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January "I am now completely sold on raw eating. Thank you for inspiring me." -- Cindi, Indiana, USA In a nutshell... Had a major Kundalini experience and life was never the same again. Got so confused as to where I was going to live -- I was being pulled away from going to the States, but didn't know why. Throughout the month, lots of things happened that pointed me to just one place... Monday 1st January 2001 New years day! I woke up nice and early and decided to pour myself a glass of Champagne. It was flat and tasted much better than last night. By the time Joe woke up I'd had 2 glasses and was happily reading. We decided to have durian for breakfast. We talked about when we ate durian and had coconut water last night -— how the Champagne couldn't compete. I decided that I need to stop this mini-alcohol binge, as it obviously isn't doing me any good at all. I felt perfectly fine without it all those months. Just because my life's a bit turbulent right now, it doesn't mean I can go and undo all the good work I've done. The devil room was still putting out cold air like nobody's business, and every time I needed to loo it was preceded with apprehension and accompanied by screams. I felt like someone was putting icicles in my eyes whenever I went in that room. We decide to watch Superman after breakfast. Later on in the day I had an amazing experience. I didn't know what it was at first, it was waves and waves of electricity pulsing through my body. They went up my spine and shot out of the top of my head. I saw a beautiful golden light and all I could do was moan with pleasure. At first I was all shocked, but extremely blissed out and then I remembered Soul Speak, which I'd brought with me. I looked at the introduction to that and read about Cheryl's Kundalini awakening. "Oh my God" I repeated over and over. Joe's going "What's up with you now" and I'm doing a Victor Meldrew: "I don't believe it." I explained what I thought was going on and could see the "I'm really not convinced" look in his eyes. But that didn't matter -- I knew I couldn't have just made up those feelings! And then it all made sense, the need I'd had to keep doing healing on people, the spinning in my forehead, the total trust I'd put in the Universe to get me out of the situation I was in with my personal life. And then finally, my very own Kundalini awakening on the first day of this year! Well, honoured, humbled, grateful and shocked were only a few words which described how I felt. I spent the rest of the day being in love with this feeling and wanting it again. We drove back to London in the late afternoon. As we were exiting the New Forest we stopped off at some trees, and I stroked a couple of them. For one last time, I breathed in this wonderful air and then we carried on. Tuesday 2nd January 2001 I caught the train home, still very blissed out from my Kundalini experience. I now had a feeling of electricity flowing through me all the time. It felt so good I hoped it would stay with me for ever. I got back to Karen's. Although it was colder here and not as comfortable as my house, I wasn't being suffocated by the vibes of others. I felt grateful for having this half-way house to come back to, until I cleared off out of this country. But just to make things even more confusing, I've started to get the feeling that I shouldn't be going to the States after all. Something in me is pulling me from that decision. Wednesday 3rd January 2001 I got a good little contract for 2 weeks of this month, but it's full-time work and I'm just not used to that any more! It's not that I'm lazy, but I do so much else at the same time as work. There's all the emails I answer regarding the info on my web site, there's all the sorting of my house and business to do which is hard work, trying to finish it all up correctly. Oh, but it's good money and more than that, it's an interesting job, so I'm doing it, even though I promised myself I'd take on no more work. It's my first raw birthday today! Well, I'm not sure if I thought I'd stick it out for a year when I first did it. Of course I had a lot of mental determination, but I've attempted things before that I've had conviction in and not stuck to it. But this is different, it's given me the life I never had -- how could I ever go back to that monochrome cooked world? No, this is the life for me. Happy raw birthday to me Happy raw birthday to me Happy raw birthday dear Shazzie Happy raw birthday to me Thursday 4th January 2001 This little contract is wearing me out. It's making me think: "Do I really want to go and work in the States in a full time capacity?" -- even if it's for the raw movement which of course I feel so strongly about, I need to consider what's right for me here. And above all else, I've always been my own boss, even when I've worked for others. I can't compromise that