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"I wanted you to know that you are very inspiring to me in my journey for a better raw life... I am very, very happy and you are part of it because because you helped me when I needed and you are always there to inspire me, so I get a glimpse of the extra joy ahead on the road." -- Camelia, Buenos Aires, Argentina In a nutshell... Noted some effects of Ejuva: I got some crud out, my skin went smooth, I dislodged some (quite a lot) cellulite, I seem to be processing food better now, and I got loads of emotions out. It took a month, and was well worth it! Though no cooked food or drink has passed these lips, I've had to deal with lots of emotional detox and life changes which have tested me to the limit sometimes. I've binged on dates and brazils, and then felt awful. But, on the whole, each day gets more and more amazing, food becomes less of an issue, and everything starts to get really easy! Had my amalgams out and felt very weak for 2 weeks afterwards, but then I got bigger spiritual connections than ever before. Friday 3rd November 2000 We've had a smashing week in Cornwall. It hasn't stopped raining, and most of the country is underwater, but we're OK here. There's also another petrol strike looming so either the storms or the petrol could keep us here, I'm not bothered which! When we got to our rented cottage, I looked at my naked self in the mirror. I couldn't believe how skinny I looked. I'm only 7 stone, and I've lost my bottom completely. I hope I get something on soon. All my clothes are way too big for me, so I went to Asda and bought some girl's trousers, aged 11-13. What has Ejuva done to me? I know it's necessary to get rid of all the bad stuff before you can put the good stuff on, but I don't like to look this thin! I've eaten loads of nuts and dates, trying to put weight on. I know it's not the right thing to do, but I don't seem to have much control over it. Oh! Ruth and Rog were the perfect hosts, making us lots of raw treats. I had a few private counselling sessions with Ruth and we did a visualisation thing where I regressed back to my birth and felt like I was being strangled. I started to cry and I couldn't breathe. Ruth said she opened one eye and saw a look of terror on my face, and I'd turned white. But I got through it and Ruth gave me fantastic practical tips on dealing with my breathing. I love her so much! Saturday 4th November 2000 Extended our holiday for a day! Neither of us want to go home as we feel like we're just beginning to relax. It meant we could spend the evening with Ruth and Rog, so we went to theirs for tea. This time it was much simpler, yet there was so much food. I think that was because I ate so much when I first met them, as I was putting weight back on after the cleanse. I'm glad to say my appetite has waned slightly since then. Ruth gave us a quilt to hide under and Rog was on fire duty all night. It made me laugh, them having a fire going and the windows all wide open! Sunday 5th November 2000 Hmpf! Home time. I don't want to go home, I like it in another place. But I'll be OK as I'll be moving soon. It took 10 hours to drive home in storms. When we stopped at a petrol station I felt so high that I was running screaming and splashing in puddles, just like a child. I don't think Karen knew where to put herself! When I got home I fell into bed very smelly -- far too tired to take a bath! We ate very light today, and I think I’ll be eating light all week -- it was so good to share the raw "meals" but I think we’re all too far removed from it now! We all kind of did it for entertainment value, and as an offering I think! Monday 6th November 2000 I had a bath first thing this morning! After all that concentrating in the blizzards yesterday I'm all disoriented -- I still feel like I'm driving! Oh, I loved Ruth and Rog -- I can't say how much. I feel blessed to know them. I feel so much more complete since our sessions. Today, I went out for a walk to the fruit shop and took in the air in a different way to before. Though I was cold at the Cornwall house, I did appreciate the quality of air. This centrally heated home of mine doesn't feel right now! I'm so well -- I feel like a new person. Look what Ruth has done to me! I have to try and structure myself this week as I have several clients all wanting work (humpfh!) and appointments. So, I wrote myself a timetable on my whiteboard! Got an email from my mate Karen Armstrong and she's broken her wrist. She's now Karen Armweak, isn't she? Oh, Bango.net's web site got web site of the month in the Financial Times, I'm so proud! Little designer me!! While we were in Cornwall we watched a load of David Icke videos, and today I started looking at his web site. That wasn't on my timetable, either! I found a nice poem written by that famous person Anonymous: I asked for Strength, And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong. I asked for Wisdom, And God gave me Problems to solve. I asked for Prosperity, And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work. I asked for Courage, And God gave me Danger to overcome. I asked for Love, And God gave me Troubled people