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2002 -- February's snippets Expensive phone calls: Got my Telefonica bill through and saw a bill for £12 for a UK call which lasted 15 minutes. Then there's their tax on top of that. Found a company today called More who offer cheap phone calls for about 5p a minute, any time of day. 902 120 161 is their number. The telefonica monopoly is slowly crumbling. Expensive car insurance: It was time to get my car insurance renewed this month. My quote from the last company came in at €45 more than last year. Now, I've never ever made a claim, am a girl over 30 and have full no claims bonus. I asked them "Why the price hike" and they told me it was because of the introduction of the Euro and the September 11th 2001 thing. I scoured around a bit and found another quote for €53 less than that quote, so went with that. Then I found out that it was with the same underwriters! So the brokers were trying to have one over on me. Sorry, brokers -- that doesn't happen to Shazzie. Anyway, got chatting to new broker and he's owner of this Spanish guides web site spainguides.com -- he's going to advertise me and my company on there. I could do with some clients in Spain now. Might get me out of the house a bit more. Anyway, for cheap motor cover in Spain go for Gary Ford Insurances, he's a dead nice bloke and won't rip you off. 952 466 231 Suerte -- this means lucky, but like many Spanish things it's said like "You have luck", not "You are lucky". Suerte, our gerbil is called Suerte or Lucky because ella tiene suerte (she is lucky). Her mum ate all her other babies, and Suerte survived. Then one day she went on an excursion with her dad, and he died. Suerte survived. Then her mum died of a broken heart, because that's what gerbils do when their partners die. Suerte survived. That's why we got Skunk, because gerbils shouldn't live alone. Skunk isn't a Spanish word. He's called Skunk because he's black with a white stripe. Oh and he's also very laid back like he's had a bit of a smoke. Aw. 1st February -- Nature's first law are now selling my book, so people in the USA can now get it quicker. Rhio also now sells it, and Paul Nison is going to be selling it in a week or 2. Oh, and Jinjee's selling it at her retreat which is on all this month. Also put a new article up on the web about continuing the January detox. 3rd February -- Redesigned my company web site. It was 18 months old. That's about 3,649 years on Internet time. Am pleased with it. My love of colour continues to surprise me. We've decorated our lounge (salon) with a big red wall. It's very sexy. The gerbils like it. Oh yes, the gerbils. Now, as someone who would let them free if I knew they would survive, I'm quite amazed at how much I'm beginning to love Skunk and Suerte. Fernando still thinks Skunk is gay as he's made no attempts to get on top and wriggle about a bit with Suerte, while she's tried every get laid trick in the book. I just think he's very young and will get there eventually, but Suerte might have just exploded with frustration by then. Fernando brought home a massive see-through perspex table, which we now use as a coffee table, he's going to make that into the gerbils' house as it's much bigger than the one they're in right now. I think it's quite a beautiful concept, having gerbils in your table, but my mates seem to think it's disgusting. Maybe I just don't quite explain it correctly! Bob and Jessie finished their 28 day detox today. You can read about it on Bob's web site (since defunct). My favourite quotes were: Bob, week 1: "my libido had gone through the roof. Eating healthily and mainly raw really does increase your sex drive!" Bob, week 1: "Had a bit of a revelation today when my head told me that it was happy not to eat meat again. Like all revelations it picked a strange moment to spring itself, when I was changing a CD, and its left me wondering for the rest of the day. Will I never eat meat again, or will I do the usual and go back to my old ways. It's only day three of this detox thing, I thought it would take slightly longer for me to make that sort of decision." Jessie, week 3: "Someone in the queue before me had bought a hot roast chicken thing they do in metal bags, and it stank - of fish! I was really confused as to why is smelt of fish as roast chicken is often one of those smells that makes you salivate even if you don't want to actually eat dead chickens. But to really smell of fish? It was so confusing, I bent down to smell even closer and check that the label definitely said "chicken". It did, and then I noticed the lady giving me an odd look, so I acted like I had an itch on my back!" Jessie, week 4: "I completely tidied downstairs and organised the kitchen cupboards." (classic detox symptoms). Well done to both of them for their progress, on all levels. It's been a really great read. 5th February -- Ferny and I have been getting very excited about the new music download site we're using, Morpheus. It's great, as it scans all the computers connected to get the music they have. Well, I did panic a little bit when I saw that someone was downloading from my machine! I asked Ferny if it was a security problem and he said "No", I said "Are you sure" and he said "Yes, they're only looking for music". Aw! I wish everyone was as lovely as him. Well, I suppose everyone is in their own ways. 6th February -- It's a year today since I came to Spain. I've been wanting to do something special all day and didn't know why, then I realised. What a special celebration day it is! I've just found out how to get cheap phone calls. I must make a web page dedicated to all the stuff I'm finding out. Am getting stiffed for my car insurance - the want to charge me a bomb coz it's British. I've asked Vera if she would like Spanish plates but she says "No". Bless her little rubber wheels. I think she's scared because she'd have to have her eyes gouged out. At the moment she dazzles these Spanish cars (well, she is beautiful), and has to wear