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> Raw > Raw transformation
journal
2005 -- December's snippets
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Oh my goodness!!!! Sorted my lounge out tonight and just got poppet to bed, lit the fire and stepped back! You know, I've felt so on the edge today, all day (not helped by lying couriers saying my new delivery of Ecos paint will be here and it's not arrived, 2 days in a row, and they've told so many porkies, they'll have to come back as a snake or one of them dessert spiders something)... and now I feel. God, I feel HOME! After 5 months here, and 12 months toing and froing at Matt's, I feel home. I can't explain the overwhelming love I'm pouring into my lounge! My decorator will put up the curtains tomorrow, so I'll take some pics, though I might wait til pics are on the walls first... Oh, and I dec'd it all for Xmas in silver, too, with little golden angels that Evies says "Ta" too all the time.
Evie hasn't let me sleep for 4 days (maybe that's why I've felt on edge, not the house being upside down and the important meeting we had the other day!). Anyway, I went to her tonight "Gizafeeloyamouth" and she obliged, and there are 2 molars, 1 up, 1 down poking through. Bless her! Her only symptoms were sucking on my booboos all night and not eating much. No red cheeks or anything. Every day, since making that decision the other day, I feel more and more sure that I'm doing the right thing by here and she's not an experiment or egotistical extension of myself. I know from the way she is, the amazing way she is, that it's all alright. It's all perfect.
How lovely are you lot? Am so sorry that I only get to answer a fraction of the mails sent to me, but I really get so many that I just can't answer them all, much as I'd love to. BUT I do read them all and I feel so very very grateful for the support and love you've been sending me recently. I really do. Bless you, and thank you.
We've got our Christmas pot luck tomorrow, and I'm making the best ever nut loaf with cranberry sauce. Oooh, my nuts are soaking as I type! Am very excited, as all the regulars will see the house transformation. And what a site it is. I'll stop going on about it one day. In 2012 probably, when it all comes tumbling down and we'll have to forage to stay alive! Wonder if we get to keep central heating? Don't do the cold, me.
3rd December -- Haven't I written a lot recently? I think it's since Annette left, not having that nattering thing going on, and talking baby talk all day long makes me want to express one way or another bits of my life. So you lucky lot get it!! Anyway, just voted for Journey South off of the X Factor. They are so fab, love them to bits, and last week's U2 song was anthemic. Is that a word, or a Shazzie word? Anyway, hope they get through to next week. I'd like to se Brenda, JS and Shayne in the final. Andy's good, but his music's not what I'm into. Chico's funny, bless!! Oooh, was quite psychic tonight, don't know who was programming who, but I knew Shayne would sing a George Michael song, and Andy would sing When I fall in love. Brenda was so fab this week, hasn't she blossomed? Anyway, just an hour to find out who's through!
Love Saturdays. Play with Evie in the morning, then Matt has her for a few hours while I try really really hard to do nothing. Very difficult that, you should see my in tray! But I do know I have to balance life, there's totally no point in killing myself with work -- which I would if I didn't force myself to stop from time to time. I guess that's what passionate people do, don't they? If I still painted, I'd be at that all the time. I sometimes go up to the gym and hang out in the jacuzzi and sauna, but couldn't face it today. Just wanted to look at nice newly painted walls!!! Anyway, got fire on, Evie Teevie's asleep, and am just about to finish cleaning kitchen from last night. Saturdays are very special. As are other days, but I love Saturdays the most. Me and Matt try to play with Evie together for a bit, too, so she grows up knowing Mummy and Daddy are united for her.
Oh! Last night -- our Christmas pot luck! Was fab, 4 new people, and lots of lovely food. The best yet. They get better each time and I get surprised every time, too. I made the best nut loaf in a heart shape with goji and cranberry sauce (a big hit!!!). Someone brought some great kale and mushroom salad and a fab beetroot and sprout salad. It all just went together so perfectly. Very happy. So was Evie. These pot lucks are great for her -- positive people, raw kids enjoying themselves, nothing Evie can't investigate. Am v pleased I started them, even though I get the worst kitchen in the world to tidy the next day! Anyway, we've decided to change it a bit for next year, details coming up soon.
Gotta tidy up now! My new cleaner starts next week, she's a mother's help and cleaner, wonderful woman and only lives a street away! Life will be more sparkly then.
Am off now. Really!
