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Home > Raw > Raw transformation journal

Wednesday 1st March 2000

Day 59
I woke up at 9am, tired but able to get up. I had an apple at about 11am. I've not felt lively all week (since the big meal on Sunday) and it's made me want to just eat fruit.

Oh, just wanting to eat fruit lasted a long time -- I pigged out on about 100g of walnuts at dinner time. I felt so down about my job, that I went to buy my walnuts and then drove to a country park where I sat in the sunshine (in my car, it's still cold). The clouds were great -- there were some massive blue ones with silver edging, and smaller white ones inside them -- they looked like they had their own little cloud world. Very beautiful. I was only there for 15 minutes but it helped me get through the rest of the work day.

I ate a few more nuts on the way to Tesco, where I was really disappointed with the fruit. Not one ripe papaya (I've got withdrawal symptoms, I think I've only had one in 3 weeks). I got 3 figs which surprised me as I thought I'd seen the last of them for a while.

I was shattered by the time I got home. I feel so weighed down by my job (even though I try not to care about it). I helped put the shopping away and went for a lie down. Stevie brought me a banana up at about 7.30 which I ate. Maybe this tiredness is detox, but why can't I have a cold-type symptom like others going through it? Tiredness just makes me think I'm doing something wrong.

Thursday 2nd March 2000

Day 60
I couldn't sleep last night and woke up with a really sore neck. I couldn't lift it off the pillow for more than a few minutes. Even the socket in my right eye hurt. I had to phone in sick. I laid in bed until 3pm when I had a bath. After I got out of the bath I went to lay on a hard floor which felt good, but when I tried to get up my neck just hurt so much it made me cry. I felt so down all day -- I hate pain.

I had no appetite during the day but ate a guacamole type thing so I got my greens down me. I processed an avocado, a little gem lettuce, a clove of garlic and the juice of half a lemon. I used 3 celery sticks to dip it. I then rested again because my neck just couldn't take it.

At about 5pm I started to feel a bit better, so got dressed and sat up for a while. For tea I had a pudding made of 2 bananas, 2 dates, half a punnet of strawberries, half a punnet of blueberries. It was a lovely treat and made me feel much better. I think eating lightly helped -- it seemed to relieve the pressure in my neck and head.

It was a Fresh meeting tonight and after being ill all day, I wasn't going to go but I did start to feel better. As this was going to be my first one and they only happen every 6 weeks I thought I should make the effort. Funny how you get schoolgirl guilt, I could just hear my mum morphing with my boss: "If you're not well enough for work, you're not well enough to go out and play"! I'm glad I did go, though because I met some other raw people, and Karen -- the smashing girl who runs Fresh. I did spend the whole of the evening in pain, but it was worth it. I ate just before I went out and was well satisfied with that, but everyone had brought food and I ended up having 3 platefuls! What a pig, they all must have thought. There was juicy mango and kiwi, almond pate on celery, raw pesto on tomatoes, salads, sunflower sprouts -- all sorts, and it was so nice to share it with people who feel the same. All I can keep saying is "Lovely"!

Friday 3rd March 2000

Day 61
I felt so much better this morning so went to work. I had to lie on the settee in the kitchen for about 10 minutes at about 4pm because my neck was straining again, but at least I made it through the day.

For breakfast I made the same pudding as I had last night because it was so tasty. Then for dinner I had a banana and some grapes and a bottle of water at the pub.

When I got home I made a big salad out of 2 little gem lettuces, 4 tomatoes and an apple. I put on a dressing made of an avocado, the juice of half a lemon, sesame oil and a tiny bit of balsamic vinegar. That was really tasty -- a salad with apple. I'll do that again. That filled me up for the rest of the night and didn't need to eat any more.

Today I've had a bit of a sore throat and I've noticed several small spots on my back -- these are detox symptoms so that coupled with the tiredness I've felt means I've been detoxing quite a bit for me this week. I'm wondering how much my back ache has got to do with this? My other wondering is about a top wisdom tooth that's coming through -- maybe it's pressing on a nerve in my head and it's shooting down my back? Maybe it isn't my age old whiplash coming back to haunt me? Anyway I'm off to see a chiropractor next Wednesday so I hope she'll have a solution.

Saturday 4th March 2000

Day 62
I woke up early today because I needed to get into town. I didn't feel any back pain when I woke up. Typical as I'm going for a back massage later especially... I don't normally talk about pooing in this journal because nothing significant has happened there, but I definitely had a detox poo today (a nose-holder). And there was oil floating on the surface of the water. Hmmm.

I had an apple on the way to town but it tasted sour so I threw it away.

When I got home I made 2 nori wraps filled with an avocado, loads of alfalfa sprouts, tomatoes and home grown rocket and lambs lettuce. They were nice -- especially as I haven't had any for a while.

I went for my back massage which was really relaxing -- Kelly used detoxing oils because of what I've been going through this week. When I got home I was a bit hungry so I made a smoothie -- but I couldn't stop eating the mango -- so about half of it went into the blender and the other half in my mouth. I added 2 bananas, 2 dates, 6 strawberries and blended it all. This was the last of my giant mangoes.

Did my usual Saturday Brookie ritual, and each time there was a break on I'd get up to make another nori wrap. I made 3 in all with alfalfa, rocket, tomatoes and avocado.

I then ate 2 dates.

Not satisfied with eating 5 nori wraps in one day, I had 2 others before I went to bed. I don't think I've ever eaten so much in one day.

About 75% of the food I buy is organic now -- largely due to the availability in the shops.

I'm going to a Fresh brainstorming meeting tomorrow, so I'm taking my coconut cookies that I made last Sunday and a salsa. In the salsa I put 6 soaked sundried tomatoes, 3 normal tomatoes, a small orange pepper, a red onion, a clove of garlic, a bit of ginger and the juice of half a lemon with some of its rind. I made it in advance so the flavours can get all together for a bit.

Sunday 5th March 2000

Day 63
I felt well when I woke up today. No cloggy head and no neck pain. Oh I felt really full from all the nori wraps yesterday. I certainly didn't want any breakfast.

I got to the Fresh meeting at about 11am and ate a strawberry -- just because it was there, really. I then drank half a bottle of water and at about 12 I had a lovely glass of orange juice. I don't buy oranges at home so this was a nice change. At about 1 we all ate. We made a kind of quick buffet and there was so much food, but we got through it all. I had some coconut cookies and salsa (they both got the thumbs up), guacamole, sunflower greens, tomatoes, banana, strawberry, apple and orange pepper. It was so lovely to eat in the company of other raw people again. I ate more than I do when I'm on my own (except for last night!). I had about another bottle and half of water.

I told Karen about the nori and sundried tomato binge I had yesterday and mentioned that I thought it was because my body wanted the minerals in nori as I'd had a detox massage. She said that it could also be a salt craving, which makes sense.

When I got home at about 10pm I made a nori wrap (just the one!) from my remaining soaked sundried tomatoes, mixed beansprouts, avocado and lettuce.

I only ached slightly towards the end of the day but I made sure I didn't get too stiff by doing some simple stretches every now and again -- that really helps.

I went to bed happy but not tired.

Monday 6th March 2000

Day 64
Here's my weekly measure-up:

Weight: 8 st 3 lb (115lb) (no change) (total 12lb less)

Pulse: 50 beats per minute (normalish again)

Chest: 33 (total 1 inch less)
Waist: 25 (.5 inch less) (total 2.25 inches less)
Hips: 34 (.25 inch smaller) (total 2.5 inches less)
Upper leg: 20 (no change) (total .75 inch change)

All measurements are in inches.