kind of freedom, especially with my time. I'm looking back to when I was cocooned, I promised myself this year off, not just to change direction, but to stop for a while and gather my thoughts. I now think that bigger things are afoot, and I shouldn't rush into this job in the States. But I hate letting people down. In many ways I already feel like I've done the thing in the States, but can't explain why. As I was agonising over this, Joe rang. Out of the blue, he said "Do you think you should move to Spain?" Well, I hadn't thought about it, but it seemed to feel right as soon as he said it. So as he was going there next weekend he booked me a ticket, too. I'm going to Spain for a weekend! Later in the afternoon, I went to post a letter in the pouring rain and it was so good I just stood there on my street corner feeling it on my face. I loved it so much I had to tell someone. I emailed Joe about it an he emailed back "Funny that, I just went for my home made salad and on the way I was thinking why do we all huddle and run around in the rain trying to keep so perfectly dry? It’s not normal!" Joe is my conjoined twin! Friday 5th January 2001 Was I just born to be free or do I have another purpose? I do wonder! Sunday 7th January 2001 Joe came over for the weekend. We knew it was going to be a heavy one, as we both felt that we had something important to discuss. We got lots of nice food in. I made mushroom pizzas, spaghetti with pesto and 2 big salads. I don't eat that much normally, but when I'm with Joe I become a right piggy! Oh, and I also got some wine in. Oh, this isn't right -- what am I doing drinking? I've got to stop it. But I must be doing it for a reason -- my life's at a real turning point right now, maybe drinking is helping me flow more with ideas, letting me go with them and thinking them through? I don't know, I'm not looking for excuses here, but I don't believe it's necessarily a physical thing. Monday 8th January 2001 Well, what a weekend! We don't do things by halves when we discuss stuff. So the weekend went something like: "Maybe you could move to Spain for a bit, postpone America. If you're looking for some land for me, I'll pay your expenses — the hiring of the car and petrol.' Then I said that I could take Vera down there with me. I was so ecstatic about that thought! What is it about my car that I don't want to leave? I love her so much, it's as if she's part of me. So then Joe said that he'd pay for the petrol costs and then I said "If I'm renting a place, maybe I can still work?" Wow, from me giving up my life and all my possessions and starting anew in the States to me driving down to Spain and still working -- that's some change of plan. But it felt so right! I wondered how easy it would be to rent a place down there, but then thought that I hadn't even been there yet. One step at a time, Sharon! I spent most of the weekend wearing a robe and a crown out of a Christmas cracker. I took Joe to my secret field -- the one I found in the summer where the fly was guarding me. It had all been chopped down, and the trees were bare. I cuddled a couple of trees and then we licked one of them! Then we went to Tesco (still with my crown on) and behaved in a very silly way, and an old man looked at us funny. Oh, I must behave when I'm in public! I decided today that I was going to wear something beautiful every day this year, whether it's a tiara or just sparkly knickers -- I deserve beauty on me. Joe made some excellent pesto at the weekend, I have it on a pesto pedestal, it's so great! We also had secret days. We do this all the time, we wake up really early, like about 3 or 4 and then chatter and eat and drink for a few hours until about 10am and then go back to sleep for an hour or 2 and then wake up properly. Well, sometimes we don't even go back to sleep. It's great -- while the rest of the country's asleep, we're busy hatching plans for the world! I got an email from the company in the States, talking about me coming over at the 1st of February. It seems to me like that won't happen. It keeps getting delayed and more delayed. And now I have another opportunity and my soul is desperate to be somewhere warm. I wonder what I'll do? Met up with Arun tonight. While he was getting his hair cut I went shopping and was skipping and singing through the shopping centre. I also fell in love with a 16 month old baby, which is quite out of character. I've got good vibes in me at the moment! Arun's searching for something more and more. I'm glad he's doing his art course, and know he'll have a good life, but he floats, just like I do. I told him I might be going to Spain and he got all excited and asked if he could come for Easter! I've not even decided yet, but of course he can, he's an angel of a mate. He showed me a recent motorbike magazine where there's a trail to follow through Andalucia! He said he'd been drooling over doing