12th December -- OMGoddess.... The party was totally wonderful, and even more special with the last minute venue change. Can't write about it yet, as my decorator's just come back and my office is about to have an Ecos transformation. Will report back when next online with calm decor instead of weird boy-blue paint. Oooh, fab fab. xxx
Managed to put some pics up, will unmute myself soon.
xx
18th December -- Ah, me Journey South boys didn't win the X Factor. Bless them. Given the three remaining acts, they should have come second, and I think it's right that Shayne "why don't all blokes look like that" ward won. I think Brenda should have been in the final instead of Andy, but all 3 acts on the night sang perfectly, and any one of them could have won really. Anyway, I think it's great Journey South didn't win, it proves yet again that there are no shoulds in this world, and also G4 didn't win and they've always got records out, so they'll still do really well. Lovely boys. I'd have them round for a smoothie!
Am not going to get onto the subject of men, this month! Only because I haven't got time (Evie's just having a nap and I've got to clean up before her grandad gets here). But it's the same old same old. Am now thinking this self-imposed abstinece is pointless and only serves to make me feel like I'm wasting my life. Told Universe I was ready, fended off offers of the non-mr-perfect kind and still mr perfect isn't here. So am not sure what I feel right now about all this. How can I manifest everything else in my life? I'll give it a few more weeks before I complain about it again ;-) Anyway, didn't mean to, but had a go at Matt this week about my non-existant man-life. That doesn't solve anything and I didn't feel big or clever about it, but I guess there's a part of me still thinks that if I'd never met him, or if he'd been more of a man I'd have a life, rather than having to do everything myself and being constantly exhausted. It's fine him coming over to see Evie, but he's not the one who never gets to finish a meal, never has a bath alone, hasn't had a full night's sleep for 16 months, and had barely any sleep for 3 weeks, is he? It's not at all equal when one parent lives elsewhere. Also, heard some really tragic news about someone and was really upset about that all day, so that probably contributed to it.
Am so not ready for Christmas. Not got any pressies yet, or written any cards. You just can't do all that on your own when your baby's got big teef coming through so won't let you work (read shop online for pressies) at night, and your house is upside down from being decorated etc. Am not sure if I'll manage it this year. Might have to do some IOUs... Am sure everyone will understand.
Just like the proverbial bus... Bessie mate Lisa's getting married on new years eve (awww!!!) and mates Bov and Chrissie who always throw fab nye parties are having one this year. I'll have to see what time Lisa's wedding party ends near St Ives, then might drive off to Bov's house over in Suffolk. A bit of a way, but it may be good for Evie to rest after being at Lisa's wedding all day. I'll have to go to Bov's house in my really posh frock from the wedding. May start to talk posh instead of like a Northern fish wife. Might make people take me more seriously!
Right, am off to clean up now... Lots of love. Even to Matt.
xxx
20th December -- Yey, I did it! I took a whole 3 hours off today! Me and Evie went off down Mill Road to get our Christmas durian -- they ALWAYS have them, and guess what? We're having other than durian this Christmas! OK, I may make a nut loaf, as I've been making some outstanding ones recently. Only thing is, Evie won't eat it, but loves durain. Que sera sera.
Then I dropped Evie off and went for a facial. Blimey, was I tired? Woke myself up three times snoring. And I don't snore! So came home, did the bare mininum of work for some stuff outstanding today, then laid in the bath for a whole hour on my own! Ah, the simple things. Evie's in bed at the mo, after not sleeping last night, so I'm now classically avoiding bringing my stuff back into the office after having it decorated by writing in my journal. All that organising of stuff leaves me cold! Would much rather be writing. Actually, when me and Evie were playing in the bath today (yeah, I've had two!) I made up a really groovy kid's story. Will write it down soon and make it into a proper story. Always said that when I've written 5 books I can retire, so as I've written 3, I'm well on my way. Not sure how it'd sell, though! May be a bit of a vanity publishing trip, but that's fine, I'll just write 6 before I retire!
Oh, got so much to write. Was just thinking back to the last few days, or maybe weeks, and because I've been so tired, I've had shazziesnappy head on. Not like me, and it's not a side I like to display, so must just rest more when Evie's not around. She's still my no 1 priority, and this lark with her back teeth coming through is the most intense I've known it. BUT, at the same time, she's turned into such a girl over the last couple of days. I love it, she has this way about her, like flicks her arms and legs about as if she's breakdancing. It's like she's discovered the space around her. She keeps walking off down the road on her own when we go to the car. Very independent. And now her hair's all in her eyes, I got her some hair clips, which totally changes her face. She's just so grown up now, but can still curl up like a baby and whimper. Bless.
