January February March April May June July August September October November December 2000 2001 2002 2003 2004 2005 2006

Home > Raw > Raw transformation journal

2004 -- September's snippets Motherhood one month on Evie at 4 weeks. She's got her eco-friendly nappy kit on here, but I'm struggling with it. It's all so bulky and she doesn't get the freedom of movement that she gets with evil disposables. At the moment we're using Tushies -- more eco friendly than most disposables -- they'll rot in a composter. Evie at 6 weeks and 2 days. We had her all checked out at the docs yesterday (17th Sept). Everything's fine with us both and I even got a lecture about vaccinations. How lucky am I? Friday 3rd September -- Blimey, what a month last month. Have been meaning to write my birth story and all sorts, but with having Tiny, running the business, finishing off my next book (it's a cracker!!!) and moving into Matt's place, I've been a little busy! So, I'm sat here with Tiny in my hugabub. Am not convinced about this, she seems to creek a lot when in it. Must check I'm wrapping it round right. Have just bought a huggababy, as Sara says that's the best she knows of. And Sara knows sooo much about babies and their things! Anyway, will see what that's like. This is great for going round town with (have managed that once), but feels so hot. And it was made in Australia, so god knows how they cope. I have a boil-in-the-hugabub baby! So, Tiny's not so tiny now at all. She's a big hefalump. We went to Hull at the weekend and on the way there she fitted into her car seat, then on the way back she didn't! We had to adjust her straps. She so rattled around in it when we first got her, too. Amazing. Gladly, her increase in size is matching my decrease in size. Am losing about a pound a day. And not too soon, either. Still can't fit into my normal clothes. How odd that I put so much on when I was pregnant. Am putting it down to being unable to walk after about 5 months (manky hips), living and working alone and only being able to eat successfully! Anyway, am back on track now with getting to normal little me. I reckon it'll take another couple of months though. Not sure my boobs will go down much. Honestly, they're great big swinging humungus things! All the better for feeding my Tiny with, though. Must start calling her Evie... Anyway, being a mum is fab. I'd totally recommend it. Am glad I didn't have her til I was emotionally ready, because it's a major emotional thing, but I also think 35 is a long time to wait. Want Tiny to grow up all emotionally stable and then have kids dead young so she's fit enough to keep up with them! But maybe she'll have a say in that! So, birth story. About a week before the birth I got 4 trays of wheatgrass from Aconbury Sprouts. I juiced it all, put it into ice-cube trays and had two cubes a day. I thought this'd help with the ordeal and healing my body was about to go through. For a few days before the birth I was taking Bach Flower Rescue Remedy. I was totally upset about not having a natural birth but also totally accepting of it. After all, I'd still have a lovely baby afterwards. But that doesn't stop the panic, really, does it? I'd never been cut open before, and I'd heard horror stories -- as well as good stories -- about c-sections. I guess what scared me the most was the needle in my back. The very slight risk of being paralysed grows in your head like a monster hiding under your bed. I was also scared of being incapable and dependent for the few weeks after, as I'm so independent. It takes me an awful lot to ask for help. We had to be at the hozzie for about 8.30am on the 5th of August. I knew Tiny would be born some time in the afternoon, and so we had a long wait at the hozzie. I made a smoothie (I was allowed to eat before 6am), had a bath and then woke Matt up. Then I cried and panicked. I took a homeopathic remedy for panic and anxiety from my birthing kit. That kit came in so handy, even though we didn't have a natural birth. We got to the hozzie, I got a window bed, and I was prodded and poked. No need to be shaved as I'd had a wax a few days before -- it grows back slower, so I thought it'd be better that way. I kept going to the loo. We found out that we were going to be the last ones in, so we'd go down about 3.30 ish. More waiting. I took an arnica pill just before we went down. I'd taken one before and Matt was under instructions to give me one after the birth. I can't remember if he did. I had other things on my mind! As the time drew closer, I got more and more anxious, but in a pacing up and down the floor way. I was going to the loo every minute or so by the end of it, but nothing was coming out, of course. Then a nurse came up, all flustered. "They've been calling for you, but we didn't know. We're late." Flashes of "Come back