 2006
-- July's journal
1st July -- Hey guys. Happy July. Wow, the weather's here, isn't
it? I've just come in from sunbathing. Joe's been showing me his
myspace profile so now I have to have
one. More in a few hours on that, I reckon. Been holding off on
it but if it's good enough for Joe...
Anyway, am really enjoying having company in the house and Evie has an
NBF. Oooh, it'll be strange when he goes.
Sorry guys, loads to write about but what can I say? It's sunny outside...
see you v soon! Love love love...
Oh -- check out our new July
offers, btw...
3rd July -- Finally got Evie to sleep at about 10.40 last night.
It's too hot here and she's too excited with Joe being here, coz he plays
with her so much. They're v funny together. She's part of his exercise
routine! Anyway, then I spent a bit of time blinging up my Myspace
page. I'm having such fun, I feel like a 12 year old boy on an old Atari
or something.
Cor, Vera said it was 38 degrees today. Am loving this meltyness, but
it doesn't half fuddle your brain, eh. It's taking me four times as long
to do anything...
Made the best raw cake ever yesterday. It's one of those that you throw
together and don't remember what you're doing. Will attempt to replicate
it so you guys can get to try it ;-) Evie loves it and won't even share
it with her baby dolly, who usually gets everything of hers...
6th July -- Wow, haven't had much time to write recently -- sorry
about that. Funny how having a real life stifles the cyber life I've been
living for the past 6.5 years. V excited about having more of a life as
time goes on. Got v excited about some new labels I'm designing, too today.
My next chocolate bar is almost among us... she's so close, I can smell
her! Me and Joe made the prototype today (Evie helped lots). And we ate
so much of it, god, it's so delicious -- not as hardcore as Temptress,
more of a milky chocolate. Oooh! Should be out in about two weeks -- just
waiting for a very special ingredient to come from Peru.
We also made flax crackers that made my Vita-Mix smoke. And we added
some lovely Mexican spices to them. Mmmm. And for tea, we all sat at the
table for a change, and Evie ate the same as us, which was really good
-- she usually doesn't eat my food! She loved this cuke and *pine nut*
salad that Joe made. Can't believe I let her eat pine nuts. Also, Joe's
putting all my pictures and shelves up, so my house is looking much more
like a home. I'll get some piccies up of it soon. I've been photographing
my fridge, it's so green in there!
We're off to meet Jessie and Finlay tomorrow for lunch, and the kids
will play in the park in Cambridge. They love hanging out together, as
do me and Jess. Can't believe Joe and Jessie have never met.
Matt's on holiday for a bit now, so Evie won't see him. And I won't get
a break on Saturday! Good job I'm in Superbeing mode and working my butt
off in the evenings at the mo. Oooh, I'm so enjoying my work right now
-- it's all v exciting. Still visualising my Brighton mansion, too. It's
all go. And now here's another go... am going off to bed. Sweet dreams
all... Love to you!
7th July -- Oh, I think I have a few moments (unless Evie wakes
up) to have a natter with you. We had a lovely day with Jessie today,
and I'm working on her to move to Brighton. Well, you've got to be near
your mates, haven't you? Anyway, we were telling Joe how everyone in the
village we used to live in used to get us mixed up, even though we don't
actually look alike, but we have almost identical energy... then the waitress
goes "Is this your sister?". Gotta keep Jessie living near me.
Er, gotta move myself yet... still think it'll take almost a year to orchestrate...
it's not come upon me how to manifest such greatness of dosh yet.
Male energy
Aw, having Joe here's great. We've spent a lot of time together over
the years, and I don't feel like I have to entertain him, and he looks
after Evie a bit. Evie loves him so much, and when she wakes up she gets
out of the bed and opens the door and goes "Joe. Hello. Hello. Joe.
Joe..." etc, like for ages, and then Joe comes up to get her and
play with her while I peel my eyes open. Wow, if I have a man *ever again*
in my life, I could have a life like this for proper. I think it's so
great for Evie to have that male energy around her, she's flourishing
with it. Great to see that. Hope she'll be OK when he leaves, though.
Will probably have to take her to my parents' house for a bit to transition
her.
Defragging my brain
Had to go to Staples yesterday to get an external hard drive. My computer
wasn't coping, so I thought I'd put loads of work on another brain. Wish
I had another brain, this one's full of babies, and when I get a few hours
to sit and work I have all fluffy stuff in my head for a bit -- it's quite
hard to go from right brain to left brain so quickly... I guess that's
like having a partitioned hard disk isn't it?... So now my computer has
a partitioned hard disk and an external one... and he's still going "can't
cope, must find ark..." and so I searched for large recently made
files as Photoshop sometimes dumps big temp files and I found one that
was 5.5gb! No wonder my computer went wobbly... So I deleted it, and computer
was fine. Made me think that I've probably got loads of unneccessary files
in my head, that if I deleted them my brain would run smoother... the
chatter that I sometimes get, the what ifs, the why not mes and all that.