to help. I asked for Favors, And God gave me Opportunities. I received nothing I wanted I received everything I needed. This just about sums up how I'm feeling right now, how everything I've ever received has just been a challenge to overcome etc. I was so impressed with it that I sent it to Karen. Unbeknown to either of us, at the same time she'd been looking at his web site and found a poem she liked and sent it to me -- both emails crossed in the sky-post! I've been eating so pure the last few days I had that caffeine feeling tonight where I could taste coffee and had a jumpy head! I wonder how long it will be until that coffee comes out of me? Tuesday 7th November 2000 I've found out the most awful thing about nori. I don't think I can eat it any more. Listen to this. "Nori (the sea vegetable) grows as a lettuce in the ocean. It is harvested often in big nets and with it many fish are scooped up. This combination of seaweed, shrimp, crabs, snails, barnacles, and small fish are all ground up and made into sheets (like paper). In the large industry they do not take the time to remove these sea animals. Most of the nori in the world comes from Japan. The two main suppliers Nagata and Yamamoto (who supply most of the smaller companies) claim that the animal contamination is minimal. Some smaller companies (including a kosher certified kibbutz in Israel) are beginning to offer fish free nori." I can't eat fish, so I'm not going to eat nori any more. Oh! Not that I eat it much these days anyway, but every now and then it was good. I'm glad I'm over my 10 sheets a day phase. I'm still doing loads of housework and loving it! Being clean on the inside is brill! I'm so motivated today, it's lovely! Wednesday 8th November 2000 I don't feel well today -- my eyes are all puffy as is my face. I feel a bit poisoned. Maybe it's a delayed reaction from all that food in Cornwall? I'm going to ignore my timetable today and just rest, I think. There's no point in me pushing myself if my body's not up to it. I read my emails, made a few phone calls and went back to bed. What's wrong with me? I can't stop eating! In the afternoon I felt a bit less puffy, but not much better. Managed to clean the kitchen at least. Wrote this Joe bloke an email asking him if he's started the raw thing yet. He feels very significant to me but I can't work out why. Thursday 9th November 2000 Went shopping today and bought a Barry White CD. I've wanted that one for ages. I think I'm getting old. I also bought one with Groovejet on but it's speeded up and sounds like Pinky and Perky. Doh! Spent a fortune on food but it's made my kitchen look nice. Ever since coming off Ejuva, I've been on medjools with brazils inside. But I haven't eaten as much today as I did yesterday, though. My tummy's sticking out and my joints hurt a bit from too many nuts. Must stop buying them! I think there should be a warning on the Ejuva instructions of how to eat after the cleanse. I really do feel like my body was in starvation mode and is now just saying "eat as much as you can", and I'm finding it hard to stop it. I'm putting weight on, but it's all nut and medjool weight, and I wanted fruit and green weight! Friday 10th November 2000 I did my winter clear-up in the garden today -- I love gardening so much. Shame it's not warm, but at least it's not wet. Could only garden for an hour as my hands got so cold. I feel my garden will decline without me to love it. Oh well. Ate my last pear off my tree while gardening. What a lovely sign to tell me that winter's approaching. Went to the pond for my dinner (cabbage roll-ups) and sat for about an hour, facing the late-appearing sun. Lovely, but very very cold. I've stopped over-eating today. Only eaten moderate-normal. Phew. I feel like I'm going to pop! Karen came over and we watched a really depressing film. I'm going to have to stop letting her choose the videos, she always chooses depressing ones! We were going to go out boogieing but we changed our minds. I'm quite glad as my tummy's swollen, getting ready for period full moon day, I shouldn't wonder! I've had the windows open all day today, and I was outside for about 3 hours -- I think I've had a good fresh air day today. Sunday 12th November 2000 It was so sunny and warm today! I'd have normally gone and sat by the village pond, but was redoing shazzie.com all day (8 hours solid!). I just felt the need to do something totally for me. I'm still being very active, though. I hemmed some curtains this morning! Monday 13th November 2000 This Joe bloke might be coming to the Cambridge Fresh meeting, even though he lives in London. I can't wait to meet him. I emailed him about how I've observed time going all bendy, and some things seem to last forever, whereas others last no time at all. It's true! I haven't come on yet -- though I came on last full moon. I don't even feel due to come on, either. Oh, wonder what's happening here? I'm trying to work out why I'm eating so much. I think it might be because I have a need for passion which isn't being filled. I'm sure I must be a man or something -- this doesn't seem to be normal for girls, from what my mates say...hmmm! Yesterday I