trading standards would probably shut me down! Imagine curing your own cancer, when the pharm companies could do it for you at a cost of thousands to the NHS? Well, my uncle died of cancer this year and he got burned massively by the mis-administration of drugs. This is a regular occurrence, and it totally sickens me to my stomach that it's still going on, that it's legal and that people -- disempowered fearful people who've been misfed information all their lives -- put up with it and accept it as truth. It's not. There are many cures for all cancers, they just aren't profit-making. So my mole will soon be off, and I'll deal with a few others dotted around my body. Apparently, if you have more than 50 moles you are prone to skin cancer, so you do need to check these out. I have loads here and there, and as I'm so fair, I'm keeping tabs on them. This one is the biggest and most difficult to do as it's on my back, the others will be fun and easy, and it doesn't hurt a bit (though apparently warts hurt if you try that). I tried to photograph it but couldn't get a good shot, not even with my hyperflexible arms. Anyway... back to kiddies... So I read in The Mother a fantastic quote. "How are children supposed to learn when they're stuck in a school all day?" Genius! That's totally how I feel. You know what I want for Evie? I want her to become a medicine woman. I feel it's her vocation. Today, Charlie was feeling a bit peeky. I was giving him some Reiki and Evie came up and copied me. She then climbed up onto him, snuggled him and said "Is that better?". Then she repeated it all about 5 times. She's obsessed with "ows" and is so loving. She also loves to collect plants and smell them, pinch leaves, dig roots etc. Tonight when I'd made her dinner, she put her hands over it, like she was giving it Reiki. Bless her. I've recently consulted a guy who talks to ascended masters and one of the questions is about the direction I should steer Evie. I'll see what he says in a week or two. I just love the fact that she'll get into whatever really interests her and SOD co-signs and tangents and sticking heads down loos and bullying and meat paste sandwiches and pigswill and PE on sweaty mats and sitting still with your hands on your head having to be inside when the sun's shining and asking to go to the toilet and waiting an hour for a drink of water and missing mummy and wondering why she's not there. That's not life, that's prison, and Evie's done nothing wrong so she ain't going! My little girl is going to be so free she'll fly, soar and glide through life... and her choices will be her's not societys, and they'll be made through love, not fear. Here endeth the sermon. Here's Lottie! 24th September -- Oh, how long have I waited for her? She's beautiful, perfect and so yummy. Vera's not chuffed, but it's good, she's going to my mum so I'll still visit her. So I got Lottie on Friday, and I had Evie with me. Imagine trying to get told all about your new car with a toddler pooing and playing about... Imagine trying to get all that techie stuff in your head when Evie's throwing the keys about and turning the engine off each time you turn it on (a disadvantage of having a button!). Oh, she's gorgeous. I've not gone off Evie or anything, but I do feel like I've got two babies for now! Oh, this morning me and Evie went forraging for rosehips, they tasted like tomatoes, the lovely ripe-jewlly ones. Later on we had brambles off the bushes down the lane. Two free mineral rich wild meals in a day. It did feel perfect. Right, I've got just two weeks to get ready for my retreat... so much to do so may be a bit quiet for a while. Love you. Ooooh, me grapes 26th September -- No, not those grapes, these grapes. More free food (we're on a roll). These came out of my garden today, bunches and bunches of them. They're so sweet, and totally unsprayed etc. Fab... me and Evie and Evie's gran are loving them! Our Christmas party! 27th September -- I've been so excited about this, and have had to cross my legs in anticipation. Check out our flyer, and the rest of the page. You can book now, but you probably won't! This will be our biggest event yet, with an anticipated turnout of 150 people. It's going to be so much fun, but you can just choose to dance all night if you want. It's fab! Lottie #2 I've had a really interesting comment about Lottie -- like why is someone who's extra-busy saving the environment buying a new car? Oh, v interesting question ;-) First, I would have loved a hybrid car, I think they're a great option, and as Lexus is part of the Toyota group (who make the functional but not pretty Prius), I did ask all those questions. Lexus do a hybrid, but it's a great beast of a car and still uses more juice than a car my size. Lottie looks dead beefy, but she's just a saloon with big wheels. I got the sport version simply because the seats weren't leather. To my knowledge there were no second hand Lexuses without leather seats coz it's a new type of car that only came out a few months ago. Even when I was first enquring, my sales guy assumed the seats would be cow, as they always had been in the past. Plus, this car has a massive amount of new technology that goes towards making it really fuel efficient, really low in emmissions and really cheap to run (compared with other similars). I'd have loved to have stretched Vera, I love her dearly, but the fact is, I couldn't. I had to get another car for space reasons with Evie and my travelling all over, and I thought about all the implications and pros and cons. And you know what, as well? I really really wanted a white car. They're like gold dust, as they have such bad resale value, but as I'm figuring that Lottie will be the last car I ever buy, I didn't care about that. So, just as I've painted my whole house white, I wanted a white car. There' s something vibrationally beautiful about her, despite the fact that she's metal and stuff. And finally, I chose a diesel so I can look into using alternative fuels. I guessed there's no point getting a petrol car. Now, all this isn't me justifying Lottie coz I don't need to, I'm just writing about it as it's obviously something that could be seen as a little bit hypocritical. The cost of her has nothing to do with it, it's the fact that she's new and not a hybrid, that's what you may not get... So hope this helps. And believe me, I do a massive amount of good to more than make up for this ;-) And finally -- material goods don't make you happy!!! This new car is gorgeous, but I'd swap her in an instant for the world to become natural again. I'd be ecstatic about that. Next

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