I woke up with a stiff neck this morning.

I feel good today -- not fantastic, but energetic enough to get throughout the day. I think I'll play badminton tonight. After the hard time I had last week I need an easy week. My neck isn't helping this transition that I'm going through, but I hope the raw diet will help my neck, so I'll have to just be patient! I think I had some mild detox symptoms last week -- cloudy head, blocked nose, a few spots on back and tummy and horrid poo.

CloudI ate quite early for me today. I had a banana, fig and mango smoothie which was like eating a cloud -- so light and fluffy. 2 bananas and 1 each of the other fruits. Very nice.

At about 3.30 I made 2 nori wraps. I had an avocado, mixed bean sprouts and lettuce. It was very quick and plain - but very tasty.

At about 8.30pm I had a really nice salad made of lettuce, strawberries, mango, fresh fig and mixed bean sprouts. I made a guacamole to dip it all into, but put a whole chili in it! Luckily I made enough for me and Stevie (1 avocado each), but it was still a bit too hot for me.

I've felt well all day. Still very day dreamy and extremely peaceful. I did find it hard getting out of the bath, though. I had a slight shortness of breath (I noticed this yesterday as well but I thought it was because I was talking a lot!). My nose feels slightly inflamed and my lungs feel a bit tight -- I've also had some clear mucous. These are all good detox symptoms as far as I'm concerned.

Energy-wise I've had a better day than I had all last week. I've done some washing, clearing up, shopping and a full working day -- and I'm still wide awake and feeling good at 11.30pm.

I'm going to try not to eat so soon before going to bed. I've been told that it might be the reason I don't drop off quickly. I reckon it might also have something to do with why I don't eat in the morning, too. I'll give it a go and report back if I get to sleep any earlier over the next few weeks.

Tuesday 7th March 2000

Day 65
I woke up at 8am! On a work day! Wow! I even had breakfast before 9am! I made a smoothie from 2 bananas, a mango and 7 strawberries -- and ate about two thirds of it as a pudding.

For dinner I had left over guacamole, with an extra avocado added to thin out the chili. I dipped 3 strawberries, a fig and a big load of lettuce in it. It was really nice and simple.

It's pancake day today so Stevie and I went to Hobbs Pavilion and I ate 2 cooked pancakes. To start I had a bowl of lettuce leaves (which I really enjoyed) -- they have a nice vegan dressing there but I don't think it's raw. I then had a ratatouille pancake and me and Stevie shared a lemon juice and maple syrup pancake. Next year I'm going to make raw ones! Oh, I also had a Calvados and a couple of garlic mushrooms.

As I was eating the cooked food, I could feel my finger joints begin to swell up. I then felt my gums throbbing, the inside of my nose swell up and my lips tingle. This lasted all night. I felt too full as well (even though I didn't eat that much), and it seemed to take forever for my stomach to empty. I got hiccups, too.

The experience of eating cooked food becomes stranger every time I do it. The first couple of times were no different, but now I can feel my body "puff up" and react to it. It's great knowing that if I eat cooked food I can see such an instant reaction -- it proves cooked is wrong and your body can get over it and build up an intolerance to it so quickly.

I was very tired when I got home.

Wednesday 8th March 2000

Day 66
I had to get up at 8am to day because of my chiropractor appointment. I felt OK on waking, though -- even after my cooked meal.

I got into Cambridge a bit early so I parked up and went to a fruit shop to buy an apple. The man in the fruit shop joked about me eating just an apple for breakfast and said that I didn't need to diet. I told him not to ask about my diet -- I don't eat cooked food (I didn't mention last night). He said that it's very dangerous to do those things to your body -- starving yourself to look thin, so I explained that wasn't why I was doing it and briefly explained that it's for health reasons. He then said "I don't believe in that. Look at me, I'm healthy as they come, and I eat everything." I said that maybe he came from better stock than me -- I didn't want to go the way of my family who are all ill. So he agreed that he was from good stock. I talked briefly about the generations effect that cooked food has on people. A couple of minutes later we were talking about how little GPs seemed to know about health and he piped up "I've got really severe diabetes and when I was in hospital after having a heart attack the doctor told me the opposite of my GP. They know nothing". Stunned at what he said, I repeated back to him: "You just told me you are in perfect health but you're diabetic and have had a heart attack". His eyes glazed over and everything I said after that didn't sink in. It's as if he never made that connection before. I find it so sad that diseases such as diabetes and heart attacks are so common, they're seen as normal. Well, if anyone's in a position to make a positive change to their health, it's that man in the fruit shop, surrounded by mangoes...

I ate my apple and got to the chiro's. The chiro was recommended to me by my good friend, Jo so I had confidence in her to start. She's called Alison and when we got onto food she told me that she was 75% raw. So I trusted her a bit more as she agreed with all the positive changes I'd made in my life -- that's the first "authority figure" to do so!

After my treatment, I went to work and ate a big juicy dripping mango. I had another one at about 2pm - just as nice.

I had to work late tonight but got home still with bags of energy. I made Stevie a stir fry and I had 2 nori wraps with one and a half avocados, 3 tomatoes, some sprouted seeds and loads of leaves.

I felt really good today.

I got to sleep at about 1am -- still feeling good but with an achey neck from my chiro visit.

Thursday 9th March 2000

Day 67
I woke up at 8.30 -- still very good for me. I wasn't hungry so just got down to work. I got my job transfer confirmation through the post which has delighted me as I was starting to look at other companies because this has taken over 4 months to get sorted. I'm now SCO's Corporate ID Manager -- cor does this mean lots of worldwide travel? Hope so!

At about 11.30 I made breakfast -- 2 bananas, about 6 strawberries and a punnet of brambles made into a smoothie. There are so many seeds in brambles that I'd probably like it a lot better if I sieved it -- but I couldn't because my sieve was dirty.

I decided to clean the kitchen at dinner time -- I've got a good amount of energy today -- partly due to my diet, and partly due to my job being sorted -- that was really getting me down. Much more than I've written in this journal.

At about 2pm I ate 3 sharons -- 2 of them were juicily drippingly gorgeous and I just cut them in half and sucked the middle out, but the other one was hard but it still tasted OK so I ate it!

We went out tonight to Arun and Thora's house and he was doing us a bit of food -- I said not to bother for me and I'd bring my own, but he insisted. So I got a tomato and avocado salad with a papaya, mango and kiwi fruit salad for pudding. It was lovely -- really unfussy, filling and tasty. I had a couple of glasses of red wine to celebrate my job -- but I didn't eat any cooked food with it! Oh and I had an espresso -- I think I'd been 6 weeks without coffee -- and it tasted just how I remembered, but I really don't miss it in my day to day life.

Friday 10th March 2000

Day 68
Blimey -- I got to sleep at 1am and woke up at 6am with a bird singing a really pretty (but very loud) song outside. I couldn't sleep so I got up and made some dehydrator crackers. I made 4 flavours by doing the following. I took a mug full of soaked flax seeds, the corn from 2 cobs, 1 clove of garlic, a small orange pepper and a tiny pinch of sea salt. I whizzed it all up in my food processor and it got really light and fluffy. The flax didn't break down so much as when I made them before but I thought I'd try them like this. I then put the mixture into 4 bowls. I added black pepper to one, chili and ginger to another, sundried tomatoes (unsoaked) to another and chives to the final one. I then used my dehydrator for the first time -- I was so excited! I spread them about 5mm thick and layered different toppings on them for recognition, I put a chive on the chili ones, a slice of tomato on the tomato ones, nothing on the chive ones and extra black pepper on the pepper ones. I then gave them all a sparse sprinkling of sea salt.