So Joe's going to hypnotise me, defrag my brain and make it run faster
and more efficient, just like Victor (that's my computer's name). Oooh.
And Joe keeps saying nice things to me, about me, coz I still have a
lot of that stuff left over from when Matt used to say horrible things
to me -- which over time wore me down and made me feel worthless, unnatractive
and generally bad about myself. But I had his baby and I didn't have the
emotional strength to do anything about it, I just absorbed it. There's
so much I've kept private about that whole thing, coz it is private. I
didn't realise how residual it was until Joe recently pointed it out time
and time again when I'd make comments about myself. Yeah, I know I'm magnificent
at some things, and then I put myself down at silly things. Am so having
my slate wiped clean. I'm gonna be magnificent all the time!
Joe's parting gift
15th July -- Aw, it was so great having Joe here for a couple
of weeks. He's now gone, and I won't see him for three months. We had
a great laugh, some right deep talks and some fun with Evie. Joe gave
me some David Deida
material to listen to. Joe's been learning from him for a while, and has
given me snippets of info from his teachings. Now I'm deep into listening
to his talks. It's mindblowing stuff, and exactly what I'm ready to listen
to.
As I said before, Joe did some hynotism on me, and we've been talking
a lot about the masculine and feminine. As one of my best friends, I talked
to him about how I ache to be with someone, to have a partner to share
the wonderful things in my life with. Having not had that for years and
years, it had made me start to feel that there was something wrong with
me, or I'm too fussy or I'm too isolated etc, and it had started to twist
and turn me inside. Not what I want, as everything else in my life is
so amazingly great. I've never understood it, and it has really really
hurt at times.
So the hypnotism took those feelings away, kind of shifted the focus.
And then talking about David Deida's teachings, I now truly feel that
emptiness has disappeared. Yeah, it's only a shift in perception and attitude,
I'm still single, but I'm now starting to accept it. I'm feeling like
it doesn't matter -- that I'm open to the whole world, and there can never
be anything missing because it's all here anyway -- no matter how it manifests.
Check this quote out...
This is his description of the 3rd stage feminine
"I am light and I'm here to bless the world with my light. If
no-one notices me, fine, I'm here to bless the world with light. To
literally radiate light in the world put love to give love to shine love,
light. To create life in this room, in my home, at my job, the city, the
community. To be light, to magnify light (which is love) in the world
as the world. To realise I am love and light and that unless I'm magnifying
it, I'll feel like I'm living less than I could." (from David Dieda
-- Love, fear, trust, depth.)
Now, this is how I'm feeling. I've gone from that feeling of missing
something really essential in my life to feeling that I'm just love, that
I'm creating infinite love in my life, in everything I do. I'm really
tired today (after an excessively busy week), so am not articulating v
well, but I wanted to write this while I'm still feeling epiphanied by
it. You know, maybe one day I'll have a man in my life again, maybe I
won't, who knows? Maybe sometimes I will feel empty about it if it doesn't
happen, but I do honestly feel that deep pain has gone for good. About
time...
So I'm truly thankful for the time Joe spent here, for his words and
his wisdom... it's been life-changing. Wonderfully life changing.
Party on the beach
Just a quick reminder that we've got a raw food pot luck on Great Yarmouth
beach next Sunday. More details here.
Testing my luck
16th July -- So with my newfound total contentment, me and Skippy
went into town on Friday with Evie for a long lunch/park thang. My beloved
Komodo flippety flops had just broken a couple of hours before, and so
I went "First stop, Cult Clothing for shoes" Women have quite
obvious priorities. I couldn't see a pair like the ones I had, so I asked
for my size in another pair (I didn't like them as much). I was talking
to the guy at the checkout about how lucky I am, and how you can create
your own luck etc. He's like "yeah yeah". So the other guy came
back going "they don't have them in your size" and the first
bloke's going "so you're lucky are you?" Anyway, I went to the
shoe stand with bloke #2 and searched for shoes in my size. I didn't like
the choice, and started blathering on about how much I loved my old ones
and I wished they had them. I described them and said I got them from
here ages ago. He said "Well, all the shoes we have are out here,
but I'll just go and check in the back for you". And you know what's
going to happen, don't you? He comes up to me with a pair of shoes in
my size, exactly the same as my old ones. So I had to go on to bloke #1
about my luck, saying that the first pairs didn't fit coz I was destined
to get the same pair as before. Got a nice blister from them now, from
walking round town all day. I reckon that's one step up from calling upon
the parking angels, isn't it?