forced myself to eat less, and I do feel better for it. I'm doing my painting today as I think it's just dawned on me that I might not be here in 6 weeks. Funny -- my painting style's changed again! It looks like 6 different people painted it at the moment! Schizophrenic? Us? Wednesday 15th November 2000 Me and Karen went to London today. We first of all went hunting fresh durian (it's back! -- but Karen opened hers and it wasn't ripe so I didn't open mine!), and then went off to do a Fresh stall at the Brian Clement lecture. Joe turned up, and all official like, I shook his hand. Oh, he's so lovely, like a giant teddy bear. I think we'll become good friends. I'd like to get my dad into Brian's Institute, (though that won't happen)... He used to have tablets for his diabetes and only went on to insulin about a year ago. Many people in the US have cured diabetes with raw. But like everyone else, they have to want to be healthy more than they have to want to eat crap food. That's a hard choice for most because it's a whole lifestyle change. All I can do is keep putting info under his nose. At least then it'll be his choice. As those daft AIDS posters in the '80s used to say "Don't die of ignorance"! Funny bloke this Brian Clement. He's not 100% raw, with all that knowledge of what cooked food does to you. I'd heard before that he ate cooked food because a 100% raw diet made him too ungrounded to run the institute, but who knows if that's true. Having been raw for about 1/40th of the time as him, how can I say that's bollocks? It might only hit you after 30 years of raw! Personally, I don't "feel" it to be true, but maybe if it is, that's the way we're supposed to be. Also, because he's eating a low fruit diet, and has to add spices, onions etc to everything, he's probably bored of his food. You know, eating high fruit and lovely greens is so exciting to me, but low fruit and lots of sprouts just turns me off*. I think I'd go back to cooked if I couldn't eat this much fruit! I'm not convinced of his "sprouts" diet. I'm a frugivore. He said that most fruit had been so hybridised the sugar content has increased by 30 times. Huh? Thursday 16th November 2000 Didn't get home until about 2.30am. Dirty stop-out! Went to the dentist today to have my first batch of amalgams out. He's charging me £250 to replace them with white stuff (a mixture of quartz and acrylics or something), and then £76 for taking my wisdom tooth out. I asked him to use a rubber dam, and he did, but he said "There's no evidence that mercury vapours are dangerous" -- well, there you go! I held my breath all the time he was drilling. I don't think I could have done that before I had my breathing work with Ruth! I asked the dentist why we get wisdom teeth and he replied that our jaws used to be bigger and we could accommodate them, but now we can't. Then he said that he didn't know why our jaws are smaller. I said that it was because of the food we eat, and he went on about natural selection and I couldn't explain myself any more than that because he had his tools in my gob. Natural selection, my arse! Shazzie's being silly and wants to eat a lot. I must be due on. Wish I had nuts in the house but made sure I didn't have any as I knew I'd want them. Oh!! Just opened my "ripe" durian and it isn't. Bloody hell. After having the amalgams out I got puffy eyes, was spitting out mucous and nose is blocked. Had to go for a walk to clear my head! Got another email off Joe, he said that he's never met people as happy as me and Karen! I told him that the world just glows for us! I contacted Julie Rosenfield to write a story for her new book "Vegan stories". It's to give money to the Vegan Society, which is good. I wish they'd stop being so keen on soya, though! I painted for about 4 hours today, and took it easy for most of the rest of the day. I did plan to do some work tonight to make up for it, but ended up doing not much and laid in bed all night feeling ill. It feels like a cold, which would be the first one since going raw. I wonder if it's because of the amalgams? I'm dribbling as my mouth is numb from fillings. They look better than metal, though! I need to make some phone calls but can't until my mouth comes back to me. I'd go "Plebllo. Plazzie plear." They wouldn't understand a word. Unless they were aliens. I daren't try my other durian in case it's not ripe. I'm sure eating the best fruit in the world shouldn't be this stressful! I'm going to look on the web of how to really spot a ripe one -- it's too sad to see them being opened prematurely... Saturday 18th November 2000 Me and Karen were making a feast for today's Fresh meeting to celebrate Jules taking over. So for this special occasion we've decided on courgette spaghetti with tomato sauce, carrot cake, and many salads. We overestimated on some of the sweet ingredients so I ended up making some sweet spicy balls as well. Cor, being raw is usually such a doddle and there's no effort needed in the kitchen, but today we were making food all day! We took it round mine in the afternoon, I got a quick bath and then we went to Jules' house with it. Karen was also selling some Fresh books tonight, so we had those