I had an apple at about 7am and then a nori roll at about 10.30am -- I put half an avocado, a little gem lettuce and a tomato in it -- I liked that and wanted another one but couldn't be bothered so I ate another apple.

I had a banana at about noon, then went to the pub to celebrate my new job -- with a glass of mineral water. I ate 4 dried figs at 3.30 because I was peckish and there was no fruit in the basket at work (we get free fruit!).

When I got home from work I made Stevie a stir fry and I had a nice salad with an avocado, a little gem lettuce, some tomatoes and a stick of celery in.

We went to the pub this evening and I had 3 glasses of fizzy water. It was a bit too smoky for my liking.

Saturday 11th March 2000

Day 69
I woke up with a blocked head -- probably from the smoke last night. I needed a wee at 6.30 and it lasted for ever -- Stevie even heard it and thought I was filling the sink up it was so long! I went back to bed and woke up properly at 9.30 feeling much better but all in a hurry because I had to be at Karen's and had planned on making some seed cheese to take with me along with my crackers.

After flapping in the kitchen with my seed cheese (I'd soaked a mug full of sunflower seeds the night before and then just blended them with a clove of garlic a pinch of salt a stick of celery some turmeric and a bit of basil) I got it into an old stocking to strain while I had a shower. It was softer in the end and was more like a pate than a cheese. The turmeric didn't work -- I wanted it to give the cheese a yellow colour but it just tasted too strong. It was still really nice, though.

I didn't have any breakfast, but had a lovely glass of sweet orange juice at about 12, and then dinner about 2 hours later. I had some crackers with seed cheese and rocket, celery, cucumber, tomatoes and yellow pepper with guacamole -- I ate too much because it was nice and it made me very tired, very quickly.

Karen couldn't eat the chili crackers -- they were just far too hot for her.

Mike (who's currently fasting) watched us both eat and said he could see our energy levels drop. We were both so unalert it wasn't true. Maybe it was one ingredient or maybe it was because we'd mixed too much stuff up. We thought it was the turmeric -- I'm going to sling it out.

I just got home and our friends Chris and Melanie were taking Stevie out to Chili's so I went with them to be sociable even though I was tired from the day I'd had. I had a bottle of water and 2 salads that had lettuce, a tiny bit of tomato that tasted vinegary or something, red cabbage and a sprinkling of carrot. What an imaginative salad! Chili's guacamole always had cream in it, so I didn't ask for any. I'm sure there was no cream in Stevie's guacamole, though... I'll ask next time. If there isn't it'll be a good place to get a salad.

We went to a non-smoking pub after the meal and I got really aggressive with someone for being pompous -- I don't know what came over me -- all these words were coming out of my mouth and they wouldn't stop. Something I ate earlier had made me feel odd. I've got a feeling it was the turmeric -- I won't use it again.

We got home quite early -- about 10.30 but we were both tired and went straight to sleep.

Sunday 12th March 2000

Day 70

I woke up at 7.40 -- that's not me at all! I had a funny head again -- the lining of my nose felt enlarged, too. I ate a mango at about 9pm and then lazed around all morning. We went shopping and then I made a salad out of loads of rocket from my garden (including some flowers), a bit of mixed lettuce, an apple, an avocado, some tomatoes, some pepper. As Stevie was having it too, I put on some olive oil and poured on some "whey" left over from my cheese yesterday. I served mine with flax crackers and Stevie's with pasta salad -- but he had one of my flax crackers and loved it so much!

I didn't need to eat anything else today -- I didn't feel like it after a salad the size of a whale.

I've got no energy at all today. Everything that's happened this week has just wiped me out and I'm still suffering from something I ate yesterday. I'm just taking it easy all day.

Sunday 13th March 2000

Day 71
Here's my weekly measure-up:

Weight: 8 st 1 lb (113lb) (21b less) (total 14lb less)

Pulse: 50 beats per minute (still my normal)

Chest: 33 (total 1 inch less)
Waist: 25 (no change) (total 2.25 inches less)
Hips: 34 (no change) (total 2.5 inches less)
Upper leg: 19.5 (.5 inch less) (total 1.25 inch change)

All measurements are in inches.

I woke up just after 8am, which is a good start to the week. My throat feels so gravelly, though -- I could get a job doing dirty phone calls. At about 10am I had an apple, followed by another an hour later. My ears feel a bit crackly inside -- like they're clearing out or something.

I had my second chiro appointment today. She told me the results of her findings from the week before. I've got very very tight muscles in my neck and shoulders, the bones are all compacted in my neck, and a bit further down and at the bottom of my spine. I've also got dodgy mobility in most of my right hand joints. She says she can sort it and I've got a lot of faith in her. I felt better after the first appointment so expected the same after this one. Once again she pulsed me with her space gun and gave me a fantastic massage on my spasmed shoulder muscles. The best bit of the visit is the fairground ride type bed. You stand on it (vertically) and it goes down to horizontal -- little things, eh?

I ate a giant mango at dinner time and had a banana later in the afternoon.

For my tea I made a nice salad with strawberries, avocado, lettuce and orange pepper. I had 2 nori sheets with it.

All day I felt strange -- slightly feverish and coughed (dry) quite a bit. I've got a lot to do this week -- with my new job and helping Fresh out. I worked until 10pm and then watched the Strangerers, then went to bed.

Tuesday 14th March 2000

Day 72
I fell straight to sleep last night. Again, I woke up at a normal time (I'm very pleased with this -- normal sleeping patterns was on my list of things to achieve). I still felt a bit feverish, along with having a stuffy head) As I got dressed, I put a pair of trousers on that I bought at Christmas -- they looked so large and badly fitting, that it looked like I'd stolen them off someone else. Funny how I was happy with my "weight" at Christmas but looking back I can see the cookedness in me. I couldn't wear my trousers so I put something else on and decided to go shopping at dinner time. I've got nothing to wear!

At work I ate 2 bananas and then went off to the shops.

I needed the works -- knickers, bras (like I need them), skirts, trousers, tops, a jacket. It's lucky for me that I'm such a good shopper and managed to find some nice clothes in such a short space of time. The only thing I couldn't find was a jacket which is a shame as my current Spring jacket now buries me. I'll have to widen my search.

I got a bit thirsty (shopping's hard work) so went to Pret and bought a fruit salad. It had melon watermelon, oranges, pineapple, apple, kiwi in it. There was no room inside, so I got it to take out, and ate it whilst squatting outside the shop. People looked at me funny probably because I was squatting, but it felt good and right.

I did notice that when I was walking round the shops my muscles in my legs felt odd -- like I'd not walked on some of them before. My shoulders felt freer, too. I felt like I wasn't walking like a cardboard cut out (which is how I felt before).

I bought some salady stuff on the market and some alfalfa sprouts from Cambridge Health Foods.

On thing that hasn't improved on this diet is my sense of direction. I tried to take a short cut back to work and ended up in Cherry Hinton -- miles out.

Back at work I bored everyone with the fact that I just bought a pair of size 8 (UK) trousers and skirt and 2 32B bras. Maybe I should have not discussed the bras. My mums says I go into too much detail. My fever felt worse when I got back to work.

I made a salad at work of 1 banana, handful of alfalfa, an apple. There was going to be an avocado in it, but I got it off the market and it was hard on the outside and bad on the inside. Gross. It went in the bin.

I spent the evening working on Fresh again, so didn't eat any tea. I watched the Strangerers at 9.30 and indulged in my last 8 flax crackers with bananas and tomatoes on top -- scrummy.