Tremendous twos
So Evie's two very soon! Don't know where the time went. She's an amazing
person. Totally radiant, alive, open, loving, sure, observant, confident,
healthy, and perfect. Of course! And with it comes the little screams,
tantrums and tears. They don't last long and they come for various reasons.
I guess it's mainly to do with the fact that she wants to do more than
she can express, though she does express herself well. These little kiddies
also have masses of growth hormones still flying around their bodies,
so goodness knows what it must feel like inside there. Imagine a teenager
times 1000, and we're probably somewhere close to feeling it. To me, it's
a time of more present mumminess and love. When she screams, I normally
hold her close, ask her what she wants and pick her up so she can point
to things. If that doesn't happen we cuddle until she feels happy again.
If she has one of those times where she just moans, like "I want,
want want" (but without the words), I firmly tell her that she mustn't
behave like that. That weird moaning comes from unconscious emotion, and
I feel it's important to bring her back into herself. It works. This works
for us. She's getting to know her boundaries and I'm just about managing
to keep mine.
Today
18th July -- Today has been a really tough day for me. It's four
years today since my ex died... it's not affected me this much before,
but I've been in tears most of the time all day. I just don't know why,
but I guess I don't need to, I just was. Bless him. Bless him... Thankfully
Evie's gran came over for a visit, and then Lynda came over tonight so
me and Evie weren't alone. God, I've sobbed buckets... what's that all
about?
Yesterday
 19th
July -- Had a very gentle night with myself last night, didn't work
or anything. Started to sort out my spare bedroom that's going to be my
yoga and meditation room. Me and Evie went to Evolution today to get some
cushions and curtains for it, and I've been sorting it out today, too.
Just felt the need to create something beautiful in my home. It's the
only room I've not touched -- the boys painted it white, but we stripped
it of the carpet coz it was vile. I'm going to get a new one tomorrow.
I know I don't want to live here for much longer, but I still feel that
I want to complete it. I've been here a year now, and I've not unpacked
everything! Anyway, that'll all change as I'm about to advertise for a
housekeeper -- realised that I can't keep this house as I want it on my
own, so will get a part time person in to help me nourish it. Full time
mothers aren't designed to be slaves, too...! You know, with running my
business (and it's got so big, I can't begin to say), and having Evie,
and all the life I have, I don't have time to nourish my home as it deserves,
so I'll let someone else do it for me!!
 Chocolates
galore
I've been creating my other chocolate bars... here are the next two.
The others will be out soon, but I'm a bit busy for the next month so
can't say when. Am working as hard as I can on them for you.
I was so excited about painting again, that I decided to do all the chocolate
designs myself. It's actually radically altered me, and I just want to
sit in a cave and paint now. I forgot how much I loved being an artist.
Yey, I'm an artist again! Am thinking about doing prints of these chocolate
ladies, as so many people who've seen them said they really love them.
What do you think? Would it be worth doing? Like without the rest of the
packaging, just the women!!
We were so fortunate to recently find a local company to produce these
chocolates for us, as our team couldn't cope with the amount of orders
we got! They're making hundreds at a time, whereas we could only do about
50 at a time. And the lady who owns the company is so into raw food and
detox. We've got some great plans up our sleeves for projects with her!
Hozzie update
20th July -- Oh, we went to the hozzie on Monday to get a check
up from the pine nut incident. Yeah, the report said they'd removed plant
matter from Evie's lung, which does mean there was a nut in there and
we were right to put her through the op. Bless her. Glad she made a full
recovery. Anyway, they also did a blood test to check her iron, so we'll
get the results of that next week. It'll be interesting, I'll be gobsmacked
if she's still anaemic, as she took the iron supp the hozzie gave her,
I radically altered her diet, she has loads of parsley and she has ionic
iron every day. We'll we'll soon find out.
I love this heat. Reminds me of living in Espana. You can't do anything,
but that's also good. Me and Evie are enjoying the paddling pool. Three
frogletts died in there the other day, must have got in and couldn't get
out when I wasn't looking. I empty it every day now. I was heartbroken.
They were so tiny...
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Me and the pot luck guys at our beach party
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Angel
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beach party kids
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Beach babes
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Evie and Shazzie
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Faster kill faster pussycat
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Pussycatwalk
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Our new product design
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Fast as a batcatrat
25th July -- My sister, goddess love her... I said "We've
got the two new choccie bars to make, I'll give you two weeks to do the
first, and another week to do the next, and I put them up for preorder
on the web site. When I got to the HQ on Saturday, she'd not only made
the first batches for customers, but she'd made some spare for my beach
pot luck the next day. How fab is she? So all of you who ordered already
should get them today or tomorrow...