Anyway, so am realising that I need more rest and have reassessed my goals for next year to factor this in. I'm no good to anyone if I end up at the knackers yard! Have decided to take every Monday afternoon off. If I need to sleep, I will, if I want to go to the gym I will, etc. Then I'll work on Weds afternoons and evenings -- that's enough. I must realise I've got some amazing people working for me and I don't have to be hands on at all. Fab. That's that sorted. And in the mean time, I'll be writing my other goals over the coming 2 weeks, and reflecting on 2005. It was a gobsmaking year in terms of getting stuff done, and next year will be gobsmaking in terms of watching stuff being done!!
Lots of love to all
21st December -- OK, time to talk about the party! Am still reeling from it, to be honest. We reached a new level of raw food events. What an amazing mix of people we had, and how perfectly did it go together! Me and my mum made all the food, and it was nicer than I'd ever tasted. It was all raw and about 99% organic. Cost a total bomb, and that's fine because we're all worth it!
I've had the most amazing feedback, too, which is always great to hear. Fab, the whole thing.
Now, you all know that I like to inject fun and humour into life. So, in my talk, I did a review of 2006 (yes, some people went "2005" at me when I said that), where we had a new government that had banned all pharm-drugs,and were working with the Chinese on getting herbal and mushroom medicine on the NHS! The Queen had also knighted Jamie Oliver and Gillian McKeith for their food awareness programmes, and she knighted David Icke just for the sake of it! Oh and the government had admitted that time was indeed speeding up so we had been told by the Secretary of Positive Thinking to prioritise and only do fab wonderful things in our lives, and not to waste time on other stuff. All tabloid journalism and reality TV shows were made illegal! And finally, because of all the nutritional information being put out, obesity levels were lowered in the UK from 60% to just 2%, and those 2% of people were to be given masticating juicer tokens in the new year!
I also did a talk on 2005, what a year!
This year, I learned that teamwork is better than trying to achieve things on your own. I'm such a loner, and it's been one of my weaknesses to not ask for help. This year, I made a big effort to change all that, mainly because I realised I don't want to do everything that I want to achieve! When you're a creative person, you don't want to maintain things, you want to create new things all the time. Luckily, with this new commitment to teamwork, I watched the dreams I've just listed unfold. My decorators, my techie that worked with me on the web site, David Wolfe working with me on my third book, my family all working with me in my business! This was probably the most stunning highlight of the year, because it was so very new and wonderful to experience.
And this brings me to my appreciation list. Again, it's for everyone
to write this down at the end of the year. Who has really really helped
you the most over the past 12 months? They deserve an extra special message
from your heart.
My list was:
I was featured in a couple more papers and magazines this year.
We continue to work with the media behind the scenes and you'll see raw food take off in a big way next year due to the foundations we've laid this year. I can't say any more!
I talked about how Jamie Oliver and Gillian Mckeith had started a food revolution, and how that is softening the way for the raw food message.They are both modern day saints, in my unhumble opinion.
I mentioned the wonderful news that there's a guy in the government who's pushing through a bill to make it illegal to disturb a woman who's breastfeeding in public! Great!
Fish oils were all over the papers and magazines this year. Not great for the fishes, though the EFA information has proved to help a lot of people. We did our share of promoting the vegan, ethical version Omega Zen 3, which is DHA derived from a golden micro algae. The best study I read was where the children were given DHA for 3 months. Some of them had an improvement in their reading age of 2 years. There were also reports of better behaviour, happier children and improved concentration. Not long ago, prisoners were given vitamin supplements in an experiment. Violence dropped dramatically. The study ended, the vitamins were withdrawn and violence returned to its high level. It's my hope that people realise that a permanent nutritional change is necessary for consistent changes in behaviour.
The best film this year by far is What the bleep do we know? I resisted watching it for a long time because the cover didn't appeal to me. Ever the artist! But when my mate Ruth said I just had to watch it, I just had to watch it! How beautiful that these really clever quantum physicists (those who study the law of possibilities) confirmed everything that I've held true for so many years! The film is part documentary, part fiction, and follows a woman's journey as she realises she can create her own reality. Finally, the hippy way of thinking has been validated! Does it matter? Only if you think it does? Will it change lives? Yes!
