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"...it's great to be able to read an account of someone who has been there already and was written in such an open way. I am excited by your success and inspired by your dogged determination. The fact that people like you, who think like you are doing this has made me very confident that this is the right path for me, whatever it holds." -- Joe, London, UK In a nutshell... Had my first raw Christmas, went to the New Forest to attempt to climb a tree at New Year, and got more work contracts even though I thought I might be finishing my business. Sunday 3rd December 2000 Maxine moved in today. She had so many boxes. How can one person have so much stuff? I filled my car up with more boxes for charity and thought about the difference between me and her. I'm doing my best to rid myself of all these weighing-down possessions. The lighter I am inside, the more I want to balance it outside. I'm eating almost normally again now -- my mega appetite has waned and I'm wanting lots of juicy stuff such as melons and mangoes. That's good! Having my window open all the time is great -- I wake up earlier and go to sleep earlier! Everyone should try it... Look what Ruth has done to me! Monday 4th December 2000 I've just given myself a good Christmas bonus as I've worked so hard! It has to cover my dental work and I need to put a bit more by for house emergencies while I'm away. It also means I can get my hair done, so I'm going to make an appointment today!! oh!! I haven't had it cut since I set fire to it last Christmas. A whole year of no haircuts. What will they make of me? Joe's gone to Spain for 2 weeks. He keeps going on about that place for some reason. I'm missing his emails -- I wish he'd come home. Tuesday 5th December 2000 Karen went to visit her mum today, and later on I sent an email to Karen called "You back?" at the same time as she sent one called "I'm back". We should stop doing that! I feel that the house is full of stagnant energy. Tonight I went out to the pub for The Boy Heckford's birthday. I showed my new hairy armpits to Bob. In true Scottish form he told me that it was minging and exclaimed that next I'd be saying I don't use "BO basher" -- so when I told him I don't he nearly fell off his chair! It's too much for some folk to comprehend. I then showed my armpits to Chrissie. She's a very gentle woman, and maybe I should have kept them to myself, but I'm excited by all these things. She pulled a face and said "It's not my taste." Well, I couldn't help myself, it just came out: "I don't expect you to lick them..." Ooops! Wednesday 6th December 2000 Went shopping in Norwich with mum today. I showed her my hairy armpits and she was suitably disgusted. She said that women weren't supposed to have hair there, so I asked her why we grew them. In that way that only mothers can, she suitably avoided answering by talking about the hemming on some trousers or something. Bought myself a dictaphone! I kept having great ideas and then forgetting them, so now I'm going to carry this round with me. Will probably now stop having thoughts just to be on the safe side. Or forget to take dictaphone out with me. Tried on the grooviest trousers in the world in some shop, they had a zip at the side which went all the way down to the ankle -- I loved them, but they were a size 10 and far too big! So I had to settle for some bright pink cords from Top Shop. Oh, and they're very thin -- so I must not eat salty olives or nuts until the party next week. Yeah, right...! Thursday 7th December 2000 Found an old article on the web about the taste of men's sperm. Some bloke wanted to know what would make it gorgeous and the conclusion was to eat fruit. How to convince a man to eat more fruit in one easy step! My stars today are good: "Gracious Venus in your sign from today until early January gives you the opportunity to make something of yourself. Start with your image for if you look good then you'll create a momentum to attract love and favours towards you. Next look to your artistic potential which is just waiting to be appreciated and turned into a blazing success story." Cor! Well, I am going to have my hair cut and I am doing a new painting! Sunday 10th December 2000 Went to Grant's raw party in London yesterday. I thought there'd be more time for socialising, but most of the time someone was doing a talk, so I don't know who was there really as I didn't get to natter that much. Karen Noble made most of the food, and did a smashing job -- it was really filling and tasty. During Karen K's talk, she mentioned me and how I'd embraced the whole raw thing and run with it, changing everything in my life. People wanted to hear my story so I did my first raw talk! I just wasn't prepared for it (well, I didn't know I was doing it!), but I spoke (probably babbled) for about 20 minutes. Afterwards people came up to me and said how good, interesting and animated it was -- and how some people practice for years to get like that. Cor! I loved it, actually -- but then again it's very easy to talk about yourself, isn't it!! I think I am a good speaker, but I don't say the right things, I get all off on a tangent, pretty much like now really. Shall I find my tangent and get back on it? Monday 11th December 2000 I spent a couple of hours in bed eating oranges and watching the telly (I never do that!). I decided to just spoil myself today, have a lovely bath and then work tonight