tomorrow, we're going home for dinner" went through my head, but only for a second because then I was running (it sure felt like it, but it probably looked like the daftest waddle ever). We dashed to the operating theatre with pillow in hand (they make you take a pillow down there). Everyone was waiting for us, and it was all so surreal from that moment on. I didn't want them to be rushed, I wanted calm and chilledness. I started to get scared but something big took me over and I just did what I was asked. Matt was rushed away and I was sitting in a room with people dressed in green. The surgeon, a lovely woman, said she'd read through our birth plan and said most of the stuff was possible, except we couldn't wait any amount of time before the cord was cut. I guessed that may be the case, but asked all the same. She also said that I couldn't be naked as it was against her protocol. I asked her what was possible, then and she just went "Oh, let's do it naked then"! So I didn't have to wear a gown or anything. Then Matt came in all green-gowned up and with a hat on. I thought the hat was funny as he has no hair but I guess they like to cover as much of people up as possible, hence the normal use of a gown on the mother. I got a thing stuck in my hand which was to feed me saline fluid. I think some sort of anaesthetic went in there, too. Then came the bit I wasn't looking forward to -- the needle in my back! But my god, how amazing were these people! They were so friendly and talked me through the whole thing. They kept saying I was doing really well, and I wondered what I was doing well at, apart from sitting frozen stiff in fear! Matt was holding my hand as they did it, but in true Matt style he was squeezing it so hard I had to tell him to let go a bit! Reminded me of when the docs tried to turn Tiny and he was squeezing my foot so that hurt more than the turning attempt! One of the docs said he'd given me some heroin, but was cleaner than that which you get off the streets! Am sure it went to my brain because I lost all leave of my senses, I was total putty, but in a nice way. He assured me it wouldn't have gone to my brain... Then the docs laid me down, which I was supposed to do myself, but I had wonton foot and couldn't get it up on the table. Then they tested I was numb by putting something cold on different bits of me. It wasn't numb but my legs felt like they were made of that tin foil that marathon runners wrap themselves up in after a race. Very odd feeling. So then I was catheterised. I was talking total gibberish at this point. I said "How can you find my wee hole? I've never seen it". And strangely, she then couldn't find it, so I was going "I told you it was hard to find". What daft things to be saying! Anyway, then she found it and I had the other thing I was dreading, but it didn't hurt at all -- I couldn't feel a thing. And then we were ready. We went into the theatre, Matt was by my side. One doc said "Woah, where's the screen?" And someone goes "We're not having a screen" so he's like "OK, let's get the show on the road" and I just laid there in my weird stupor while the two women cut me open. Matt could see it, but chose not to look most of the time. Time then was really distorted and I've lost big chunks of what happened. I was chatting to Matt, haven't a clue what about, when I looked down and there was this blue bottom with its legs tucked underneath coming out of me. "On my god, it's a turkey!", I exclaimed. Then all went blank until I heard the doctors going "Look, look, look" and I looked and there was this little blue alien hovering above me. She'd been pulled out and turned over so her arms and legs were stretched out. She squeaked once, opened her eyes and looked straight at me. "It's a little girl" I cried. And I wanted to touch her but knew I couldn't for a minute. The midwife was there ready to hold my arms if I made a break for it. So all along, Tiny was a girl! What a turn-up. Means I'm submissive, having a girl. Dominant animals tend to have boys, and submissive ones often have girls. Hmm. So then again, all went blank. I guess the docs cut the cord (Matt didn't want to do this, but didn't totally make his mind up til the time, so we left it as an option in the birth plan). Then she was put immediately on me. There was only a lapse of less than a minute from being born to me holding her. And there she was, my little angel, lying on my chest, right up to my neck as there was so little room with all the medical stuff, but we were skin to skin, mummy and baby. I kissed her and loved her and talked to her. I think Matt got chance to hold her foot! The midwife made sure she didn't fall, as I couldn't hold her properly. She had a blanket or towel over her to keep warm. We did some amazing exchanges in those few minutes, and I'll love that time forever. It