And the best part of the film was the Messages from water section. That wonderful book, probably my favourite, is finally getting the recognition that it deserves. For those of you who don't know about it: Masaru Emoto found a way of photographing water as it froze into crystals. The shape of the crystals could be determined by the intention in the viewer's head, writing on the vial or music playing. Positive words such as love and gratitude, thank you etc caused beautiful crystals to be formed. Negative words and heavy metal music caused deformed crystals. Mother caused big crystals with small crystals next to them. In the film, the most striking new crystal of all is "you make me sick, I want to kill you", the crystal that formed clearly showed the shape of a person attacking another. Get it, people! We are two thirds water! We are what we think!!!
And the final piece of media information I have is the radio station that's revolutionising my working day (read night!!). When I found Hay House Radio, it was a real dream come true. I'd been scanning the internet for a spiritual radio station for months! Louise Hay (the founder of the Hay House, and wonderfully inspiring writer) is a personal icon of mine. I know she's touched many lives with her unique way of helping people, and I've loved her work for years. Now, she's collected some of the best self help people such as Caroline Myss, Wayne Dyer, Doreen Virtue, Soina Choquette, Sylvia Brown and many more, and they do talk shows. You can phone up and speak to them and they can tell your future or heal your pain or simply pray for you.
Went on a bit about my New Best Friend, the woman who looks out for me, who stops self sabotage, who encourages me to reach beyond my perceived limitations, and who loves me without judgement. She's my higher self and now I don't have to think about stuff, I just hand it all over to her. How great, having someone make the best decisions for you! OK, it's sometimes hard (re: not going for base chakra man situations), but I trust she knows what she's doing, regardless of my ramblings and impatience. Love her. I totally encourage you all to close your eyes and have a natter with your higher self... We did this at the party and you could see people's faces lighten up. Well, I could. Everyone else had their eyes closed!
The best way I know of to deal successfully with new year's revolutions (revolutions, not resolutions, as they revolutionise your life, and sometimes cause you to go round again...) is to write down your last year's acheivements on one side of some paper, and your goals on the other. If they match, energy and sizewise, then you know it's possible to do it all, and you're not being all pie in the sky about stuff. Though it is always great to do a bit more, or a bit better every year!
Looking ahead, I'm going to create the following in my life:
Oooh, and finally... I made my inspirations board last night, as Evie finally slept for the first evening in a month! And I made a Love and Gratitude I create my day poster for myself, from Emoto's water crystal of said name. Been wanting to do that for ages. I think it's a lovely thing to do, just write what you want in your day, and look at it every now and then. Love the crystals, they're soooo amazing... Anyway, I'm sharing it with you, though it's deeply personal (er, and this journal isn't!!)
AND!
I just had the thought that I should give all my staff an extra day off at Christmas as they have done so much this year! My goddess, I can't tell you how hard they've worked. So, we're not opening until 5th Jan, HAPPY CHRISTMAS, everyone!
22nd December -- just a quickie before an early bed time. Am so catching up on sleep this week, tis great. Well, like for the past 2 nights. Must stop exaggerating all the time. Anyway, had the fabbest massage tonight while Matt played with Evie. Lasted 1 and a half hours and I feel so much better for it, as haven't done any yoga for a couple of weeks due to Evie knackering me out. Life's looking great from here!
Anyway, have bought myself some Xmas pressies, which I do when I'm single as I love getting pressies! Got John Lennon's new book by ex wife Cynthia, and Sharon Osbourne's new book. Like biographies since reading Robbie's. Also bought myself an olive bowl with a bit for the stones. Always wanted one! And will go and buy something else tomorrow when I get Evie's card.
God, cleaner's off ill (bless her), so am having to clean house as well as try to organise self and pressies and Evie and food for Xmas. Am so not into cleaning. Tried to find joy in it, but just never did, so let it go. Not fab when I let it go and then have to do it, but really did enjoy cleaning my bedroom and en suite today. It made me feel all lovely inside. Evie got v excited about the change in bedding, as it's shiny, and so she slithered on it like a little snake. Bless.