instead. I can't push myself when I'm tired -- eating mixed food and being in London does that to you. I enjoyed my cherimoyas in the bath. A million pips later and I was squeaky clean! Sent an email to Arun about going out for a drink this week. I suggested Thursday, but didn't mean to. Arun emailed back: "Hokay, I can do Thurs after 6pm (pulls a face like a chameleon shoots his tongue out at a fly at 20 paces)" So then I replied "Except I meant Thursday. (Pulls a face like Grommit)" So he replied "Erm, yeah, me too :-)(pulls a face like an orang-utan)" I replied: "Oh no. I meant Wednesday. (pulls a face like a lemur and puts a hat with "d" on it on her head)." We finally agreed on Wednesday. I mailed back "Right. I'm sorted now. 6.00 at Starbucks on Wednesday 13th December 2001 AD. (grins like a Cheshire cat which has just hitched a ride to Leicester to find Linekar's fruit stall has got bananas)". Tuesday 12th December 2000 Have a tiny appetite today which is good. I pooed 3 times today before I ate. I don't know what it was. Stevie went in after me and said "Oh, have you been eating grass again!!" I worked all day today and did a load of cleaning in the house. I'm just getting on and doing what I need to do. I suppose I'm partially in robot mode -- have no inclination to be in self-analysis mode (hell, I've been doing that all year!) Wednesday 13th December 2000 Went to the hairdresser's today. It was quite traumatic for me. I'm surprised I didn't have a stiff brandy beforehand... So now my hair is very short! (For me.) I've also had it coloured close to my natural colour, so I look very demure (not me!). I'm in shock but it needed doing, it was a wreck. Hairdresser girl tried to sell me loads of products including a honey and oatmeal hair mask -- I just had to lie and say "I think I've got some, I'll check before I buy more". I didn't have the energy to say anything else. Being in that environment was so odd. I felt like I wanted cooked food to get to their level as communication was so hard. The gap is so big now I feel like I'm a cat talking to dog. Anyway, hopefully my hair will grow quite quickly and I'll make sure I look after it this time. It's too weak to not have conditioner on it yet. So much of it is still cooked hair and then there's the dye. I'll try to keep the colour as natural as I can now, maybe only adding one or 2 highlights. But I don't like mousy hair. I wish it was blonde like when I was little! A journo from Elle magazine in the States rang last night to do an interview. I wasn't in though. I've left a message for her to ring back. She said she'd seen my web site, loved it and wanted to do a positive piece on raw food for an article. A journo doing a positive piece? Hmm! Also I was interviewed for the Daily Mail. They were doing an article on different types of Christmas dinners. I got loads of info in, such as how raw cured me of my depression, how it's helping my dad with his diabetes, and just how wonderful the whole raw experience is. The photographer is coming over on Monday to take the pictures of me eating durian. I told my dad, who is quite rightly proudly sticking his chest out. My hairy bits didn't last long. I just thought "Christmas party frock with hair everywhere?" So today I shaved my armpits and got my legs and bikini line waxed and trimmed my bush! And I didn't do it for a society reason, as I don't give a stuff what others think (in fact I made a big thing of showing everyone my pits when they were hairy to get a reaction!!), but I feel almost like I had to remove a part of me. Maybe it's because I had my head hair cut? It's all in the same week, which is funny! I think I'll grow them again when I live in a better place. I didn't like the trapped sweat, either. Went out with Arun tonight. We met in a pub and I had a Black Russian (a drink, not a man). What's with that? It's distilled alcohol with coke in it! I've never drank coke in my life! As I was drinking it, Arun told me that my face had gone blotchy. I went to look in the mirror and noticed the raised red mountain-like features which had newly appeared on me. Alcohol! Why did I drink tonight? We went back to Arun's later on and played some CDs. Arun got out a CD with a special cover -- as you touch it, it changes colour, because of the heat. It was dead groovy. Arun left white finger marks all over it and passed it to me. As his finger marks faded into the dark brown, mine didn't do anything. I wasn't shocked at this, because I am always cold. I don't think I have much blood in my extremities. For about 2 hours we spent time pressing the heat sensitive paper against different body parts. Ears were the best. I tried it on my foot and there was nothing, but Arun's foot made a really big impression. I tried it on my tummy and it went white immediately. On Arun's tummy it went white much slower. I deduced that all my heat is in my tummy, trying to do something or other. Friday 15th December 2000 There was a message from The Daily Mail journo on my phone. Her editor has decided to drop the feature. I wonder if it's because I didn't come across as cranky enough? But the whole feature's being dropped, not just the "fruitarian" one. I had to un-tell my dad! He'd told all my rellies, so he had to un-tell them! I got to thinking about when I was in my "searching" situation and would have loved to see an article like this in a paper that my dad buys. I wouldn't have bought something like Kindred Spirit (though