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2002 -- April's snippets Just as they call a bedside table a mesita de noche (little table of the night) they call a moth a butterfly of the night. Mariposa de noche. How sweet. They also call gay people mariposas, too. Apparently it's not said in a derogatory term, but is well accepted amongst gays and straight alike. 10th April -- Life is going odd at the moment. I think I'm in a time warp or something. I don't really feel fully here, though I'm very grounded. I can't stop eating flowers, which Fernando is finding very amusing. There's a saying here in Spain, if you're sure someone's bonkers, you say "They're either mad or they eat flowers". Hm. Little do they know, with their pig-eating ways. Suerte had a baby yesterday but it died. It was massive as well, about 3 times the size of normal gerbil babies. Maybe that was because it was the only one. Am premenstrual and in a bit of a grump with life. Since living in this toxic house I've never felt as fab as I did before, and so some of my old illnesses have come back, one of them being PMS. Another is that I have to blow my nose when I wake up. Am getting my new book written then I'm out of here. This place is so not me. Hope Ferny comes with me. Got a new friend called Carmen who I met in a second hand shop when buying groovy terrace furniture. She's a German naturopath and I'm designing her literature for her. She's lovely, and is going to do some chakra work on me. Got hit by a computer virus on Sunday night. Poor Ferny was downloading music and he downloaded and opened a virus. It wiped 8000 of my files. Luckily it was some graphics, css, js and music files, but not Photoshop, gif or tiff files, so I'm happy about that. Wasn't happy about the bloody inconvenience of it all, though. Message to people who write and purposefully spread computer viruses: please do something constructive with your talent, the world is a mess with destructive humans, and if you don't like corporations or other stuff, then fight them, not people like me who are trying their hardest to reverse the human-induced state of the planet. There. What else? Oh, am on an artichoke bender. I can't stop eating them. Well, they're flowers so it makes sense. And broccoli, it's amazing. I'm going to disappear like the people in that James Redfield book, soon. No wonder I have an energy clash with the women in the street here, there they are eating pig fat, and here I am eating flowers. I wish I could find my spaceship sometimes and just go home! Do I sound like I've lost it? I haven't, I'm just being premenstrual. Honest. "Just tried your soup*, had nothing in the fridge, and felt too lazy to make a salad,) It was yummy! didn't even add the garlic or ginger, Victoria Butenko sent me some crackers, they were sooo good, so that was an awesome meal. Felt like I was having lunch with my raw food friends across the world! Thanks again, that was sooooo tasty! oxo" Alissa www.alissacohen.com Great health is just a click away *Sweetness soup from Shazzie's detox delights. 15th April -- Well, judging by my mood over the last few days I should have known this was going to be a big one. Now, bear in mind that I've had 3 successive very easy, no pain periods. I came on in the night, and didn't sleep well -- the pain wasn't bad but was enough to keep me awake. I think I've got the lowest pain threshold in the world. Did Reiki on my tummy and that helped. In the morning, I thought I'd take a bath as I could feel it getting worse (this is after a record 3 pain-free months). A strange thing happens to me when I get my period, my colon cramps and cramps until it's totally empty (the only time it does that!). Usually I "go" about 10 times the morning I get my period. As I felt the need for the loo, I got out the bath and sat on the loo. I passed out, but only for a second. I felt like I was still going to black out, and tried to get some air (window being next to the loo was convenient). I started hyperventilating, and my hands went fizzy. My whole body was shaking, and I wanted to just collapse on the floor. With the floor being freezing and wet, I made it to the bed, where I laid, trying to breathe right, but feeling my hands, arms, legs, lips and feet go fizzier and fizzier. Then I couldn't feel my hands, I managed to look at them and they were like disabled hands, all stiff and collapsing in on themselves. I started to get frightened, and tried to breathe into the bed, as I knew I needed to reverse the hyperventilation. That didn't work and I felt weaker and weaker. I thought that if something doesn't happen soon I'll get