glasses to force her to look the other way. But having your eyes gouged out... oh. My dad said "Why don't you bring your car back to England, and I'll look after it for you - then you can buy a Spanish one". Er - how about "No", dad?! Gibraltans are the most helpful people on the planet. I wrote to a load of the insurance companies and all the ones who couldn't help wrote back with "But you could try...". When I was there in November with mis padres I first realised they were like sooo friendly it was untrue, but now has just confirmed that. Must be a good vibe on that rock. Talking of vibes -- what's going on in this house? I couldn't bear to be here last week. Well, we had some very sad family news which has shocked us all, so that's probably it. But I'm so percolated, like a teabag -- everyone's vibes just flood through me. Must do some meditation on that to work it all out. Am happier with the food here now, as a new supermarket has opened up, next to the municipal car park. They sell melons, mangoes, watercress, chinese leaf, big avocados, radishes, cucumbers, those nice red tomatoes and loads of other stuff. Glad I don't have to suffer the horrors of the one in the town centre now. I am not exaggerating here (for a change) but the other day when I was getting served a 4 foot tall fat woman pushed me right out of the way to ask the cashier a question. So I pushed her right back. Yeah, I might be all evolved on many levels, but this body doesn't take shit from anyone! I know us Brits have a bigger personal space boundary than Continentals, but getting pushed out of the way isn't normal, surely? Some of the women here are mighty strange. They have a scowl and walk round with their chests out and their arms crossing under their boobs, one had clutching their tan coloured purse. They remind me of big chickens strutting and scratting. Oh, and when they talk! They gabble, as my mum says. I have never heard women talk so loud. There was one in the house the other day gabbling to Ferny's nieces, and I was trying to work. It was impossible, I had to get her to shut up. Anyway. I still go to La Cañada, the shopping centre outside Marbella -- they have a bit of other variety and organic alfalfa sprouts. Oh, yes -- I meant to tell you about this. I knew the lack of organic food here was affecting my health, along with the vibe of this house, so I bought some superfood. I've been using it every day for a few weeks now and feel so much better for it. I won't need to buy stuff like that when I get my farm, as I'll eat the stuff straight from the tree or ground, but intensively farmed food not grown with love doesn't do anyone's health any good at all. So, geezers, if you're feeling a bit odd, give it a go. You might be very pleased with the results. What to do about the house? Well, I'm still magicking up my farm, but in the mean time, a lovely e-friend has suggested scattering rosemary. I'll see if I can find any and dot it about the place. Thing is, when there's no-one here it's OK, it's just there are no carpets to dim the noise of the gabbling/television/mobile phones. And when padre sits out the front with the door open, this piercing wind travels up the stairs and right into my office. Oh well, I'll be complaining about the searing heat in a month or 2! Had a power cut earlier (very common here) and now my office lights don't work. Trying to work by candlelight ain't easy! 12th February -- Bought myself a Valentine's pressie today. Well, I didn't mean to. I was in the shop buying stationery and I saw a lovely book covered in red velvet, it reminded me of Tatianna the witch books. It was a Spanish recipe book, and had lovely photos in, so I had to get it for my recipe book inspiration, you understand. The shop assistant asked me if I wanted it wrapped, so I though "Why not?" Decided to give it to Fernando as a joke Valentine's pressie, as I seem to always buy him things that I want. 14th February -- Happy Valentine's Day to everyone reading this! I bought some self-hardening clay for Ferny's pressie so we can make models of each other out of them. Kind of like lovedoo dolls. Next year I might buy paint for them... I gave Ferny the wrapped up book and pretended I'd bought it for him! I also made him a love CD, called Karma cama (cama is the Spanish word for bed) and made a beautiful cover...I'm such a good girlfriend sometimes. Took me a whole blimmin day to make it though! Phew. Oh, I also put paper hearts in Ferny's bath for when he got home! Then he sat at my computer downloading music for 3 hours until his romantic bath had got cold. Hmm. Aw. I love being in love. Am very soppy today. If you want anything from me, now's the time to ask! 28th February -- Parents are coming to visit so the lovely sun is going to hide, and out will come the rain clouds. It happens every time someone comes to visit me here. It's been so warm, too. Last night we built a new house for Fernando's gerbils. Skunk, the boy couldn't believe his eyes. He kept going to bed and then getting up to have another scout round. They're in a big coffee table. Tis very artistic, as well as natural for the little mites. I've grown to love those two little ratitas. Especially since Suerte stopped trying to kill Skunk because he wouldn't have sex with her. That helps. Even Skunk's tail, which has been bent ever since Suerte bit it ages ago straightened out as soon as he got his new home. A miracle. Oh, am glad parents are coming to visit, they're staying with my Auntie Shirley and Uncle Ray in a posh timeshare in Marbella. I'm going to stay with them tonight. Great timing as there's no water in the hot water taps here so I've not had a bath for 3 days. Me and Fernando both stink. It's too cold to go skinny dipping in a river, too. I still don't do the cold. So I'll have a posh timeshare bath tonight, and lots of jolly "Do you remember, you Sharon, when you was 2 and got drunk on Guinness" reminiscing. Families are so special, aren't they? Next

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