funnily, for the first time did early last year). I really want everyone to know about how great this is. Someday I'm going to get the world to sit up and take notice!! Saturday 16th December 2000 Joe came over today! It was so good to see him. Like a girl, I kept flicking my new hair to see if he'd say anything about it. Eventually he noticed and I got a tiny complement, so it was worth it. We nattered about his trip to Spain and how much he loves it there. In the evening we went over to Karen's. She'd been working all day on the Fresh magazine, and I just felt drawn to one of her shoulders and gave it a good old massage. She said that it had been hurting her loads. Oh, I'm being strangely drawn! Karen had some durian which she'd got from London in the week and let us share it. So that's what friends are for! Sunday 17th December 2000 Helen and her man from Holland came over to Karen's today to chat about starting up Fresh in Holland. I'm so glad it's expanding like this. Are people changing in the world? They brought some fruits round which I hadn't tasted before, and some of them were a lovely surprise. This couple don't eat spices or onions because they say it affects their spiritual connection. In the evening we went to the Cambridge Fresh meeting at Jules' house. Joe went home just beforehand as he was tired, having not been back from Spain for more than 5 minutes. There was a bloke there called Francis who told me about a load of fincas for sale in the sub-tropical part of Spain. I got all excited for Joe as that's what he's after buying. What is it with Spain at the moment? Monday 18th December 2000 Mum and dad came to visit me today as they were over this way at the weekend. I had a load of work to do, but postponed it for a few hours! After such a hectic weekend I was very tired today. Why am I always tired when I've got family near me? They think I'm odd anyway, I don't need them to think I'm making myself ill. They told me how yellow I am. I've been yellow since I did the Ejuva cleanse, I think it's my liver chucking stuff out. I gave my mum Reiki, and I could feel a blockage in her left leg! What with Karen's shoulder the other night and this, I'm really starting to take note of my healing intuition with regards others. I feel something within me wanting to do more of this hands-on healing stuff. I feel like it's really flowing through me now. I don't know if it's another side effect of Ejuva, or since I did Reiki, or since I had my amalgams out but there's a big uptake in my feeling of other people's energy. I wish I had better words for all this, I make it sound so clumsy! Some people just flow with these flowery words that make it sound so much better than I do. Hmpfh! As well as working today, I cleared 2 more boxes out for charity. There can't be much more, surely? When I was in my office tonight, I had to have my door closed as the smell of the cooking in this house isn't doing me any good. I'm really wanting to stay somewhere else right now. Well, I'm thinking that it's only a few weeks now and then I won't have to deal with it any more. I'm starting to feel aggressive about it all now, but I'm tired as well. I really treasure my time alone at the moment. I couldn't do with someone else "there" all the time. I feel the prickliness of people when they're too close to me! I'm all over the place with thinking about my life and its direction. I don't feel like a "candle in the wind" but I do feel like I need to be blown about a bit so I can see where I want to settle. I feel like Super-Shaz at the moment. I'm doing everything at a higher percentage than before. Major! I've been so anti-computer for the last few days. I've just not wanted to go near it. But I have lots of energy, though have an underlying tiredness from not enough sleep. Christmas is fast approaching and I'm trying to sort out our durians for Christmas dinner. I've been asking the local Chinese shop down Mill Road if they can get them. They rang me back today and said they'll try to get them in! I also asked for 10 coconuts, too. Wednesday 20th December 2000 I went into Cambridge to get my Christmas durians. They're lovely and massive. Unfortunately, there were no young coconuts, so we'll have to go without. Tonight, as I was going out with some of my clients for a Christmas get-together in the pub I was on such a high that I was dancing in my car. I even played pool quite well. I had a Cointreau -- that's the second lot of alcohol this week. I can't work out why I'm doing it. Well, this is my first raw Christmas, and I guess I'm just not used to going out to pubs these days. When I got home, there was a house full of people. Stevie was playing with the new digital camera and kept taking loads of pictures of us all. I ended up lying across everyone like a queen. I was on such a high tonight I had to eat nuts to go to bed, I still wasn't tired at 2am, but I didn't want to be awake. Thursday 21st December 2000 I picked up a nice little contract today from a company called Wax Info. I've got to redesign a company logo, smarten up their ID, create templates and help with the web site design for 2 weeks at the beginning of January. I wasn't taking on any more work, but I'm not going to turn down something that falls into my lap like that -- especially as the timing of it works perfectly with my plans. Plus I just can't help faffing with logos and corporate identities! After all the dental work I've had, I went to see the Dental