Anyway, we had a great beach party. Thanks to all who came and made it
beautiful. Am sad that I'm not doing any more pot lucks for now, but will
sort something out. So my next talk is in September at the Festival of
Life (not officially announced yet), then I'm at our retreat
with El Lobo. Speaking of the retreat, we're about halfway booked now,
so if you want to come, and want a specific room, please book now, or
you may not get the room you want. Just so you know, the double rooms
are now in very limited supply, so that's a big message to any couples
who want to book together. This event will sell out, so PLEASE, if you
really want to come, don't leave it much longer to book, as once the spaces
have gone, they've gone for good.
And apart from those two events, I'll be at the Funky Raw festie in a
couple of weeks, but just as a guest, not doing anything. Me and Evie,
our sunhats and cacao. Oooh.
So, I've just got back from a long weekend at my parents. Had a full
on day in the office yesterday... Evie loves these days, as she gets looked
after by everyone. Angel in particular is being fab with her. Yesterday
she took her to the shops, bought her some raspberries and some hair accessories,
and she came back with her hair in bunches. She looked like a teenager.
On Sunday, Angel took her to Joyland, and brought a pussy-cat back. What
happened to my Evie?
New branding
Something else I've recently been working on... As a direct result of
getting a groovy new label printer, we've been rebranding our entire range
of products. You'll see them soon if you buy them, they're all displaying
our lovely passion flower in a groovy design. They all match now, and
are easy to recognise, read and lovely to look at. Enjoy! And... we have
some fab new foods and stuff coming out over the next few weeks. Revolutionary,
it is...
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My summer of love
29th August -- Every now and then, we get a summer of love. It's
a time when everything feels perfect, beautiful and connected. This summer,
2006, is my own personal summer of love. Below are a few reasons why.
I'm loving my time with Evie
You know when you get this unexpected "I love you" from someone
you love? Well, this week, I got it from Evie! And she just keeps saying
it! Now, when she wakes up, instead of saying "Shoes" (like
before my eyes are open, she wants a walk!), she says "I love you".
You just can't imagine how it feels. And because this is my summer of
love, I'm going round telling all my mates that I love them, too! Let's
all do it!
I'm loving my tan!
Oooh, a bit superficial, but I've not had a tan for the last three summers
because of being 1) pregnant 2) with a small. So this year, me and Evie
have had much nakedness in our garden, and all that pram strolling has
got me browner than ever. Am loving the vitamin D effects, as my nails
and hair get really strong this time of year. Evie's shot up recently,
too.
I'm loving my mates more than ever
I'm so lucky to have the super smart talented fab mates that I have.
While me and Skippy contiune our Friday seven hour lunches, I hang out
with other mates as and when I can, and go on regular jaunts. This has
made Evie super confident and sociable, and lots of people comment on
that. She's only ever had about a week of being shy, and that was just
after her pine nut experience. The last few months have shown me time
and again that I need to be a lot more sociable than I've allowed over
the last couple of years. I've put the hard time I had with Evie's dad
behind me now, and am really enjoying my present time with the most special
people that I've ever met. I love my mates, every single one of them.
I'm loving my chocolates
Arun came over this week, and we've not hung out for a good six months
or so, so we had a lot to catch up on. We talked about new cars (yeah,
am getting excited about the closeness of my new Lexus, it's only about
8 weeks away!!), and new computers... my computer is now 3 and needs to
go to someone else as it's just not handling my intensive graphics work
any more. I fed him Siren
and he goes "This is the best thing I've eaten. Ever". He took
some home for his girlfriend and she totally loved Siren, too. She's been
nagging him to get some off of my web site since it came out! When me
and Skippy were in town yesterday, I pulled out some Siren. He loved it.
Evie stole his last bit. She loves it. I thought Goddess
would be the most popular, but Siren appears to be winning hands down.
I think it's all that algae-cacao alchemy going on. I think because I've
designed the packaging, drawn the women and invented the recipes, like
done the whole lot, am feeling as loved up with them as I was with my
books. They're funny, cute, healthy and happy chocolate bars. I love everything
about them!