it. So he might come to visit me on his yellow bike. I think it's funny that I've got a yellow car and he's got a yellow bike, but it's only a colour, isn't it? I lost my spinning forehead feeling somewhere over the weekend, it couldn't be down the back of the settee as Karen doesn't have one... but it came back this afternoon. Thankfully, I feel bare without it. I got an email from Ruth and she’d been discussing me with Rog. She was saying "I get the feeling Sharon isn't going to the States." I think Ruth is an angel in a hippy hat! Tuesday 9th January 2001 Picked Karen up from the train station today, she looked knackered. When we got home she was straight on her computer doing Fresh work. I wonder when she'll take a minute to sleep. I think all my cleaning of the house pleased her, when she came in she said "It even smells nice"! I didn't clean up to impress her, and it wasn't a tip beforehand but I felt a strange energy that I had to dispel, and cleaning seems to work for me. I suppose it's a more gentile way of marking your territory in a way, but rather than peeing up velvet curtains, I burnt incense and sprayed kitchen cleaner all over! There was a red eclipsed full moon tonight, and Karen and I kept dashing out to have a look, but it was so cold, well below freezing. I had all my clothes, a dressing gown and a coat on. I think I manage to look more like a bag lady every day! I'm barely eating at the moment. I ate a lot over the weekend, to keep up with Joe, but this week I'm not eating until the evening, and even then it's quite light. I don't feel like I need it with this new-found plugged-in to the system energy I've got! A few days ago I felt so high I was having to eat nuts at midnight to come down so I could go to sleep! I wonder where it will end? I don't want to end up living on light or anything as I really like eating, but I also don't want to damage myself by eating when my body doesn't need it. And if I move somewhere warm I'll get energy from the sun and then I'll have to eat even less. Oh me oh my! This energy is all over me -- it's forcing my hand now with my next move. If I don't follow my dream I might as well give up and die. It's that simple. But I wouldn't die, I'd come back and have to start all over again. Ha! Not this time, this time -- I'm doing it. Full on, no stopping me! I got to thinking about Spain again tonight. It's a beautiful country. My first ever memory is in Spain. Oh, I just remembered that and it made my heart jump! I was about 4 and I went with my mum, dad, Jennie, Auntie Shirley and Uncle Ray. Me and Jennie had a helium balloon each and mine floated off (probably because I did) and I cried. So my dad tied a 25 peseta coin which had a hole in the middle to Jennie's balloon so it didn't float off. I was so upset because I thought he should have tied the coin to my balloon as that was the one that had wanderlust, not Jennie's. And I also remember making friends with a really big grasshopper in the tent. And I remember getting lost trying to find the toilets on my own, and not knowing where I was. I always got lost, I still do -- my navigation has improved massively this year but I still feel as if my internal compass is a bit broken! I just remembered about Karen lending me The Alchemist just at the same time as Joe started emailing me and going on about Spain! It was when we went to Cornwall. Now it makes sense! What timing for Karen to give me a book like that and now I might be living in Andalucia! Wednesday 10th January 2001 I had an amazing dream last night. There was a golden monkey which jumped in a ski lift and it was going water. The monkey then decided it didn't want to go over water and it turned the lift back with its mind. It was so desperate to get out that it jumped through a hole at the top of the lift and swam the last few yards. There was a big crowd chanting "swim, swim, swim," at the monkey and willing it to get to shore, and it did. I'm a monkey (an earth monkey), with my Chinese sign and the way I use my hands and feet. I wonder if that was me changing my mind about the States? I'm not sure what to do at the moment. Spain and the US are both really great opportunities but both for very different reasons. I got my goddess book off the shelf and closed my eyes before asking: "Where should I go?" I opened the book, placed my finger on a page and opened my eyes. It was a page that was almost empty except for a small poem and my finger was directly in the middle of it. It was a poem about worshipping the sun. My first response was "Oh, that's great, yes I know I'm going somewhere warm, but both California and Spain are warm". I needed more of a clue. If you're interested, the book is called The Goddess Path, by Patricia Monaghan, and the poem went like this: When I look up to the royal sky I see her, a tranquil queen behind a screen of clouds. The sun! For thousands of ages may she