Wednesday 15th March 2000

Day 73
Woke up at 8ish again today -- fantastic! My fever feels a bit worse, but not crippling. I worked from home today, so made a smoothie at about 11am out of 2 bananas, a punnet of strawberries, a punnet of blueberries -- oooh - heaven in a bowl.

I ate a prickly pear about 2 hours later but it wasn't worth it -- I wouldn't buy one again.

Then I got the munchies. At about 1.30 I had 4 nori wraps with avocado, celery and orange pepper. Really tasty.

An hour later I had 5 apple bananas -- they are cute little bananas that have a thinner skin, a smoother texture and a more flowery taste -- I'll get these again, they're gorgeous!

About an hour later I had an apple.

I then started to feel more feverish so went to bed. I really didn't feel well and was craving emotional food support. I got a bag of brazil nuts (unsoaked) and ate them before I had chance to attack the bread.

Thursday 16th March 2000

Day 74
I went to sleep at about midnight but woke up at 2am totally dripping with sweat -- this is either my fever breaking, or I'm leaking. I went and sorted myself out and then went back to bed and slept. Woke up at 8am still with a hot head. All around my cheeks, throat, neck and ears is hot. My ears still feel a bit crackly inside.

I decided to go to work because I felt better after a shower, but found myself gorging on apples. I ate 3 apples before dinner time.

Me and Stevie went to Tesco at dinner time but I didn't feel well and I drove the back wheel of my car up a curb. Stevie drove back. I made a salad of a bit of avocado, some mixed lettuce, 4 tomatoes and loads of alfalfa sprouts.

At about 4.30 I had another salad with banana, mixed lettuce, alfalfa.

We were having friends round tonight to watch the new American Pie DVD with extra funny bits in it. I got home and made guacamole for tonight -- but ate a dish of it with one of those posh long red peppers -- really nice.

We walked to the pub to meet some friends, this cleared my head a bit but blocked my nose. I had a glass of water (this is the pub that doesn't sell mineral water -- duh!)

When we got back home to watch the film, I ate some more guacamole and some salsa. In the salsa was sundried tomatoes, tomatoes, red onion, garlic, a bit of avocado. Melanie liked the salsa (and of course everyone loves guacamole). I dipped with celery, carrot, spring onions and red pepper. I ate 2 olives (cooked). naughty me. Didn't like them and I used to be mental on olives. I ate a banana as well.

When our friends had gone we tidied up -- this is a total first for us as we're usually "leave it til the morning" people. I still felt ill.

Friday 17th March 2000

Day 75

Oh my pounding head. I wish it would go away. I reluctantly got out of bed at 9.30 to get ready for work. God, my face feels so hot. I'm burning up.

I got to work and really didn't feel well. I ate an apple at 11am. I couldn't concentrate, so I went to the pub with the lads at dinner time. I thought if I had a Southern Comfort it would dilate my blood vessels and help me work this afternoon. I had 3. It did work for a bit, I felt OK for a couple of hours but then it wore off and so I went home at about 3.30. I laid in bed thinking of eating chips -- I thought if I make a really small portion and eat them slowly it won't hurt too much. I needed them but I didn't want them so I was able to override the craving. That's the first big craving I've had -- this fever is bringing some stuff out of me. I tried to sleep but couldn't -- I had too much work to do and it wouldn't get off my mind. Luckily I'd brought some printed stuff home with me that I needed to go through, so I did that while I was in bed.

At about 5ish I started to feel better. I went downstairs and got on my computer. I had an apple and I also made 2 nori wraps that had celery, sundried tomatoes, lettuce and orange pepper in them. I worked for a bit and then relaxed at about 9pm.

I went to bed and fell straight to sleep.

Saturday 18th March 2000

Day 76
I woke up at 2am with period pains -- no rest for the wicked, eh? I had to take some tablets but they didn't work very well and I stayed awake on the settee, drifting in and out of sleep until about 7.30. I went back upstairs and got about half an hour's sleep.

For breakfast at 9.30 I had 4 figs but they weren't very nice, I don't think I'll get them again for a while, they aren't in season.

At about 10am I made a pint of milkshake out of 1 day sprouted sunflower seeds, hemp seeds and flax blended with water and sieved, and sweetened it with dates.

I didn't fancy any dinner but made some muesli bars in my dehydrator with the gunk from the milkshake, blueberries, banana, figs and dates.

I went to a raw get-together tonight at about 6, and we all ate a raw feast. My small contribution was my home grown veganic rocket which everyone loved. There was an apple, celery and avocado dip (which was lighter than guacamole and really gorgeous). Guacamole, celery and yellow pepper to dip, marinated raw olives (apparently you can get them from Sainsbury's deli -- so I'll check that out), assorted lettuce, tomatoes, cucumber, broccoli sprouts marinated in olive oil and herbs, sunflower greens, and other stuff. I had 3 platefuls. Later on Karen and I made sweets for everyone -- one lot was organic medjool dates (from Waitrose -- much nicer than Tesco) stuffed with brazil nuts and cut into slices of 4. The other sweets were raisins, kiwi and sesame seeds blended, rolled onto sesame seeds and made into squares.

Just before I left, Karen made everyone a drink -- it had passion fruit in it but I don't know what other fruity things!

I had a lovely night -- being with all those raw people was so positive -- we had a good chat and laugh all night.

I got home at half past midnight and went straight to bed.

Sunday 19th March 2000

Day 77
I didn't wake up until 10.30 -- that makes up from my lack of sleep the night before. I made some orange juice and ate 2 muesli bars -- they were OK but a bit cardboardish. I'll make them thicker with more fruit next time.

With my pulp from the orange juice, I made some cookies. I blended 2 cups of soaked almonds, a small handful of sunflower sprouts, 3 soaked figs, a handful of dates, the orange pulp (from about 4 oranges) and sesame oil. I then sieved it all (which was an effort) to get a smooth mixture. I put the mixture in my dehydrator. I also made a raw pizza base and some cheese to go on top -- that won't be ready for another day or 2 though.

I ate a giant mango whilst sitting on my kitchen worktop in the sun. The mango wasn't the best in the world, but the sun was.

For tea I made guacamole, salad and long posh red peppers and celery to dip. I ate too much though and got very full.

Monday 20th March 2000

Day 78
I've stopped doing my weekly measure up as not much is happening now. You get the picture -- my body's straightening out and I'm dropping some unnecessary weight. If anything radical happens I'll document it. I didn't wake up until 10am -- slept so well yesterday. My fever hasn't returned.

For breakfast I ate a muesli bar and 2 apple bananas.

I went to my chiro again, she bashed me about a bit more and gave me some more exercises to do.

I ate an apple at about 1pm and a bunch of grapes throughout the afternoon. Funny -- they made me get hot flushes! How nice. I also stole a couple of dried mango strips off Stevie because I was hungry and there's no nice fruit around at the moment.

When I got home I had an avocado (one of the nicest I've ever had) with some leftover salad and then 6 dates during Corrie.

I made the rest of my pizza -- I won't say what I did yet because it might taste horrid. If it's a success I'll write it all down. It's sat in my dehydrator right now getting all warm and nice for tomorrow.

I had more Fresh stuff to do tonight so I spent about 3 hours on that. It's coming along slowly.

I went to bed at midnight, but didn't drop off until about 1ish.

Tuesday 21st March 2000

Day 79

I woke up at about 8.30 but was tired from all that work yesterday. I'll be glad when it's over. I didn't get up until about 9 and then rushed around because I had to get my car to the garage because the radio's useless. Maybe it's just the music they play these days! I shoved a muesli bar in my mouth as I was leaving the house. I'm really glad I made them because it's been an awful week for fruit and I'd have been a bit hungry without them.