I'm loving Veronika's blog
As well as having some fab mates that I actually see, I have some stunning
mates that I rarely see. Veronika (of channel 4's Extraordinary Breastfeeding
fame) is one of them. I feel like she's undergone a massive personal transformation
recently. Her writing is is always thought provoking, inspirational, educated
and spot on. Veronika is a superstar. Read these words from her blog today:
"People wonder why breast cancer is becoming so common. Mammals are
not designed to give their babies milk from the mammary glands of another
species. Defy nature and nature catches up with you." and "Cancer
does not grow on cells which are fed raw food (this has been proven in
a laboratory but the cancer charities wouldn’t tell you that)."
Her blog is
the best on the web, like totally by far. Love it.
I'm loving where I live
Hmmm.... even though I still want to move to Brighton (and have now convinced
at least 5 of my mates to do the same!), I'm actually really enjoying
Cambridge this summer. Yeah, it helps that we go to the seaside a lot
(like parents and business are in Great Yarmouth, and am off to Brighton
again today for the weekend), it's like, I go out of my door and there
are sheep and chickens and a big field and horses and very clean air and
peace. You don't get that everywhere, do you? Evie loves it, too. We love
it and appreciate it. I know that if I move, I'm going to have to go somewhere
that's got countryside around it, so maybe I won't be moving to the centre
of Brighton, then!!
I'm loving my business
With our new Marketing Warrioress starting in a few weeks, I'm really
excited about the direction my company is taking. My business is built
on pure love and passion, and I adore what it's doing to people's lives.
We've made a massive difference to some of the guys in Peru, with the
superfoods we buy from them, and I love that. We've also made a massive
difference to how the UK perceives raw food, and I love that. Am still
obsessed with re-educating the UK, and will continue to do it even though
I'm going to officially retire after my next two books!! Goddess, when
I look back at how I started the business, and what it is now, it seems
there's no limit to it. And I think that's a reflection on how I live
my life, limitless, I just don't allow limits, they're silly and human-made.
This business is love-made. Love it. And I love the way we deal with other
raw food/superfood companies -- no competition, just bigging each other
up and helping each other. Love that, it's a great way to do business
as it eventually benefits more people.
And I could go on, but you get it, it's all about love this summer. Here's
to love, life and liberty!!!
Is this your summer of love, too?
If you are having a summer of love, tell me three reasons why
and if you're lucky, we'll send you one of our new
chocolate bars (please state your preference).
Please...
- State the three reasons why this is your summer of love clearly
- Include your postal address and full name
- Put in your email subject header "summer of love"
- Send your email to Valerie
by 10th of August 2006.
By entering this competition, you automatically allow
us to publish your comments. If you want to remain anonymous, please say
so in your email. Winners will be notified by email after the closing
date. There will be 5 lucky winners, I hope you're one of them! This competition
is open worldwide!
Any old iron
A quick update on Evie's iron test. Her iron is now up to normal levels,
but at the lower end, and her iron stores are still low. I'll get the
actual numbers from the docs soon. They wanted to put her back on the
supp they gave her in hozzie but I'm not happy about that as it's full
of sugar. I actually did tell them that I think it's criminal to put sugar
in it. I really don't want that stuff going into my pure child. I was
fine doing it once, when her levels were really low, but as they're improving,
I'll just up the ionic iron that I've been giving her. In fact, she's
now having 3 x 5ml a day of it, spread out in the day. I'll get her retested
in about 6-8 weeks. Obviously the docs weren't that happy about it, but
they do respect my decision. Like I said to them: She's not anaemic any
more, so there's no development issues going to arise in 6-8 weeks, and
if this increase in ionic iron doesn't work, then I'll reconsider what
they're offering. If she was still anaemic, I'd have made a different
decision, for sure. All I have to do now is get her iron stores up, and
that's not an urgent thing, not like being anaemic. The thing with the
supp the docs recommend, is that they know the dosage, and with ionic
iron, there's no xmg of iron on the label. Bit frustrating, that. Now,
overdoing iron can be fatal, so I'm taking extreme precautions with this,
and not giving her something daft like 10 x the amount!!! Once her stores
are up, I'll lower the dose, and then she'll probably be out of the toddler-anaemic-risk
age. Apparently about 80% of toddlers are anaemic, so it's not a raw or
vegan thing, it's just that they don't often eat enough of the right stuff.
Plus she's mine and I've always had low iron, as has my mum (who was told
at the age of 10 go eat raw liver 3 times a day!!).
Now, am gonna go read in the garden while Matt looks after Evie, then
am packing for my weekend in sunny Brighton. How fab! Have a lovely time,
all. Much love.
Great weekend
31st July -- As predicted, the weekend in Brighton was outstanding.
Had fab times all round. Me, Kate and Jess made the best raw chocolate
cake ever. It was like a tiramissu. Oooh... tiramissooooo... Now have
a stack of work to do and don't actually know where to start, so Happy
Mondays to you xxx
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