shine. For thousands of ages may we serve her. May we serve her with reverence. May we serve her with love. Thursday 11th January 2001 Went to Joe's this afternoon. He's been off ill with a cold all week, I'm not surprised, all the stuff he's got to detox out of his body. He still looked a bit rough but being a nice girl I didn't say so! He'd made a special meal, dehydrated burger and chips (avocado wedges rolled in poppy seeds!) and mash made from marrow and fennel, and flax toast. I was a bit tired afterwards, but it was so lovely! It's funny eating transition food again, I hope it doesn't damage me! Friday 12th January 2001 On the way to the airport tonight, Joe read me something out of a newspaper. He said that there were massive storms in San Jose (where I was supposed to be going) and they hadn't seen anything like it in years. It then dawned on me that even if I went to the States now, I wouldn't be in the sun. Maybe I really was supposed to go to Spain... Monday 15th January 2001 Well, we had a corker of a time in Spain! As we were travelling there I had really bad stomach ache from the dehydrated food I ate the day before. I did wonder if it would hurt me. I think I'd have been OK if I'd only had a bit, but I ate so much as I don't get the same signals of when I've had enough as I do when I eat simple food. Anyway, as we drove to our hotel I remarked to Joe how the place felt like a magnet, pulling me closer to it. He said he felt the same and often used the same expression. Before we got to the hotel we had to stop for an emergency toilet break for me. Oh, this reminded me of when I was in Santa Cruz and pooing all day after eating some cooked food! So there I was in Southern Spain, trousers down by my ankles, squatting for a good ten minutes as I felt like someone was gouging my bowels out. I got back in the car and felt very weak and thirsty. When will I learn? I can't eat non-pure food any more, even if it's raw. Well, I can, but then it'll all come out all horrible and make me feel bad. When we got to the hotel I went to the loo again and then slept for about 12 hours. Joe had a secret day without me! Selfish man. I like our secret days! We went to a gorgeous pebbly beach and got naked. I then did some yoga, wow -- feeling the sun on my body in January and getting all stretchy as well, this was amazing. I looked behind me -- there was a banana farm! I didn't know you could grow bananas in Europe! Oh, I nearly cried. I went over to have a look, but like a little cooked foreigner, I put my boots on first. That would have been a sight, a naked girl in boots peering at banana palms. We were supposed to meet some bloke who was going to show Joe some fincas for sale, but he didn't show up. Later on we drove further west, out of the tropical zone, past all the amazing mango and cherimoya trees and into Malaga. It was still warm there. Wandering about, I found an olive tree which had been recently picked of all its fruit. There were loads of olives underneath it that had dried out, so I ate one -- it was gorgeous, so sweet and juicy. I ended up having a meal of them and then getting a plastic bag and taking a load of fresh ones back with me to dry in England. It felt amazing to eat off the land like this, it was my dream come true, I was in love with this place already. It felt to me like a place where I could find my feet, sort everything out and work out my next phase in life. Yes, I wanted to live here. We were going to visit the Eco Forest, and stay with them the night but after we'd finished looking around, we just wanted to crash. At Eco it's really cold at night in the winter so, being wusses, we went to a guesthouse. The next day I asked the landlord of the guesthouse if he happened to know of anyone wanting to rent a house out. He told me that his auntie might rent hers out while she's trying to sell it. We drove up the road to have a look at it. Oh, it was so pretty — the view was a valley and mountains with the small town visible on the other side of the hill. It has a small swimming pool, 2 bedrooms and about an acre of olive trees, with olives on! As we came back we unloaded the hire car at the airport and Joe laughed at all the fruit I had with me. I was doing a very good bag lady impression again. I didn't realise it but I'd accumulated so much fruit and couldn't bear to leave it in Spain, so I struggled to the trolley with it. As Joe was pushing the trolley it all kept falling off and I could feel him getting tetchy with me. Oh dear! What a wonderful little break! It was only 2 days but felt like a month as it's cemented a turning point in my life. I'm moving to Spain -- blimey. This'll be the first time I've chosen to live alone and I'll be in a foreign country. Where has this lack of fear come from? Well, I know where, it's another raw cure, isn't it? I was badly bitten 3 times in Spain, one of them is on my neck and looks