At work I ate a nice red apple and then a giant mango for dinner -- again -- very disappointing. I'm fed up with fruit -- go away, horrid fruit! I'm all spotty, too -- my head's got a couple of really big juicers on it.

At 2.30 I ate an apple from the fruit basket -- not as nice as mine. I'm looking forward to my pizza but I bet it lets me down.

I got home at about 6.45 and got my pizza out of my dehydrator. I cut a wedge for me and a wedge for Stevie. Tentatively we took a bite. I was shocked! It tasted so good... now I've just got to remember how I made it! Stevie had 3 slices and I had about 5 -- but I didn't eat another thing all night -- it was fantastic. I couldn't eat it every day as it's not properly food combined but as a raw treat it's tops.

Wednesday 22nd March 2000

Day 80
I woke up at 8am, even though I didn't go to sleep until 1am. I'm getting used to this less sleep business and I like it. I even put some washing in the machine before I went to work which may be normal to some people but when you've had a lifetime of being too tired for anything, it's a massive achievement. I love it!

I had an apple at work at about 9.15, and then at 11.30 I was ready for my dinner. I made a salad of 4 sticks of celery, a punnet of strawberries (minus 3 which I saved for later!), an avocado, and an apple. It was a big tasty plateful that made me feel buzzing.

I'm really starting to feel the effects of this diet on a more long term basis now. Before it felt better in short spurts followed by my normal tiredness, but I've had little tiredness this week and I've been working up until around midnight every night.

At about 4pm I had my 3 remaining strawberries and an apple.

I went for a head massage after work which was so wonderful it took me 10 minutes to come round.

When I got home at about 9.30 I ate my tea. I made a spread out of an avocado a banana, and a clove of garlic blended in the food processor and spread it on 4 big romaine leaves then put basil leaves on top. I ate it like an open sandwich -- it was so tasty. It's the first time I've managed to buy romaine in the shops and I love it because it's so juicy and useful for holding other food.

I noticed today that I've got a lump in my right ear -- it feels a bit like a blind spot but it's making my whole ear burn. Eurgh!

I did some more Fresh work until about 12.30 and then went to bed.

Thursday 23rd March 2000

Day 81
I woke up at about 7.30 -- this was a bit early for me but I needed a wee and I couldn't sleep after that. I watched the telly for a bit before getting up. I decided to make some orange juice for breakfast which I had at about 9.30. I only juiced 6 oranges and got 2 pints out of them! I can't believe how deliciously juicy they were!

I was so impressed with the romaine yesterday that I wanted it again -- soon! For dinner, I decided to make a pesto out of soaked pine nuts, garlic, loads of basil and olive oil. I spread this on some romaine leaves, rolled it up and ate. Yum!

I had a manicure and pedicure at dinner time, too. Getting myself presentable ready for Stevie's MA graduation on Saturday.

For tea I was still on a romaine-buzz, so I made some guacamole and spread that on some romaine, and topped it off with sliced tomatoes.

In hindsight I perhaps shouldn't have eaten so much garlic today as I was going out tonight. Oh well -- I really stank. I went out for a drink with Karen (A) and I was only intending on having water but somehow I ended up having 5 or 6 bottles of Metz and Smirnoff Ice. That wasn't in my plan. Even sadder, we ended up in Chicago's (a sad middle aged cattle market disco) and I was dancing to the Nolans and other '70s superstars. Some blokes in the pub earlier kept telling me that I looked really scary. That's nice then...

I remember as I was about halfway down my first drink that the acidic stomach ache that I'd suffered almost permanently for about 3 years (but lost when I went raw) had come back. If I was stronger I'd have stopped drinking -- making the "poison" connection, but I'm not yet.

I got home at about 2am feeling very cross with myself for breaking my beautiful raw high that I'd been feeling all week. Just as I was getting somewhere...

Friday 24th March 2000

Day 82
I woke up early but felt awful. A bit hungover but a bit angry with myself. Oh well -- it's in the past now. I thought I should just eat lightly today to let my body recover quickly -- but as it happened I couldn't eat a thing.

At about noon I finally ate an apple, but it made my stomach feel funny.

I went for a leg wax at dinner time and ate another apple when I got back.

This evening was booked for me to work on Fresh stuff again (no rest for the wicked) so I got on with it while eating romaine with all sorts dribbled all over it. I love romaine -- I wonder how hard it is to grow? I finally finished the Fresh stuff at about 11.30 -- exhausted and having to get up early for Stevie's graduation tomorrow I took myself off to bed. I'd drank a lot of water today.

Saturday 25th March 2000

Day 83
Stevie rolled in drunk at about 3am after going out with his old college mates to a posh do last night. He said that he wasn't going to the ceremony as it was too early. I asked if he was sure and he said he was. I woke up at about 9am and thought I should wake Stevie up just in case he wanted to go after all. He said that he couldn't remember saying that he didn't want to go and we both panicked for an hour then finally left the house.

We hadn't had time for breakfast (it was too early for me) but Stevie threw up on the way into Cambridge anyway. He looked beautiful -- all dressed in a lovely kilt on a Saturday morning throwing up into a bush -- ahh!

I had a bit of a fruit salad from a restaurant but it tasted horrible -- all fermented or something. I left it and just drank some water.

After the ceremony we got some fruit from the market -- some cherimoyas, long peppers, and a chili pepper. I also bought some purple sprouting broccoli as it looked so nice and thought I'd marinade it like some that I'd recently had round Karen's. I've not had a cherimoya before so was looking forward to trying them after what I'd heard about them.

We got home as Stevie went back to bed while I ate 2 cherimoyas -- hmm -- not as fantastic as I thought they'd be but they're OK for a bit of variety. Reminds me very much of a Durian but grainier and less smelly.

I marinated the broccoli in chili pepper, garlic, olive oil, sesame oil and lemon juice. After about 2 hours I ate the whole bowlful (it was about as big as 4 cereal bowls). I don't know why I did that but it gave me a massive stomach ache for about the next 4 hours -- I could feel it just sat there going nowhere. Silly moo.

We were planning on going out to dinner tonight so Stevie got up about 6ish and we met his mate Bruce in Pizza Express at 7.30. I had olives to start as they're usually marinated but this time they were some other kalamata olives. They were cooked and tasted salty and slimy with tough skins but I ate them. What a mixture of food I've had today. For my main course I had a fruit salad. They're always nice in there -- they have strawberries, melons, starfruit kiwis etc. I was so cold in the restaurant that I had to keep my coat on and put Bruce's jacket over my knees but I didn't warm up. I feel the cold quite badly but when you're detoxing through transitioning to raw you apparently feel it even worse. After our meals we went to meet some of Stevie's other friends in a pub where I finally warmed up.

They all decided to go to the college bar (as they were all on a college thing -- God I felt old.) So we walked about 10 minutes to the college. It felt like trekking about 2 hours in the snow to me. I was so cold that I thought I was going to pass out and I didn't warm up all night. We ended up in some odd room with a fire which we unsuccessfully tried to light. On the way back to the car park I got a carrier bag and tied it round my middle so I didn't get so cold and Dave lent me his jacket -- I don't think I could have managed otherwise. I'd just drank water all night but felt so bad.

We got home at about 1am.

Sunday 26th March 2000

Day 84
We didn't wake up till 20 to 12 (but as the clocks just went forward it was really 20 to 11 in our heads). We laid comatose for a few hours and then got up. Stevie watched the football and I watched the ceiling. I was supposed to be finishing the Fresh stuff off today but I just couldn't. Anyway, there's more than a day's worth of stuff to be done. I phoned Karen to talk about it and I think in one way she was relieved too -- less pressure for a while.