Oh yeah, the John Lennon thing -- can't stop listening to his CD that I got the other day when out shoping with my new mummy friend that I met at the gym. Am v inspired by him at the mo -- can't believe he died 25 years ago and the words in the songs seem so NOW, you know?
Ohh, and did I mention that I've altered our retreat next year so we've got David Wolfe headlining? We were going to host him in Greece but I just couldn't organise it after Annette left, so I merged them both. This was the only date that worked with the amazing Croydon Hall and The Wolfe, so this is the one! Now, this will sell out, for sure, so PLEASE, if you want to come, book now, or be prepared to not see him... and after an absence of 3 years of speaking in the UK, would you want that???
Right. Am off to snuggle my small one. Ta for all your NY revoultions. Keep em coming, they're great!!!
30th December -- Hey kiddos. This is probably my last journal entry of the year, so it's lovely and special. Wow... what an amazing, life changing few days I've had. You know, I've been wanting to take a break, clear my head and spirit of a lot of debris that was pinning itself to me like Jimmy Crankie's badges, and thought "How can I, when I've got Evie all the time?" But, I did... I went off to stay with Muth and Fath for a few days, and Auntie Shirley and Uncle Ray were down. Evie was so happy just to have all her family round her, and I saw a different little girl. Realisation number 1 struck me then. I so enjoyed just sitting, chatting, not switching my computer on (though I took it with me!!), and letting work go. I don't work many physical hours as I won't compromise my time with Evie, but I do work a lot in my head, processing stuff, talking on the phone, etc -- and over the hols, even that just melted away. And that was fab because it let my feelings come in. Left brain is the biggest guard dog of them all, preventing change and feeling, so it's really important to make it go away sometimes. Anyway, then realisation number 2 came in. Here they are:
So there they are, my right brain was given some space and light and it came up with those feelings, totally contrary to what my left brain was talking me into doing. Good going!
Now then... Christmas... Wasn't it lovely? Lots of snow, and the most confused toddler in the world. Matt came over on Christmas Evie (we have Christmas Evie, not Christmas Eve in our house!), and Evie went up to a pressie and started prodding it. We rarely say "no" to Evie as I don't do the negative reinforcement thing, but we both just reacted and chorused "No", to which she started crying. Tongue went up and real tears came out and everything.
Anyway, Evie woke up on Christmas day a bit early, so we had a bath and some food, then went back to bed. We slept until 10! I could faintly hear Matt in the shower at some point. When we opened our pressies, it was like angels sprinkling love stuff all over... Evie's face was a totall picture. I got her a baby dolly and a pram and bathing accessories, she loved the baby and fed it and everything. I pretended to give it some booboo and she didn't take to that!
Matt got Evie tonnes of clothes and then I got all overwhelmed at my pressie... a DVD camcorder! I just didn't know! He did say I wasn't going to get a birthday pressie, and I said "Ever again!". What a gift. I very much appreciated it. Maybe it's because it was one of my NY revolutions to be nice to Matt!! Anyway, I do realise that it's so I can record Evie doing cute things (though pulling at the lens cap is the most exciting thing she does when I'm recording her), but even so. Anyway, am v grateful.
Anyway, I went to my parents later in the day, had another Christmas there, and more pressies, as my sister came over. Need a bigger house now!
Then my cleaner, Sue came over the morning after I got back, just as I was heading out to Matt's family for the day. Evie got more pressies (totally overwhelmed now!!!), and we all had a fab time. I was practising my "be nice to Matt thing" and caught a few sarky comments before the flew out of my NG (Northern Gob). That made a difference. Am sure if I keep it up for a few weeks it'll just alter my thought patterns about him, and then I won't have to try. When we got back last night, Sue had made the house look so beautiful, and I felt really grateful for that. Me and Evie made a kale, leek, carrot and apple juice this morning, before having our bath and we feel all nourished. Now, as Evie sleeps and I still insist on not working til next week, I'm sitting here with flowers on my desk and appreciating the peace of the day, my only day of seeing no-one (unless Skippy comes over for lunch, but he may be hungover and stand me up). All is totally perfect. Everything. This break from "doing" has really really sorted the wheat from the chaff (or wheat from the chav as I managed to say last night).
So with that feeling of warmth and love, I leave you for the year. I truly hope you have had time to be with loved ones, to be peaceful in whatever capacity suits you, and to feel and be. I wish everyone all my love for the coming year, it's going to be the fastest one yet, so get your roller blades on!
Much love
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