brain damage (am not the dramatic type!) through lack of oxygen. I Couldn't move off the bed, and looked around for something to breathe into. I saw a box of tissues and tried to pull the tissues out to use the box, but my hands wouldn't work. By this time I felt like I was going to faint, and was uncontrollably screaming in pain and fear. (Later on I heard nosey woman down the alley asking Fernando's sister what's going on. God, can't even have a hyperventilation fit in privacy here.) I looked at my wet towel that I'd brought with me, and buried my head in it, as tight as I could, and pushed it against my legs, to stop the air. As soon as I did this my breathing started to get back to normal. As soon as I was sure I wasn't hyperventilating any more I lifted my head, still sobbing (and wanting my mum!). It took me about 5 minutes to recover enough to move, and got back in the bath. When I got out, a clump of skin had come out of me, similar to something that happened 5 or 6 months ago when I came to live in this house. Now, I've been having Shiatsu treatment, and she's been working on the blockage I have in my right hip area, so that might have prompted this thing to come out. I'm sure that (by the nature of my previous period pains), I have something blocking me in the right of my womb/fallopian tube. I can't explain the bowel thing, but the pain always comes from the same place. Now, as I expelled something that looked like skin for the second time, I get a total body reaction. Afterwards I felt OK, but weak. Oh, and this is the first time I've hyperventilated since being raw (except once when I was fasting), but it used to happen to me lots when I got panic attacks. My life was once saved by a Burgerking paper bag (unused) ;-) In the evening Ferny and I went to Carmen's to drop of some work I'd done for her. She gave me some chakra test and treatment. Get this -- 1: blocked, 2: blocked, 3: barely doing anything, 4: wide open (heart, of course), 5: OK (throat, of course), 6: barely doing anything, 7: blocked. I wasn't shocked, as my Reiki Master had told me the same 2 years ago, but how can this be when I get Kundalini experiences and feel more relating to the non-physical life than the physical one? Carmen said that one reason this happens is when people get visits from spirits, their chakras close to protect themselves. Well, that makes sense -- I've had more than my fair share of ghost visits in my life. Hm. Well, I have some chakra exercises to do, and am resolved to get my body functioning perfectly on every level. Bless me. 17th April -- I felt very frail yesterday. I felt like I had flu, all my bones ached, I'd popped some blood vessels on my eyelids, and couldn't lift my head up. Today I feel fine. Lungs are still a bit sore, but I'm recovering well. Wow, it's amazing to think that I've been raw for 2 years 4 months, and the big bad stuff might only just be starting to come out. But then, 30 years of eating cooked food would do that to someone, wouldn't it? 21st April -- Blimey it was hot today. And am very glad, as I continue to rest and recuperate. Am not going to write much as I have to have my leg on the desk, so I keep typing my words wrong! Here's what's happened in the last few days. Have had several emotional releases (crying, stress etc), followed by a very strong resolve to get arse into gear and stop worrying about the whole world all the time. Something changed in me when I moved into this house, and I'm now in the process of changing it back. If it doesn't work, I'll leave the house sooner than I'd planned. The lack of oxygen to my body when I hyperventilated resulted in a massive headache for about 4 days (I'm not a headache person), and a cramping of my legs, sometimes one, sometimes the other and sometimes both. This is apparently called pseudosciatica, because it's a bit like sciatica in the feeling but not in the cause. I've wanted salt, and felt ill when eating bananas, so also wonder if I was potassium/sodium imbalanced. This is possible, but I don't like to get into the chemical stuff. As far as I can see, something was wrong, I'm now instinctively correcting it. People can call it anything they want. Joe has a great word for this kind of thing. Symptomania. This is where the symptom of a body not functioning correctly is given a name, and even symptoms of symptoms are given names. Well, the upshot here is that my symptoms can point to whatever they like, my instinct is now sharp enough for me to feel my way through this. I'm going to take it easy over the next week, and gradually strengthen my legs with certain exercises that my friend Lori told me