Hygienist to get my teeth cleaned by her. She said she rarely sees strong teeth like mine. She also said that there was barely anything to scrape off on the bottom teeth and nothing at all on the top. I told her that I'd been a vegan for ages and not used fluoride toothpaste or tap water for about 16 years -- and she was impressed. It proves what a load of rubbish all that stuff is, it's down to people drinking fizzy drinks and eating all the time. She said that if I went to see her again I could bring my own toothpaste and she'd use that for me. I told her that eventually I want to stop using toothpaste, and she thought that was a good idea for someone on my diet. How progressive was she!! Friday 22nd December 2000 Wrote a special Christmas poem for my web site: The blackbird warms his toes by Robin's flaming red breast The cabbage wraps up in layers -- his mother always knew best Luxurious fir keeps the Christmas tree proud and tall And your hand in mine helps me see it all Knowing you're here, as my guide and my path Makes me able to cry, to jump and to laugh You gave me the strength to understand all these things So now I can carry this message on my angel's wings Like a dandelion seed head passing over the land People stop to look up and begin to lend a hand I can do all this because I love and am you And we are the Earth, the Sun, the Stars and the Moon Over these next very special cold winter weeks When the sun barely shows as the solstice peaks Take a look inside to find what you can do Because all the power and beauty you need is already in you When others know that we are all just one There's no way on this earth that they could go on Killing and burning without feeling their own pain So let's take their burden now for the greater gain Once we've achieved this and our duty is done We can live out our days just playing in the sun We'll be able to do this with peace and joy in our hearts As we'll know that where our job stops someone else's starts You're getting this message because you've shown me love And guided me to this world high above From this view point I can see what I need to do And I must start by saying "I love you" Hope it makes some people smile! For the rest of the day, one of my clients, Cary from Kiki Health, was over as we were putting the final touches to his web site. He's raw, so we enjoyed a massive salad with some rocket which is still growing in my garden! I have not stopped all week! I sometimes wonder, with all the stuff I do, how I'll ever work full-time at the place in the States. It's crazy! I must spend about 30 hours a day doing stuff which gives me minus 6 hours for sleeping! I put a photo of me with my Christmas durians up on the web. Ruth mailed me and said "The latest photo of you with the durian is amazing....you have integrated a lot of stuff within...... (don't know what) but you are looking 'deeper' if that makes sense...." I replied saying that it was like I was more dimensional now or something! No longer am I a Bunty cut-out on the back of a girl's magazine. Remember Bunty!!? I can't believe the difference in me since I met Ruth. I used to have all my windows closed as I was so cold, and I didn't really believed that someone could really be comfortable in a colder environment with windows open. But now when I have the windows closed my cheeks go red and I get all flustered! Within the last month, I've turned a different colour (my parents would still insist that I'm too yellow!) and I have a glow! I used to be so pallid. I love it. I love waking up to fresh air, too. Cor! Ruth did so much good for me. As well, I'm so much calmer in front of people and everything. Most of the time, anyway. I'm still eating more melons than anything else. I am Melon and Green Woman right now. I'm also putting weight on and putting weight on. I'm currently about 8 stone 9!! I can't believe it! Though I'm not worried as it's going to slow down soon (I'm telling it!). Ruth has got a client who found her web site through a link on mine, she's over the moon with it. Isn't the web wonderful sometimes? I told her I should have negotiated commission! Saturday 23rd December 2000 I went to check on our Christmas durians in the garage. They smelled so lovely I almost cried! We're going to have such a lovely day. This will be my first Christmas without the stench of meat in the house -- I think after being a veggie for 16 years I deserve this. One of my chakras is going mad. I just have this permanent feeling in my forehead as if someone's circling their finger round and round. Oh! I don't know what it means, but I like it! Sunday 24th December 2000 Christmas Eve. I set the table up all nice with lots of fruit on it, and then went to collect Karen. We watched It's A Wonderful Life (one of my favourite films) and then I smelled something burning. It was a candle on my table. I'd got some tealight holders on the end of crackers from Tesco and thought that they'd be safer to use than just tealights. They also looked pretty. But the holders had a flammable interior, so when the flame got caught by a gust of wind, the whole thing went up in flames. So that's my lovely Habitat table ruined, then. I should write to Tesco, but I've got a billion things to do before I go to America. Bloody Tesco. How unsafe is that? Good job I didn't have it on a table cloth, the whole thing would have set light. My house would have burned down. I'd have been a tramp on the streets! At Christmas, as