like a teenage love bite! I haven't been bitten since going raw, and I forgot how painful it was. I'm going to complain a lot about it. When I got back from the train station there was a note on my car. At first I thought it might be a secret admirer (I want one!), but it was from someone who'd skidded on some ice into my bumper. Well, at least he'd left a note, that was kind of him. Vera complained at me that I shouldn't leave her on the street while I go off without her, but she soon shut up when I told her that we were going to move down to Spain. She got very excited at the thought of driving on the wrong side of the road. I think that's because she's French, and so wants to act like it. Had my tarot cards read tonight by Nigel, Karen's mate. He said lots, but he said "I know there was talk of you going to American, but you were never really going." Oh, wasn't I? He said "Do you paint?" I said yes, but not as much as I'd like. He told me that was my path, to paint in nature. Wow, that was my number one goal of this year! I was impressed. He said a lot of stuff about my family, and also said that if I do go to Spain I'll be going off somewhere else. He said he could see me on a beach with beige shorts on down to my knees (well, I beg to differ, unless they were stylishly flared ones!), sunglasses on my head (I don't wear sunglasses) and a tape recorder or camera in my hand (that could be either as I have both). He said I was somewhere where there were ruins or shacks, and I was searching for myself. He said he was glad I didn't want a relationship at the moment as it wouldn't work. He said I'm going to fall for an older (yuck) man, an architect from London, who's about 44. Oh, I really don't like older men, not like that. He said he saw me standing outside a caravan with 3 children and a brown quilted jacket and green wellies on. God, I'm going to turn into a sloan. How on earth will that happen? I wonder if I'll start eating caviar, too? Tuesday 16th January 2001 Only ate 3 oranges during the day today as I was so excited about Spain. I need to tell my clients, but I don't think I will just yet. Am in with a client all week which is torture for me -- after lunch everyone was really sleepy, I forgot about the bread effect, as it's been so long since I've worked in an office. I get loads of energy after dinner. It's a good place though, they're a start-up company and are really receptive to my ideas and love everything I've done so far. A little head-patting goes a long long way... Something odd is happening with money. A client rang up today wanting to put my name forward for a contract, for a fair bit of money. Why does this happen now, as I'm getting close to leaving the country? Is it to test how serious I am? I am not going to take on any new contracts. I am going to get out of the rat race. I am going to live somewhere warm. I will not be tempted by money alone, for money alone will not buy my freedom, it will ultimately shackle me. I am so looking forward to living alone in the sun surrounded by olive trees -- I must keep hold of this vision. Thursday 18th January 2001 My 2 kundalini books arrived from Amazon today! How exciting. I want to read them today but have to work. I will get chance soon though. Cor. I wonder if they'll help me make sense of what's going on? Friday 19th January 2001 Well, I wrote the email to the US company saying I wasn't going to work for them. Gulp! I hope they're OK with it. It was such a hard letter to write as I hate letting people down, but it's the right thing for me, and I know I can't compromise on my life ever again just because I feel I have to. I went to Joe's for the weekend. It's my birthday on a silly day this year, Tuesday. What a daft day to have a birthday on. So I've moved it, I'm having it on Sunday. I'll probably still have one on Tuesday as I'm a birthday tart and just can't help myself. The first thing I did when I got to London was buy 5 durians. Cor! I started to feel a bit poorly on Friday night, but couldn't quite work out what was wrong. Maybe I've got a little cold? Sunday 21st January 2001 As it was my birthday weekend I acted like a Princess as much as possible. I wanted to wear a tiara today but I've packed mine! We went to that big Movie Max thing where it's all in 3D. We watched sea creatures come out at us and then not get us. The maddest part was when a load of squid got together for a massive orgy, where they all shag each other, the men turn red and then they all die. All of them, they just die. Dying for a shag. Blimey. I think I know how they feel! Before we went in to the pictures we had a bit of time to kill so Joe took a load of photos of me trying to look dead against a yellow light -- some of them came out really good. Then an amazing thing happened! I went to the Museum Of The Unknown, where I had to ask a question as I walked in. So my question was "Where will I