I made us a smoothie for breakfast -- 2 bananas, a punnet of strawberries, a punnet of blueberries all whizzed up. I had mine in a bowl and I added some juice to Stevie's so he had his as a drink.

As I was so inactive today, that kept me going for a while. I made dinner at about 4ish -- I had an avocado, garlic, 2 apples, chili, olive oil dip with romaine and Stevie had tortillas with some of my avocado dip and some other stuff. I'd make that dip again -- the apple gives it a nutty taste -- it was light and refreshing.

For tea I had my 2 remaining cherimoyas. Still not overly thrilled with them.

I'm off to Santa Cruz tomorrow so I did some packing and went to bed at about 1ish, after reading my emails.

Monday 27th March 2000

Day 85
I woke up at 3.30 thinking it was 4.30 (time to get up) and felt relieved when I got back in bed for an extra hour's kip. I took a melatonin tablet last night so I got to sleep at about 1.30 but I only slept lightly (I do when I have to be somewhere the next day -- my brain won't shut down). I had about 3 and a half hours sleep so was pretty dazed and confused when I had to get up at 4.30.

I had to dye my hair, and should have done it yesterday but lastminuteholdstock.com strikes again. With my hair dye on my head I finished packing.

To take on the plane, I made a salad out of romaine, baby spinach and some other lettuces, strawberries, apple bananas, chili, olive oil, orange pepper and tomatoes. I've got a fruit plate booked on the plane but I'm not sure it'll be any good. I also cut up a mango for before the flight. I ended up eating my mango in the car on the way to the airport. It was so delicious -- the best I've had in about a month. This was a Tesco tree ripened one that I bought about a week ago -- I'm glad I kept it a week.

The driver of the car was odd. I got into the car and it stank of smoke which wasn't pleasant. I decided to sit in the back so I could sleep if I wanted. Somehow we got talking about my next door neighbour's new cat. I told him that I've seen it in my garden a few times and it's trampled all my spring bulbs down. Stevie's putting a cat deterrent in the garden while I'm away. I told the driver that I don't want a cat in my garden as I grow food in there and I'd rather not have to deal with digging up cat poo. Plus it's my garden and I've always done my best to encourage birds into it -- suddenly they're not coming in because of that cat. He told me to put a saucer of milk down with anti-freeze in it - that would solve the problem. At first I thought he was joking but he kept telling me to do it even though I kept telling him I wouldn't kill a cat. He eventually told me to catch it and dump it about 20 miles from home with a motorway in the way. I told him about the cat deterrent I'd bought and he insisted that it wouldn't work and I should just kill the cat. I didn't warm to this man and decided to read my book as it was much more positive. I'm currently reading David Wolfe's Sunfood Diet Success System which has opened my eyes quite a lot. There's some stuff in there that I didn't know such as fat splitting enzymes and mineral trade-out that happens once you've been raw for a while. Interesting stuff and well worth a read for anyone planning on going raw. It's a holistic book -- not just concentrating on food, but on everything to do with people and the world. Good read.

OK -- I wasn't going to write this because it's scaring me a bit but here goes. Visualisation. Blimey -- it works. You can get what you want by thinking you've got it. It's in this Sunfood book and I was reading that section as I was sat on the plane. I didn't get to the airport early so had to suffer a horrid middle seat. Not nice when travelling 10 hours with a bit of a bad back and cooked meat eaters either side of you. So as the exit seats were in front of me and strangely empty -- I visualised that I was sat in one of them. Just before the doors closed for take-off 2 people came in and sat in the exit seats but I held on to the thought and the third seat didn't get taken. Shazzie got it! Every single other seat was taken and it was supposed to be a full flight but I bet the person who booked the seat got the time wrong as the clocks have just moved. Ha. Then I got scared at being able to do such things and a little bit freaked out. I'll get over it.

My plane food wasn't great -- I ate a bit of it but the mangos were hard and the strawberries were tasteless. I then ate all my salad (I was going to eat it in stages but never mind!)

I took 2 melatonin pills and slept for just over 3 hours. It was a disturbed sleep though because I was sat in an exit seat just outside the loos. Some great big oaf stood really hard on my foot and woke me up. In a melatonin daze I went straight back to sleep with my foot throbbing.

The "breakfast" served on the plane was a granny smith apple and a green banana that wouldn't even peel. I took a bite of the apple but it was so sour. I wasn't really hungry anyway. I just sat and read a bit more and then just sat a bit more until the plane landed. Oh -- and some woman stood on my foot with shoes on.

When I got to my hotel I felt fantastic -- I wanted to go out and look round town and bounce around, but I didn't want to be alone. In the end my mate Claudio agreed to meet me at 5pm for some grub.

The hotel rooms have quite a few full length mirrors in and so I caught the first real sight of my new raw body. It took me by surprise a bit, to be honest. My top half looked nice -- not quite toned enough (but I can work on that), but my thighs still looked monstrous. The weight has been going very slowly from my legs and I suppose I sit down an awful lot more than I should. I really want to buy a bike (now I've got rid of my gym membership I could technically afford one). I want to get out and about -- to see places and stuff. Thinking about it, my thighs aren't that big, they're just out of proportion with the new skinny me. Even my belly looks good these days. My bum's a bit saggy -- it's not as high up as it should be. I'll have to do some bum exersises.

I got ready to go out.

Unfortunately we went to the Saturn Cafe -- a really good almost veggie place. They do the best vegan nachos ever. Normally I don't eat that kind of junk food but mmmmm. I compromised and only ate a small sized one. Even that was too big for me. Funny that I didn't get the tingly mouth feeling from this cooked food like I did with my pancake in February -- maybe I'm not so bad with corn as I am with wheat? I got back to my hotel room and went to sleep at 7pm -- far too early but I had no-one to play with to keep me awake.

My only signs of jet lag were swollen ankles and being able to get to sleep early (but that was boredom more than anything -- silly me had packed a European power adaptor instead of a US one so I couldn't even do much computer stuff as my battery was running low).

Tuesday 28th March 2000

Day 86
I woke up at about 9pm and didn't know who I was or where I was. After a few minutes I remembered (odd feeling, though) and went to the loo and then back to sleep.

I then woke up at about 2am -- wide awake. I knew this would happen because I went to sleep so early. I took 2 melatonin tablets and went back to sleep about half an hour later. Before I went back to sleep, I noticed that my nose was stuffy -- it will have been the nachos.

I woke up at 5am and decided to get up. After my bath I opened the balcony door and watched the sunrise while doing my stretches. It felt lovely having the warm early morning sun on my naked body -- I couldn't do that at home in my tiny bedroom with a tiny window!

It was such a lovely day that I decided to walk to work, I got a map and walked into town, went to the Saturn Cafe for breakfast and had a fruit salad with extra banana and avocado on top. I was hoping they did fresh smoothies but they only do Odwalla ones (they're pasteurised so dead and toxic). There was something cooked in the fruit salad, though because I got that familiar mouth swelling numbness thing that I get when I eat cooked now. It may have been the juice that the fruit was in. I left the Saturn Cafe and carried on walking. Stupid me with stupid shoes then started to get blisters. Owch! Just before turning into the street where work is, Claudio bibbed me from his car, so I got in and saved my feet from extinction. I didn't even visualise being saved! Good things are happening at good times.