to contend with as well. Poor Vera, all this carrying of stuff. She still smells from the spilled fruit salad. At Jules' house we still had some food to assemble, so I sat on the floor with a stack of courgettes and a saladacco, while Karen and Jules did some salady things. Quite a few people turned up tonight -- people who I hadn't met before, and one woman who's husband I used to work with. Joe came along with his friend Lisa. Later on, they told us that they had a secret code with each other, and if either of them thought we were a bunch of looneys, they'd make their excuses and leave! They didn't leave so we must all be OK. Later on, we got ready to go out boogieing, as it was Jules' birthday. We all shared some E3Live which was like the raw fooder's version of taking pre-club drugs. It must have looked very daft from the outside, all these people sipping green slime. I looked at my tummy and how fat it was getting, and wasn't pleased. I don't know what I should have expected, though, I did eat 3 portions of the spaghetti and sauce -- well, I made it! We ended up in a club in Cambridge called Toxic 8. Me, Lisa and Joe were boogieing to '70s disco music and we don't know where Karen and Jules were. Joe got quite upset that some of his chics had disappeared! Later on we went into the main bit where they were playing house music and we found the girls funking on the dancefloor. We all boogied together and had a good laugh. Some bloke pinched my arse, so I pinched his which surprised him. Why do blokes do that sort of thing? I wouldn't have minded if he was a tiny bit attractive but he was just a drunken Fenland boy! After boogieing we dropped Jules off and then went back round mine. We stayed up chatting for ages and then Karen and I went to bed, leaving Joe and Lisa downstairs. This wasn't the plan, I was going to put Joe and Lisa in the spare room and me and Karen downstairs, but I couldn't be arsed to blow up the airbed and Joe just insisted I stopped fretting and went to bed. So them 2 got the settees which must have been mighty uncomfortable, as they're so small (the settees, not the people). Sunday 19th November 2000 We had a lovely day today, chatting and making cabbage burritos. Joe made a cucumber baguette, where you scrape the middle out of a cucumber and fill it with yummy stuff and eat. About an hour after Lisa and Joe left I started looking for my keys to take Karen home, but couldn't find them. I did, however find Joe's house keys and wallet. Oh, he'd only taken my keys and gone back to London! So I eventually contacted him and he had to drive all the way back here to swap keys. Doh! Monday 20th November 2000 I'm really far behind with work and things to do, because of feeling ill after having my amalgams out, and going out at the weekend. I've got to nuckle down now. I had my other durian today and it was heavenly. A real ripe one with the lemony tang. I think it was the best I've ever had -- a sign that life's going to be a bit good for a while!! I didn't wake up until 10.15 as I had a very restless night. I had the strangest dreams this morning. I dreamed that some Indian music was being played next door, and I obviously thought it was real but then I thought maybe I'm dreaming, so I lifted my head off the pillow and the noise disappeared. I did this a few times. And I dreamed about my sister -- she looked like Ann Diamond and was on the telly! And then I dreamed that I woke up and picked my watch up to look at the time and the hands were just spinning and spinning -- as if time was going mad (well, I know it is). I'm not sure when I realised my watch thing was a dream, or indeed if it was at all!! Today I feel very strange, but good. Thursday 23rd November 2000 Had my last lot of amalgams out today! I'm mercury-free now! But I'll have a billion things floating round in me. I bought some coriander to mop it up. I think it only works if you eat it, and not just stare at it on the windowsill in a vase... Friday 24th November 2000 I had my wisdom tooth out today: While I was sitting in the dentist's chair, I had a word with my tooth -- told it why it had to go and said it would be OK. So I kind of did a little ritual for it. When the dentist removed it, he remarked how quickly and easily it came out. This was nothing compared to the last one a few years ago -- there was a lot of wrenching involved! I love visualising, it makes life so easy! Sunday 26th November 2000 Went to Joe's flat today. We bought durians! It was his first time -- even though he's been to Thailand, he was a durivirgin! We managed to eat 4 of them and some coconuts in one night! I told Joe that I was planning on going to the New Forest in New Year and -- I really want to be with trees at New Year, like so much! He said he'd come with me. To be honest, I'm quite glad as I'm not too good at being on my own in dark places! So, I'll have a "different" festive period to say the least! Next *Yeah, and of course he turned out to be right. The high-fruit diet is very cleansing, and tastes great, but it caused deficiencies in me and many of my friends when we attempted to do it long-term.

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