live?". I then spun a wheel of fortune and it said "Your future’s very bright (you shall move to Southern Spain)" — heck, blimey! How did it know?? And then I went into a body parts section, where you go into a studio, take a picture of yourself and it might or might not appear the next week. They're doing it for a book, and you're supposed to display something that shows how unique you are. So I took a picture of me with a leg behind my head, that's a bit unique, isn't it? I wonder if it will go in the book? I'll have to keep an eye out for it. We then went to the Tate Modern which was a big let down. The building was fab, really fab, but the display was paltry. I'd seen most of it as it had just been shifted from the Tate Not Modern, but there was barely anything new. The best bit was a Tracey Emin cubby hole where there's a video of her life story shown just in her bedroom. She's a wonderful artist -- I think she'd be great on raw as her tortured soul would leave her. She says that she committed emotional suicide, a way to try to deceive yourself that emotions can no longer harm you, but I reckon she could rekindle it in a positive way. Bless her. When we got back to Joe's we made my birthday supper, which was wonderful. We had a curry, kebabs with a peanut sauce, wild rice and some other stuff. It was all raw, and much less complicated than the stuff that made me ill a couple of weeks ago. This was a great birthday. Sitting on the floor with candles, my robe, and lovely raw food, with someone who was fast becoming one of the bestest friends I've ever met. I couldn't ask for more. Especially as the promise of a new life was looming. Joe bought me a Spanish course which was a beautiful present. Oh, how will I ever learn a new language? I'm crap at them. I remember when I was at school, me and Lisa B had French lessons after dinner, but we'd be so busy down town in the dinner break we used to eat our dinner in French. So we didn't learn any of it. Oh well, knowing French now wouldn't make me know Spanish any more than I do. Me and Joe ended up discussing each other, how we'd found each other at the best time ever. From my perspective, Joe's such a "do it" person that he's helped me make this move just by being into it and encouraging. From his perspective, I'm helping him with going raw and all that entails. I love it when the Universe brings people to me when I need them, and it's especially good when the Universe lets me know that I've got to help them, too. Joe said "Where did you come from?" Well, I've been asking myself that for years! I had a wonderful fake birthday night and enjoyed being a Princess for a day. I think everyone should nominate a day in the year where they want to be totally pampered, looked after, slaved upon and loved. Then they have to give a list out to all their friends of what they want them to do for them, and their friends have to do it. That'd be much better than just a birthday, wouldn't it? People need to spoil themselves more. Monday 22nd January 2001 My cold felt better this morning and I think it's gone now. I was laying in my bath reading one of my Kundalini books and suddenly realised that I've been overeating recently to subconsciously suppress my new found energy so I could deal with the real world issues going on, such as work and working out where to live. This has lead to me getting bloated and getting this cold -- I really did know that if I suppressed it that it would make me ill but I still did it. I wonder why I do that? Well, today I've eaten half a durian, one kebab with a bit of wild rice (left over from last night) and some leaves, an avocado, about 30 sun dried olives (maybe not a good move) and 5 oranges. That's still too much but it's better. Tomorrow's my birthday and I just feel like being on my own, I wish I was in Spain right now -- I must remember this feeling as I don't want to drift into not going. The sun, the air, the space, the lack of hurrying, the scenery -- the view from my little house with a pool -- I've got to remember that this is what I'm aiming for -- this is my biggest goal for now -- to give myself time and take away all obligations. I deserve this. Tuesday 23rd January 2001 I can't believe it, my cold came back! How did this happen? Oh, it's my birthday and I can't move. I just laid in bed with the electric blanket on all day. I watched Victoria Butenko's 3 video series. Her children are adorable! That Sergie's going to be a heartbreaker when he's older! She's a very good presenter, she has this endearing Russian accent and talks about enzymes being "little people". I loved her style. I felt a bit sorry for myself today as I was too ill to move, and I only ate a bit of melon and shared my birthday durian with Karen. But at about 4pm I started to feel better, so I emailed some mates and asked them out for a drink later on. Ruth rang and asked if I'd received my flowers -- oh, she'd sent them to my other home! I raced round there and found them on the doorstep, they were beautifully yellow -- sunflowers and some other ones. I love yellow! How gorgeous, bless her. I also saw loads of ecards for me as well, so I stopped feeling quite so bad. I had a lovely hot bath and got ready to go out. Maxine came home as I was putting my make-up on and was surprised at how I looked. I don't think she's ever seen me with make-up on before -- well, I hardly wear it these days. I got to the pub and ordered a drink of water. Jessie and Bob turned up. I wanted to tell Jessie all about Spain, but didn't know if I should. I hate saying "I'm going to do something" and then it doesn't happen. But after about 2 minutes of nearly bursting, I told her. She was very excited for me and it's less of a hassle to fly over, isn't it? Aw, even though I don't see her very often (since she moved to my village and I moved out) I'll miss her. Aw. Oh, I had a glass or 2 of red wine. Hm. I'm doing a Marge Simpson type growl at myself right now. Stop it, Sharon! We decided to go to a restaurant a bit later on. We went to La Margherita, I was only there on Wednesday, bless! I sat next to and babbled with Gwen from SCO in the States. We just talked and talked and talked. It turned out to be a good birthday evening, there were about 12 of us at the restaurant and I think everyone enjoyed themselves. Well, I did and it was my birthday. Wednesday 24th January 2001 I've been investigating phone costs from Spain, and it looks like it's going to be an expensive deal. There's no phone in the house and so I'll have to get a mobile Internet connection. And it'll be slow. Oh well, it'll be worth it! How exciting (still)! Friday 26th January 2001 I don't know how long this detox is going to last, but today my lungs hurt and everything. I've even lost my voice. I can't take any more! I want out! I made some flax crackers as an emergency for my journey, I don't know why as I don't eat them any more, but I think it's a ritual thing for me. I also bought a load of dried fruit and nuts for the same reason, but rarely eat them, also. What am I doing? Saturday 27th January 2001 I really stink today -- my feet smelled and my breath is awful. This is not like me at all, I usually smell really nice! I'm very glad I'm alone! I've also got so much mucous coming from my lungs. I've never had a cleanse like this. But, I have good levels of energy and am getting my work completed which makes me feel great as each completed project is a step closer to Spain. I keep getting painfully cold and dashing into bed with the electric blanket on and 2 quilts to warm up. The heat stays with me for about an hour then I have to do it all again! I slept for half an hour at 4pm, and woke up very thirsty. My body is now screaming: "Please don't feed me any more food". My autopilot hasn't been listening and grabs stuff all the time, even though it results in aching limbs, and feeling like I've got too much blood inside me. I wonder when the real me will get strong enough to resist, and that old cooked me, the greedy one who just wants to immobilise me and make me feel lazy will die for good. I already thought it had, but ever since doing Ejuva I've been faced with such lack of control over food, that I'm wondering if it's done me more damage than good now. I'm almost 9 stone again but I felt right at 7.5-8 stone. This isn't good at all. Come on, true body, get some resistance and fight. I was just reading through my journal at what I used to eat. It wasn't much! No wonder I'm getting fat. Today I've eaten: half a mango (only because the other half was off), a papaya, half a bag of lettuce, half a bag of spinach, 4 avocados, 8 sundried tomatoes, 9 flax crackers (just to see if they were OK!), 3 tomatoes, a third of a saladacco'd celeriac, 3 oranges and 6 dried bananas. Now that's a bloody lot of food for someone like me. I know I'm due on but this is piggery. Well, I'm out of avos now so I'm not buying any more until I've moved. I've just got that celeriac to eat, with the sundried tomatoes and then I'm on juicy fruit such as melons and oranges. I wonder if I'll actually make this move? I wonder with everything else going on in my life if I’m strong or weak right now? I'm not taking a bet on it. Sunday 28th January 2001 Had higher levels of energy but my head still feels a bit stuffed. I think I'm committed to a melon and orange diet now. Went about bought six or seven anyway! I had just the sort of weekend I needed. I laid in bed watching videos, reading and sleeping. I slept so much. I only ate oranges and melons for 3 days. Today I came on and got a pain down my right leg as usual. I decided to give myself Reiki on it and started asking it why it gets pain there. I fell asleep and when I woke up my right knee was in a massive pool of sweat -- how strange is that? That's exactly where the pain