Everyone at work here thinks I look too thin. Mary said I look like a hospital patient because of the top I had on and my thinness. I heard someone else ask Tom something in the corridor about me and he said something about me being on a raw food diet. I can only presume they were asking why I looked so thin. I also noticed a couple of people back away from me -- as if I was scary (the same thing as when I was out the other night). This isn't good. I suppose it's 5 months since these people saw me last, so it might look really drastic to them whereas everyone else has seen it happen slowly. Even when I get round to doing some exercising to get good muscles, I'll never be a "fleshy" woman again -- it's not how we're supposed to be. It's odd here this week -- really quiet because SCO has made a load of structural changes and some people have left or ended up doing jobs they don't want to do. Oh well -- I'll be home again soon.

For my dinner I ate a raw salad that had lots of lettuces, red peppers, broccoli, sunflower seeds (not soaked), spring onions, mushrooms and tomatoes from the SCO canteen. I wish we had a canteen in Cambridge. I ate it alone outside (I'm usually fighting people off for lunch offers). It was colder than I thought so came back in shivering after I'd eaten.

From about midday I started getting a blocked nose and itchy eyes, with a mucousy throat -- it felt a bit like hay fever or a cold -- it's probably my body wanting to detox the nachos from yesterday.

I went out for an evening meal with some friends -- the Saturn Cafe again! I was planning on having a raw salad (honest) but those vegan nachos were biting at me from the menu. I knew this would happen so I'm not going to tell myself off about it. In a way I'm glad I'm eating a bit of cooked food at the moment because my body's been trying to rev up the detox (spotty head, being freezing cold) and I've got too much to do right now to allow this -- I have to be able to function. Hopefully when I get home I'll be able to just drink vegetable juice for a few days to clear myself out. I'd love to do a fast but I've not got any time. Oh well.

A word about melatonin. I don't condone taking anything artificial -- altering your body like this must have some bad side effects. If I was going on holiday or something I'd put up with the body clock being wrong for a few days, relax and muddle through. However, when having to be alert at work the day after a flight and being 8 hours ahead, I need to be artificial about it to get me through the day. Flying a few thousand miles isn't natural, jet lag isn't natural -- I wouldn't take melatonin for any reason other than when I'm on a business trip. And who knows -- I might be pure enough to do without it soon!

Wednesday 29th March 2000

Day 87
Woke up at 2am unable to breathe. Cooked food is doing me in! I can't take 2 nights of cooked in a row. I didn't realise I'd be this pure this quickly. I couldn't sleep so I worked for about 5 hours. I then had a bath and sunbathed again -- the sunrise has been beautiful which is unusual in Santa Cruz, it's usually misty in the mornings. My breathing was a bit better by this point.

I spent about half an hour trying to put some clothes on that didn't make me look anorexic (after the comments and looks yesterday). All my clothes are too big now -- and I brought the smallest ones with me. I've lost about a stone (14lb) since going raw (which is a good side effect but not the reason I did it). I didn't expect all my clothes to be too big like this. I'd go shopping for some more but Santa Cruz clothes are mainly tie dyed and baggy.

I had breakfast with Trev -- we went to Dharma's, a veggie place. I only ordered a pint of carrot, celery and apple juice and Trev ordered a big plateful of breakfast burritos. My juice was just what I needed but I kept looking jealously at Trev's guacamole so I went and got a side order of that with lettuce and a pint of orange juice. That was all very nice indeed.

We then went to the New Leaf Deli so I could get some more snacky food. I wanted some raw tahini, almond butter, and carob and found it all there. I also found some raw olives in the fridge so got those as a snack.

For dinner, the team I've just joined took me out for a welcome meal. I wasn't hungry but my boss bought me 2 avocados in case there was nothing on the menu -- isn't that kind? I ordered a salad and explained what I wanted on it (and what I didn't want). When it arrived it had big croutons all over it. I'd have just scraped them off but I didn't know if they were vegan or not (and the waitress couldn't tell me) so I asked for a new salad. She brought it back a few minutes later with crouton crumbs all over it so I asked her if they just took the croutons off "I think they did" she said. I told her why I needed a "new" salad and so she took it back. 10 minutes later she was back with the salad and less crouton crumbs on it. She must have thought I was stupid or something. I picked at a few bits from the outside and left the rest. Unfriendly place -- if you're a vegan don't go to the Ideal Bar and Grill -- it's rubbish -- I think it's a bad vibe from all the dead fish or something! I went there once before and explained my requirements and when my salad came there was boiled egg all over it. Pathetic.

I ate some of the olives when we got back to work but I think there was something not raw in them because after I ate them the lining of my nose swelled up and I couldn't breathe well. One of my colleagues, Niki, has got some beautiful flowers in her office and after I had a meeting in there I was all stuffed up, too. I could only describe this feeling as having a face hugger on me. The middle of my face is all swollen (the inside of my nose is almost totally blocked), my throat hurts a bit and my eyes are stinging. I had a meeting late on in the day and couldn't concentrate or contribute very well.

I got back to my hotel and got ready to go out. I started to feel better and my nose subsided a bit.

I went out for dinner with my mate Eric -- I'd been meaning to catch up with him for about a year! We went to the Front Street Pub (where we always go together) and ate garlic fries with tomato sauce (the first time I've had chips since being raw), a pint of cider and a nice raw salad (I thought that would take the edge off eating cooked). As I was drinking the cider I felt my nose swell up inside again. This is so fascinating to me -- it's quite an interesting experiment! I ate the fries and did enjoy them but I knew I'd pay later. I had as much salad as I could to try and get some enzymes in my body.

I got back to the hotel at about 8.30 and went to sleep.

Thursday 30th March 2000

Day 88
I woke up at about 2.30 after stirring for about an hour. Tired -- but needed to blow my nose. My throat was all scratchy and I felt like my head was going to explode.

I made the decision there and then to remain raw for the rest of the trip - this pain isn't worth it. I like raw food anyway, I just wanted to have some of the nice Santa Cruz food that I used to have as a "treat". Oh well -- I can't do it -- I'm too pure! I decided to just drink water for the morning to give my body a bit of time to recover.

My brain wasn't really in functioning mode so I read the Fresh e-group and felt a bit happier. I've been having some destructive thoughts yesterday which isn't like me at all these days. Cooked food -- who'd eat it?

I got to work at 7.30 and felt ill all day. I was in quite a few meetings, too, which didn't help. The oil in the fries was going right through me and didn't stop all day. On top of that, my voice went (although the swelling in my nose almost disappeared). I was in so much stomach pain all day. I didn't realise it would be this bad. If you've ever seen American Pie's bit about the bloke with the laxatives in his coffee, you'll know what I mean. And the loos here are so ridiculous. They have a foot-high gap at the bottom of the door, and spaces all around. You don't want to be in that much pain and on one of those loos.

For dinner I went to Dharma's with Adam and had a salad with extra guacamole. It was a really nice salad -- there were even sunflower greens in it. I also had a pint of orange juice.

I drank like a fish today -- I had a big bottle of Evian throughout the day. Never mind heroin, cooked food screws you up.

I went out shopping for a bit after work with my mate Julie -- I actually bought a top from the Gap (I've never bought anything from there in my life -- but it wasn't a Gap-looking top). We then went to the Saturn Cafe -- and I had no problem at all in turning down the vegan nachos (I couldn't eat anything cooked while feeling like this). I decided on a small salad with 2 extra portions of avocado, extra alfalfa sprouts and extra tomato. It was lovely (their lettuce is organic and you can tell). Julie doesn't think I look too thin and a few other people think I look good, too.

I got back to my room at about 8pm. I was supposed to be going out with some lads from work tonight but my throat had almost given up completely. I've got meetings most of tomorrow so need to be able to talk. I took an early night and think I needed it. I've been thinking about my job and how it won't last beyond 6 months -- it can't as the restructure means there's no corporate ID for me to manage. I wonder what I'll do?