was magical. Totally magical. All the turmoil of not having a natural birth was behind me. I had my baby girl in my arms, she was perfect, and she was healthy. She was everything. About 10-15 minutes later, the midwife said she could wrap Tiny up whenever I was ready to let go. I said my arms had gone numb so she could have her now. She took her for about 5 minutes, Matt went with her and I watched. I was getting stitched up by my excellent doctors. The midwife sorted the cord out, put a nappy on her and weighed her: 6lb 14oz. She put her little pink tags on "Baby Holdstock". No way could I mistake her for any other baby,. though. I'd be able to find her at a thousand paces. Not that I'd be able to pace at this point. Then Matt took Tiny to the delivery room, big smile on his face. Wow, we'd escaped parenthood for 3 and a half decades, then Tiny descended upon us, and unexpected as she was, she was so so loved. Tiny was put straight to my breast with the help of a nurse. She sucked immediately and ferociously. Then Matt went to find my parents who had just arrived. I told him not to tell them what it was. As we were all expecting a boy, I wanted to see their faces when they saw they had their first granddaughter. My parents came in "It's a little girl" I echoed. Their faces were a picture. They held her, they loved her. Dean, my nephew was with them (wasn't supposed to be but he sneaked in) so he got to see his new cousin very soon. We stayed in this room for about 4 hours. I was strip washed, then I was wheeled up to the ward, with Tiny in my arms. We all stayed there for a while, nattering and stuff. Tiny was being passed round and getting to know her new family. Matt's mum and sister and brother-in-law to be turned up with half an hour to spare as they'd got lost. Everyone loved My Little Tiny One -- and how could they not? She was so sweet and peaceful and content. Everyone went well after visitors closing. Me and Matt just stayed looking at Tiny. At some point we decided to call her Evie, but I don't know when. Then Matt had to go, so it was just me and my girl for the first time. I had her on my chest, snuggling me. It was so hot we didn't have any clothes on. She just had her nappy on. That hozzie gown they put me in after I'd had Evie came off pretty sharpish once my visitors had gone. We were in awe of each other, taking each other in. I kept feeding her as she wanted it, those precious drops of colostrum setting her up for life. Then a nurse came by, and said "You will put your baby in the cot when you've finished feeding, won't you?" I said there's no way she's going in a cot. She told me it was against hozzie policy to have them sleep in your bed with you, and I told her I didn't care, I'm not putting my baby in a cot. She then said that I couldn't sue the hozzie if I dropped her on the floor! I told her I wouldn't, she then smiled and said "We used to encourage mothers to sleep with their babies until someone dropped theirs on the floor". Blimey. So me and Evie laid with each other, loved each other and barely got a wink of sleep because all the other babies cried most of the night. I got one short cry out of Evie that night, and I think that was out of tiredness as the other babies were making so much noise so much of the time, bless them. So that's the birth of Evie. Not how I'd dreamed -- I'd gone from wanting to give birth under a tree to having an elective c-section in a few difficult moves. But, do you know, I don't regret a single decision. Evie is a wonderful child, she only wakes up once or twice in the night, she doesn't fuss, she's happy, she's growing well and she's so beautiful. She's smiling so often, she's a funny little thing and causes our hearts to overflow with love. Bless her. Little milestones: Day 3 -- Well, night 3. Milk came in as I was feeding Tiny in the evening. I felt this trickle down my side and it's not stopped since. I am officially The Milklady. Day 4 -- Evie sat on Lisa, weed, then pulled her own cord off. Must have been annoying her. Week 3 -- Exactly three weeks old, Evie did her first non-wind smile. I'd just washed her, and I was putting her over my shoulder and my dad walked in, he smiled and laughed at her and she rewarded us with the biggest grin. She's doing them so much now, it's beautiful. Week 3 -- Some time in week three, she held her head up for the first time. My mum got this honour, when she was laying on her chest (her favourite position, she's such an upright baby). It was lovely to see. She's now trying to sit up. I think she'll have to wait a bit for that one. Next

You can order raw foods, my products and lots more online. or by phone. Give us a tinkle on 08700 113 119.

Copyright © 2000-2008 Shazzie | All Rights Reserved | Privacy statement | UK raw food events | Raw food UK | Special things | Products | About