goes to. I wonder if I detoxed something big? I hope so. This last week has been one massive detox for me. I've been able to function except for on my birthday, but I've really felt like collapsing. I know being in a cold house and sleeping on the floor doesn't help, but I must remain in discomfort to shift myself quicker from this country! I can't have a comfort zone, otherwise I might not move. While I was feeling ill over the weekend I went to Karen's bookshelf to see what I fancied reading. Jasmuheen's Living on light kind of jumped out at me. I read it, and took a lot of notice of the 21 day process. Oh, it sounds so scary! There's my mind saying "Don't even go there" but something else is saying that it's right. Oh, no! Monday 29th January 2001 I realised why I've felt ill, anyway. What have I been eating the last few weeks? Raw recipes and complicated stuff (and wine!). Just because Joe's at the beginning of his transition, I can't join in on all of it. My body has said to me "No, Sharon, you have Kundalini energy now, if anything you should be eating less. If you continue to eat this way I'll make you ill. I'll make you go up to 9 stone, I'll give you a bleeding tooth (really!), I'll make you look old and I'll make you apathetic, knackered and achey. Oh and I'll give you a sore tummy and constipation". So finally, I listened and feel so much better. My puffy face has returned to normal and my skin has gone silky again. All I ate today was 2 melons and a bag of oranges. I'm melon and orange crazy at the moment, I can't get enough of them. I told my main clients about me going to Spain and they're fine with it, so Rawcreation lives! How good is that? I think I would have gone anyway, but wouldn't have been able to live on my own or keep Vera. But if I'm earning money then I can do this! Oh, it shows it's meant to be -- it's given me the confidence to go now. There's nothing at all keeping me in England any more. I'm about to be free... Wednesday 31st January 2001 Oh, it's as if nobody had ever gone abroad before. I've spent days trying to sort out my car insurance, my current company won't insure me because I might be going for longer than 90 days. I said "What if I go for 90 days then change insurance companies" "Oh you can't do that" "Why not?" "Well, you've said you're going there to work." "No, I'm not going there to work, I'll be taking my work with me, but I'm not going there specifically to work" "Well you can't do it" and on it went. I eventually found a broker in Spain who uses a Gibraltar company, so it's still British. The funniest thing is, that my old company was Norwich Union Direct and this is Norwich Union. Hmmm, you'd have thought they'd deal with the bigger picture here. Anyway, my new cover insures me for any European country, for any amount of time, with no daft other things, and it's no more expensive. And then I found out by pure guesswork that I need a photo driving license for Spain. I've currently got the old pink one. It takes at least 10 days to process it the new one, and I can't keep my old one and get the new one sent to me and it's illegal for me not to have one in Spain! I'm not waiting 10 days, I want to go now! I need to catch up with my soul! I found a workaround: I can get a driving permit from the RAC which takes about 2 days to process if I send a bit of extra money. Can you believe it, all these bloody web sites I've been looking at and I didn't see this info once! It's a good job I thought about it and questioned someone. And I can't get a ferry to Bilbao in Spain as the next available one isn't until the 17th of February and I want to be gone before then, and even if I got that one there are only expensive 3 berth cabins left. I decided to drive through France instead. It'll do Vera good to see her native country, and I've not been there for a while, and I need to do the extra 500 miles... Then I ordered my Francs, Pesetas, and travellers cheques and got cut off the phone as the order was going through so I didn't know if they'd been ordered or not. Oh, and a few days ago I rang Dell up to ask if they did a car power adaptor for my laptop "No, we don't" "Do you know anyone who does?" "No". Well, I'd seen them on the web in the US so they do exist. I tried lots of UK places but there was no joy. A few days later I phoned Dell up again and spoke to someone else and asked the same thing "Yes, we do them" was the answer. God! But this time it was too late to get it before I went, so I ordered it anyway and crossed my fingers that it arrives on time. It's not essential, I just thought it'd be nice if I went into the country for a few days, I could still write and send emails, too. I am going to do this, I don't care if obstacles are being put in my way for a reason, I'm not staying in England, I hate it, it's too cold and everyone's miserable. Next

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