about, then I must get back to working hard, yet not overworking! I think if you have workaholic tendencies, they don't ever go. When I had 8 months off last year, it was easy not working. But as soon as I started working again, I found myself in the same position as before, pushing myself to the limit. Only this time I was a lot fitter and had more energy so something more drastic had to give to slow me down! Funny life. Well, am happy again now. The emotions that released were quite deep ones, and so I'm left with a renewed feeling of lightness and love. And that's the way (aha aha) I like it. Oh, the other day, Ferny's sister asked me if I was better, so I said I was much better. She then asked how that was possible if I didn't go to the doctors! What are people on?! 23 April -- Got photos back yesterday that I took of some of my recipes. Some are from Shazzie's detox delights, and some are for my next *top secret* project. Wow. Am impressed with them. Need to take some more, but can't eat all the stuff I make. Las time Dao and Sho came over to help me finish it all off! Went to La Canada yesterday to get the pics developed. Had to have leg hanging out of window because it was painful. Luckily I wasn't driving. Ferny met ex business partner there who proceeded to inform him that he won't give him the money he earned over the last 2 months. That's one best friend and one brother who has now stolen money off him regarding businesses. Anyone else want to take a shot, be aware that I'm here guarding him now, so you'll have me to contend with -- and I'm dead hard. Be warned. Heaven help anyone these days who is actually a nice person, you just get eaten alive by greedy materialistic types. Well, no more. Ferny is now protected by a good spell. 27th April -- Just a quick update, as am having a romantic day in with man. Over the past 3 or 4 days I've felt increasingly well, and today even managed some yoga, changed the bed, did some washing and cleaned the floors. Phew, I finally feel like me again. I'm gradually changing the energy of the house, and will buy a feng shui book when I the UK next month to maximise on that. The hot weather has also helped, it's no longer cold in the house. I can't stand wearing clothes, and now I don't need to! Ferny goes all funny when I'm up on the the terrace naked "Everyone can see" he says. Oh, this town, I must get him out of here! Spent yesterday under an orange tree in blossom with Shoshana and Yamuna. Aw, it was like heaven. Worked so hard this week so I could have a day off, and it was worth it. Have got 2 days off next week as it's some sort of flower festival here. The women in the street are making a cross out of red and white flowers, which Ferny designed in his Spanish version of Photoshop! Also found out that my uncle Cyril has died. Rest in peace, Uncle Cyril. My dad (his brother) is v. upset, and will go up to Hull next week for the funeral. It'll be weird in May as we're going up to Hull for my cousin Chris' wedding. So close, these ceremonies, but such different vibes. Aw. Ok, have a great Saturday night, all. I sure am going to. 29th April -- I have to write this as I've had some feedback on my illness. First, my illness was not caused by being raw. Being raw doesn't make you invincible, and many other contributory factors need to be taken into account. If you are planning on going raw, and this episode of mine has put you off -- think twice. For the last 6 months I've been eating 0% organic food, from supermarkets, living in a freezing cold noisy town house with the smell of smoke and cooked animals, dealing with an untold amount of work stress. Basically, my current environment is totally unsuited to me, raw or not. I felt amazing when I was raw in the UK, as I was eating about 95% organic, and had a wild garden which I ate from every day! Really, I just left a strip of land to grow wild, and also planted herbs there. It was always the best meal of the day. Please don't let my experience put you off going 100% raw -- it wasn't raw food that did it. Yes, you have to be careful when on the raw diet, as you have to be careful on any diet. Life today isn't how it should be in a milion ways, and who knows how I would be right now if I wasn't raw? I was pretty much a zombie 3 years ago, and going downhill fast. Now I've made adjustments to my living conditions and found enough organic food sources, I already feel as healthy as I did a year ago, when I first came to Spain. I've not got a cold house to worry about for the next 6 months either. It's lovely and boiling here now. Next

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