Friday 31st March 2000

Day 89
I got 8 hours sleep last night! I must have been tired. I woke up at 5am and laid in bed reading my emails and stuff.

It's the most beautiful sunrise today -- a moving postcard. The thin crescent moon is still up in the azure sky. Underneath it are pink, orange and gold strips of clouds all sweeping from the top left down to the bottom right. The top of the mountains in the background are a crisp dark purple vignetting to a mist white which trails over to the horizon where it meets the pulsing sea. The small Wharf lights are twinkling and the ocean's heartbeat is slow, soothing and mesmerising. It's going to be a beautiful day.

I went and sat on the balcony for about 15 minutes -- watching the sun rise and the colours of the world change. I listened to the sea lions barking out of time with the ocean and felt so real and peaceful.

For my breakfast I ordered room service -- 2 fruit cups (pineapple and melon), a wedge of cantaloupe melon and some water. I ate the melon wedge and then a bit later (it's best not to eat anything until 20 minutes after eating a melon -- it will upset your digestion) I cut open one of my avocados, dribbled my raw almond butter all over it and indulged. This isn't the normal way I eat - all that fat in the morning but I felt like I needed it (probably because of being so ill yesterday) For the first time this week I took a long time in the morning to just enjoy the warmth, my beautiful food and my own company before my last day in the office. I needed that time because I've worked so many hours this week.

A couple of my meetings were cancelled, so at about 10.30 I went for a juice with my mate Brian. I'd not seen him all week which was a shame as we usually hang out a bit together and I wanted to tell him how brilliant this diet was starting to make me feel. I didn't get chance. He told me that several people (friends) at work had been discussing me and I'm too thin. I look anorexic, pale, my neck's scrawny and my face bones stick out which isn't natural. I could have punched him, to be honest. I know people only say these things because they care but it really did hurt. I tried to explain that I look pale because I'm English and Winter's only just passed. Plus I've dyed my hair dark -- that's made me look paler. But as to the scrawny neck and sticking out face bones...What? OK -- if I'm being compared to the average Californian woman then maybe I do look too thin, but I'd rather have a body that's getting ready to put on lean muscle than one soaked in saturated fat and disease-causing toxins -- any day. What's the point in explaining, though -- if someone doesn't get it then you can say how good you feel until you're blue in the face, it won't change anything. He did say afterwards that he was kind of playing the devil's advocate with me but I was upset all the same -- I just didn't expect it, not from him, and not when I feel so good.

I went into Mary's office and started talking to her about it. I shouldn't have as she said very similar things. I know I shouldn't let these things get to me but these people are my friends as well as my colleagues -- I've known them for a few years and I do care what they think. I don't want any of them to worry unnecessarily about me -- there's no need. For the first time in my life I'm totally happy, I feel healthier than I've ever felt and I've got more energy than I know what to do with. So I don't fit the image of an average fleshy woman any more? Well, that's no shame.

I didn't realise I'd get so down about other people's perceptions of me (it only bothers me because they're friends -- if they were strangers I wouldn't care), but I was shocked by the lecture I got off Brian. I phoned Karen at Fresh because I just wanted to talk to another raw person. I needed to make that connection. As ever, she gave such good advice, bless her. She emphasised that the dramatic change in me probably throws up health issues for everyone else -- and if they perceive my changes as bad then it could well be them not being able to deal with their own problems. We chatted for a long time and I got stuff into perspective -- she's a star, that girl! We also talked about the job thing and what might happen to me -- she suggested that I go freelance and work part time so I can do stuff for Fresh, too. I told her I couldn't afford that -- I'm too well paid here and you seem to get used to it. Maybe she planted a seed, though?

I had a meeting with John at 2. John's a wonderful person. I've known him for 3 years and every time I meet him I warm to him more and more. He's an artist -- into all of it, but an intellectual as well -- one of the biggest characters (literally) I've ever met. So we talked work and we talked life and I had a raw salad but with half a bottle of organic Californian wine. I told John about the "looking anorexic" thing and he said I looked fine and not to worry. He used to do long juice fasts when he was younger and is open to everything I'm doing. We went down to the Wharf because he needed to get some photos for work and I photographed some sea lions and a beautiful pelican. I don't think I've ever seen a pelican before and I got so close to him. John says he's always there and loves the attention. Some kids were even stroking him before we arrived. I ended up having another half bottle of wine. This wasn't intended but alcohol does that to you -- I can abstain for weeks and months but if I have a little taste I want more. As a raw fooder it's not in my plan but I knew I'd have a drink with John. I always do.

In the evening I went out with some lads from work. I got a nice big salad with loads of guacamole at a Mexican restaurant. We went to the Red Rooms (a bar) after that and had a real good laugh (I think -- most of the evening was a blur). I must have drank about 5 pints of water that night and finally started to feel better at about 11pm -- so (fool) I had 2 more glasses of wine. Ugh -- not nice wine at all. I got back to my hotel room at about 12.30 and puked. Fell asleep hanging off the bed.

"(Your journal) was a tremendous help and just flat out made me feel better about myself. Best of luck to you, I hope you get everything you want out of life"
-- Kari, Tempe, Arizona, USA

How do I feel after my third month?

  • I feel massively happier. Even though I've suddenly got really busy in both my work and my personal life, I don't feel overwhelmed -- I'm just enjoying all my new challenges.
  • My skin has got even smoother -- it almost feels like porcelain. For much of this month my skin was breaking out a fair bit but it's settled down now to reveal this new softness.
  • I'm very happy with the toxins ("weight") I've lost. It's stabilised this month so I know I won't lose much more weight. I suspect I'll lose another 7lb of toxins in my legs.
  • My mind feels so much clearer -- I don't get "lost for words" like I often used to. I feel so much more confident because of it. I'm also so much more focused.
  • My energy levels are up now. I'm good on less than 8 hours sleep and my insomnia hasn't returned.

Over the last 3 months, so many physical changes have happened to me. I've had a spot since I was a teenager and about every 3 weeks I've had to squeeze it. About 3 weeks ago I tried to squeeze it and there was nothing in it (for the first time in over 15 years). The other day I tried to squeeze it again and an ingrowing hair just popped out -- is that what caused the spot for so many years? I'll be monitoring it to see if it comes back -- but how fantastic that my body's expelling stuff like this.

The mental stuff going on is a totally weird story. All the changes are making me mentally moving so fast that I feel much of me isn't the same person anymore. I'm much more level emotionally -- I hardly ever get angry now. Most of my values have shifted which is worrying because I feel like I'm only at the beginning of raw foodism -- I can't imagine what the next year will hold in my personal development. This is the tough bit now -- realising that nothing will be the same again. It means I have to let go of a lot of stuff to embrace what I want in the future.

What do I want to achieve in the next month?

Now I'm over the initial 3 month period, I've got the strength and energy to push myself further. The first thing I want to do is get physically fit. As I'm having my back successfully treated this will be easier than before. When I worked out or even swam previously I used to get such bad back pain. So this coming month I'm going to concentrate on yoga (I'll buy a video as I don't have time to go to a class right now) and cycling. I really want a bike but due to a big tax bill last month I'm a bit short. I was telling this to a friend who said to put it on my credit card. I explained that I didn't like to pay interest on my credit card to which he replied "If you don't get a bike you'll be paying interest on your health". So I'll buy a bike as soon as I can.

I'm going to be so busy this month that I can't fast or have any other goals -- but my eating habits are getting much simpler and I'm moving very quickly to my ideal way of eating.

Next



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