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January February |
Home > Raw > Raw transformation journal
The rest of 2001"I just wanted to say a big "thank you" for sharing your
experiences, living your truth, and leading by example. ... I admire your
quirky, individual style. Great to see another aquarian woman prove there
is brains behind beauty! Peace, prosperity and happiness to you!"
What happened to this year?You know, this year was such a private time for me. I spent the first five months meditating, doing yoga, releasing a lot of emotions. I worked out how to deal with people a bit better than I did before. I made some new friends in Spain. I stared at the mountain opposite my home. I enjoyed doing nothing. Really doing nothing, for the first time in my life. I let myself feel great. I went to the beach and did naked yoga. I felt the sea crash against my whole body. I felt alive. I felt free. I painted. I observed. I met Fernando. He reminded me of Jesus and I knew that if I got with him, it wouldn't last. I got with him. I loved the time we spent together. Mostly. In the summer, I came back to the UK to sort out my house. I was going to sell it, but didn't. Maxine moved out. Stevie moved to the USA. I had summer in my home and loved it. Fernando came to visit. We had a great time, he asked me to move in with him in his town house in Spain. I knew I shouldn't. I had an image of a yellow bird flying into a golden cage, and it locking itself behind the bird. I said I'd move in with him. I was still making mistakes, even when my instinct was clearly saying otherwise. I rented my house out, instead of selling it, and moved back to Spain, and moved in with Fernando. I cried from day one onwards. This wasn't Fernando's fault, it's just that whole vibe wasn't right for me. The people in the house smoked, cooked fish and meat, there was a dead pig's trotter on the counter in the kitchen for months! The street was noisy with old women shouting "Maria" (everyone seems to be called Maria there), and there were scooters going up and down the street until the small hours. I felt deprived of love, light, tranquility and peace. I don't understand to this day why I agreed to live there. |
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