well! Monday 25th December 2000 Christmas day!!! We got up quite early and opened our pressies. I had about a billion from Karen -- a box full of things, books, including Soul Speak by Cheryl Stoycoff and a big drawing pad to record events of my life in. Cor! I felt like a child. We ate our durians to lovely music and then were so stuffed we went upstairs to bed! I laid there in a post-duriasmic state while Karen was writing and reading. We chattered for hours, then went out for a little walk. It was supposed to be a big walk but it started raining and it got dark so we turned back. We made a big salad for tea and chattered some more. This was my best Christmas day ever. I'm so glad I promised myself that I wouldn't spend another Christmas with the smell of dead animals. I'm so glad I'm strong enough to stand up for myself and do what I want now. I'm so glad... Happy Christmas! Tuesday 26th December 2000 Boxing day. Blimey, all these special days in a row. Aren't we all lucky people? Joe came over today and brought some coconuts! Fab -- I couldn't get any from Cambridge, so really looked forward to these. As soon as he put them in the kitchen I was in there with a knife! Cor! I've got a lovely box of coconuts! Friday 29th December 2000 It's so snowy here -- It's -10 degrees, I hope I can still get up a tree at midnight on New Year's Eve! Even if it's just for 5 seconds! I went up a kerb and nearly went into a wall, as my brakes froze, but I got my handbrake on just in time! Poor Vera doesn't want any more dents. She got one when she was only 3 weeks old and I never found out who did it, so it's still there. Bless her, lovely baby. I'm getting a wriggle on with moving out today, I just have to get out. I'm moving some clothes today to Karen's. I'm determined to get out of this house, beautiful and cosy though it is. There's not much that I need to take to Karen's as I've really given so much away, and I can also keep a small amount of stuff in my office. I'm excited about our trip to the New Forest tomorrow. I've emailed Joe to remind him to bring 2 of his excellent coconut cutting knifes at New Year. I told him I want to tie him to a door, blindfold him and throw them at him... I took Karen to the train station as she's off to meet a bloke in the States. How exciting for her. Saturday 30th December 2000 As I was waiting for the train at Waterbeach, there were two kids also waiting with their dad, who was fussing over them. It turned out they'd been staying with him for Christmas and now they're going back home to the New Forest with their mum! So I took them under my wing on the train, and the boy was very pleased with that. He nabbed my phone off me and played games on it for the whole journey. I didn't even know it had games on it! And then he made me play them, just so I could show how inept I was at this technology lark. They also gave me a plastic hair slide out of a cracker, but it wouldn't stay in my hair! We all got off at King's Cross. We said goodbye as their mum came up to hug them. How lovely. They were such nice children. I met Joe at King's Cross and he laughed at all my luggage. I'm not a seasoned traveller, but I thought I was doing quite well. I had to have my laptop with me, and a load of CDs and some food, and lots of clothes as it was cold. And I had some Champagne. I bought the Champagne before I turned raw, from a company which sells organic and vegan wine, but never got round to drinking it. I thought that I'd have it at New Year and then say goodbye to alcohol, permanently. We went to China Town to buy durians, young coconuts and other fruits and then set off to the New Forest. We had a lovely big room in the hotel -- a bed settee for me to sleep on and millions of shelves. We put all our durians and coconuts and all the other lovely fruit on the shelves and then had a good night in, chattering away and eating. Sunday 31st December 2000 New Year's Eve! We decided to venture out to see where we'd be going at midnight. We drove for a while and saw the exact spot where we wanted to be. There were wild horses with lots of hair on. Very sensible, it's extremely cold here at the moment. I was getting cold feet (literally) about stripping off in this weather but I still wanted to do it. Maybe I'd eat a durian while in the tree? We got back to the hotel and our room was freezing. The radiator had broken, all the maintenance people were on holiday and there was only one other room. It was a disabled room on the ground floor that smelled of piss and had a freezing cold bathroom from hell. We couldn't warm the bathroom up and had to put our coats on when we went for a wee. I told the woman at the hotel I wanted a free night and she said that wasn't possible as the hotel was fully booked. I said it had to be possible because we were booked in for 3 nights, and now because it's so cold we're only staying for 2, but want to go late on the 3rd day. I think I confused her enough for her to agree to a free night. So to cut a very long story short, we didn't go to the Forest. I could have dealt with the freezing cold outside if I had a nice warm bath to get in, but not this bathroom from hell. So at around midnight, we laid our table (a towel on the floor) and cracked open our coconuts and a couple of durians. We also opened the Champagne, but it didn't taste anywhere near as nice as our durian with coconut chasers so we didn't drink it. Next

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